I have posted several times and I get some responses. I have a guestion actually several.

How long does this A of my H will last?

Since he up and left me and our four children and is living with her is there still a chance for us?

Since she is known to do this to many people been married four times before and a number of affairs h*** she had one after her last husband died will she get tied of my H?

H lost his job no transportation for him and is working in construction again no bills she pays everything he pays for them going out

How does he say he loves me and wants me wants to redue vows and then three weeks later he leaves and lives with her?

Should I hold on to hope a part of me says yes and a part of me just does not know?

Can all what he says to me be the fog talk or real how do you tell the diference?

How often does reconsiliation happen? Does it work? How often do people divorce and then get back together?

Hi,

Your questions are all valid but the answers you are seeking do not reside here. They reside with your H.

What this place will do is help you be able to view your situation properly. Remove some of the emotional stress and help you think and see things clearly.

In time you will learn how to find out the answers to your questions or even realize which ones are not neccessary for you to heal. The A can change in a minute. In fact they often change minute to minute. Learn NOT to ride the wave of each change, even when it is in your favor.

Learn to strengthen yourself and know the ride ahead is rough. You determine how much you will allow yourself to endure and why. Then learn to define your personal boundaries. Do this after you have built your personal support system. Read, read, read the info from the concepts section above, read the books like SAA and his needs/her needs also Love must be tough (book by Dr James Dobson) and there are many others. Get personal counseling and find out your rights and protect the assests of you and your family.

Treat the OW as if they are out to rip everything you have away from you and trust nothing she may say. There may be some truth in what you hear from her but don't be quick to give her the beenfit of the doubt. Pray for a calm mind and a clear heart. You will need both.

Know that your H will continue to be an idiot until the fog clears.

Let us know how you are doing. This will not be an easy fix.....no solid answers, just direction.

take care,
L.

I have posted many times and Iknow that most of these questions only he can answer. I would just like some insight from others who have and are going through what I am. He is sopposed to have the kids onSaturday and is not allowed to have OW present but he has broken that everytime already I guess i will see. How do things go from good to not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi HH, sorry you're here. I am by no means the best person to be giving advice but I can tell you how my situation turned out. After I found out about my W's A's (she was on OM#3 when I found out about them), the whole time I was in plan A trying to save our M, she was tryin to save a R with OM#3. I don't know youre whole situation, but to it sounds like he is still in the fog. Just for the record, my W and I are back together and are working on making our lives great once again. Just read my sig line for the story.

Thank you. I do have hope. I know that our marriage was a good one and Iknow aht went wrong. No sleep nip picking at each other. We were high school sweethearts married two months after I graduated. I helped him along with my parents to make his dream of being a cop come tru we have four wonderful little boy(5,4,20mnth,9mnth) yes close in age but I would not trade it nin for anything. He was a great H and a great father. Now he hardly ever sees the kids and does not even call them to see how they are doing. Is that typical? This all started in the end of June. IF you go to the infedility archives I posted my story there I am not sure how to add it here. I am going to live my life and be happy an hope that he will see what he is missing. He is already missing the babys crawling for the first time, first sentences and the first time our five year old read his first book. He is missing so may things with them and with me. I am feeling better than ever and I have lost 20 poound but need tho lose more with time. I have this feeling that things will be fine and then every once ina while it changes I guess that is normal. I never though I would ever have to deal with this but no one does. We have been together for nine years seven have been married and this is the first thanks giving that we have spent apart I don't know how I am going to handle Christmas hopefully and I am praying that he will come home by then I don't know though All I know is that when I look in his eyes I know he still loves me and I know that I still love him I guess I am in plan B no contact that is real hard <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Helphopeful... I have been seperated 13 mo. and there may still be hope for me. Get the books this site reccomends... read everything on this site and strengthen you. This is a horrible ride. I have grown, but been through more pain than I ever imagined... my h is not himself at all.. it is very very hard....

He has been in and out of the fog. It is likely that he and ow will lb each other. Try the book the power of the praying wife.

Hugs, H