It's been a while since I was last here ("Lost & Hopeless")but things seem to be getting better, even though thier has been some hard, VERY HARD patches and even though other woman works with WH they seem to be keeping a distance. My question, which I need everyones help with is, why do I keep bringing her "OW" up? I make small remarks, some times smart and others jokingly, is that sick or what?

The last contact was after I moved back home and two weeks later he left with her to Disney World, I thought my world was going to end. When came back he actually got on his knees and begged for my forgiveness? I was on my way out and he stopped me. Well since then he says they stay away from each other, they work different shifts at the police dept. and he says she wants nothing to do with him! (which doesn't make me feel better, since I want him to say "HE" doesn't want anything to do with HER!

DDay was September 22nd and Last Contact was October 20th, Is this normal <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: Recovering? ]</small>

How much 'talking' have you done about her? Maybe there are still unanswered questions that you need the answers too and that is why you keep bringing her name up.

Also, have you done the questionnaires on this forum? They could provide valuable assistance and serve as the beginnings of some very good talks.

dazedblonde;

We have really.....I mean really talked. Other than telling specifics that I really would rather not know I know everything I should about her. It's the same story with two different people. She was there when I wasn't (I literally wasn't their emotionally), but I can't stop talking about her, Example:

She is a detective and last week we went on a trip with the kids and some friends to a mystery dinner show, they gave you some clues to find who the murderer was and "I" said to him (only he could hear), "too bad we don't have a detective here to give a hand?"

That was uncalled for and I know this! All I'm doing is bringing her up in his mind and keeping her alive! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Right!?!?!?!

Yeah, but I'm sure what you're feeling is normal. I think you must still be in the "anger stage" or else you wouldn't have said that?

Have you read Surviving an Affair yet? I just got it and am about 1/3 through it so don't know if any help is in the book for your particular situation. Maybe stopping and counting to 5 or 10 before you say "anything" to your husband for awhile would be a good idea. That way you can monitor what you are about to say and not let something "slip" out.
Just a stupid idea.

R?

Hi there DB. Here is a tip for you, "REC?". As a firefighter, I know some police officers. And working and being among men, there are more than a few instances of"indiscretionary behavior" with co-workers and the public. Please do not be alarmed at this observation as it occurs with the blue collar worker and the suits and I cannot be more candid than that.

In most public safety agencies, there are a few resources to help you. Most police depts. have a chaplain's service either directly affiliated with the agency or as a resource to the agency. The other is EAP or employee assistance program open to employees and their family offering many services including MC. The next step I offer is rather bold and involves other people. Make an appointment with the police chief to discuss the matter. He is ultimately responsible for the welfare of the department and his staff and officers make up the department. You may even ask for the department's policy/procedure concerning fraternization. With all this talk about sexual harassment and women in the work force, there should be SOMETHING addressing something relating to your experience. There is or should be a sense of "family" within the PD and it would be good to investigate what you can do to help correct the WH's behavior. Granted, you may NOT want to get others involved, and I don't know if you have. If a sense of sanity is what you want, then maybe you might have to take this route. Just food for thot.