Well, today WS was asked by his sister that since he keeps staying here he needs to pitch in as he has dropped me and the pets off on her, (you'd have to read the story) and all the bills to house onto her. See, he has been coming and going and spending lots of money on MOW and he did go rent a place but was taking one thing at a time outta here and expecting to eat, shower, get his clothes done, blah blah,. I have not been LBing at all, been polite, he is the one who makes the snide remarks, is rude and makes the 3 people in the house work around his wants, cares, delusions, anyhoo, make a long story short, HE would not pitch in for EVEN dog food for HIS dog that he had before I ever was with him, says he cannot afford it!!!! That's how bad "Sir Fogness" is.!!! Well, then sister blew up especially when she found out the money he has been spending as he so proudly told me he bought 300.00 speakers for his computer and some other stuff for MOW, remember I am disabled and am not working; and he can not buy a can of food for dog (not mine,I have 3 and we got another 1 together) so, sister told him she wanted him out this week-end, no more being polite, to go live his delusional life with MOW (who has not left her husband yet). Oh did I forget he left pictures out of them together, him holding her at the exact place he took me to make his vows to me for our life together 3 years ago (yes, I handled myself maturely and did NOT rip them to shreds) But enough already with the deliberate overkill already, well, it was a BAD day for me as I am hurt, but not once did I yell, BUT... my brother told him if he did not leave he would have a restraining order put on him and that was all that needed to be said. See, WS is very bizarre and strange acting, it's more than the fog here, there is a personality disorder that WS will not recognize. He is walking around in stupor, not remembering things he says or does, acts coherent then disoriented and has been paranoid and making up fairy tales, not going to work. Just focusing on MOW and how he wants to keep her in the country so her H can not deport her and having a baby sent from heaven, blah blah...So that is my update Oct.28 was when I caught them, and in a month's time he has gotten to the point where we fear he will hurt one of the pets and or himself, or one of us. He is not a violent man, but he is in a psychosis and will NOT seek help, it's the rest of US that are the mentally sick ones that want to prevent him from his one and only true love. (Uh-huh, I remember hearing that too 3 years ago, but he was not acting like this!!! And I was not married!!! I need some support today, it's been rough and I'm a little exhausted on all planes of existence!! Thanks for listening to me, any thoughts?

Neesha --

I knew we would connect again over the weekend. Sounds like you're having a rough time of it right now. So let me get back in on this and offer my support and concern for you.

Seems to me that you still are able to keep focused and rational throughout; immensely good and important qualities, vital to your emotional health and stability. You even maintain your wonderful sense of humor ("Sir Fogness").

How did you keep from ripping up those photos? I'm afraid I would have lost it at that point; they'd be nothing more than dust when I finished. Sometimes the criminal "wants" to get caught and leaves clues. In your case, WS isn't hiding the A, but is rubbing your nose in it.

If you really are fearful of him and his psychosis, I would so inform the authorities: police, family services, crisis center... Don't mess around with his instability. Let the Pros give you advice and direction, especially when it comes to personal safety.

Of course you're exhausted, tired of all the garbage. So you've done a good thing again by posting here and by coming to us. We're here for you, Neesha, and we'll sit with you whenever you need us. You need to hang in there...

Ammon

I have been reading your posts and you are havng a really tough go at it. I can relate some what. My situation is the OM wants to cause me harm and I'm scared for what he will do to my WW. If you read my post major fights you will get the whole story. Make sure you protect yourself and loved ones first. Call 911 if anything happens. Myself I live way out in the country. I call 911 and it takes them atleast 20 minutes to get here. I have my own arms to protect my daughter and home. I'm not saying to do this if the police get to where you are quickly. For all those who worry about it my guns are locked up in a safe unloaded so my daughter can not get to them. I'm a very safe person. You are still married to him right. You can have him taken in under the pretense he is insane. You have every right to do that. I hope everything works out for you. God bless and good luck.

Our vows were given by word, not on paper, but when we made the vows, I moved my life to another state. Since I was disabled and the promises of me being with him as his "wife" and to take care of home until he finished his degree and he worked fulltime. He claimed me as his dependant on income taxes and stated I was disabled and his fiance' but to everyone else he said wife. This has been 3 years. SO I can not do anything legal to him to intervene on his emotional imbalances, he still IS not all the way out today. Tension is high, he says he's TOO sick and that we are doing this to him out of spite, as if!!!! He is the one who has rubbed and rubbed, noone here is bothering him, but my brother (who is marrying his sister) can not watch Me or his soon to be wife being hurt anymore, he has had enough. It did not have to be this way, "everyone" else is the instigators as far as WS is concerned, he is the victim (typical) as he always has thought this because of his emotional immaturity. Why is it what makes a man fall in love with a woman is her strength, responsiblity, compassion, intelligence, spirituality,humor, patience; and it's exactly what they start to hate and turn against? It amazes me. He could have made this "delusional" choice in a more convenient way for himself, but instead he has made it a nightmare and has left so many people's suffering in his wake. Oh, guess I will be on here for awhile today as he said he will be back after his shift tonight (if he is going to work) and he's still dragging his feet about getting all the way out, he says he does not have to, and that he will do as he darn well pleases and we better grow up... Had to laugh. I did make one comment to him today when he was acting like a child. I said " WS, I bet you were the kid on the playground that ran and told the teacher everytime something did not go your way"!! And he actually answered me, "yes". I just had to walk away and get a reality check here at MB. I need you all so much right now as physically I am hurting because of weather here. You have to know, with my disablity I would have NEVER picked moving up "NORTH", so it had to be for love. I am a Florida girl!!! So go ahead and kick me. Thanks for listening.

Neesha --

"Reality Checks for sale or rent" Any customers? Ah, there's one -- a "Florida Girl" living up north. Well, you've come to MB for support and understanding and, of course, that reality check, so...

You know what's going on, Neesha, you know what this guy's trying to do with you and your family and you're very wisely not buying into any of it. You're calling his bluff and keeping your sanity. I knew-- just knew--that you had a great attitude and a solidly comprehensive grasp of the whole situation and that you wouldn't allow yourself to be "sucked under" in the riptide. I was right!
BTW, how does one train animals up north?--I thought that activity was strictly a warm-weather, Florida-type thing. I know with your disability that you're not working right now but what's the outlook long-term? Are you planning to get back into that field? In other words, what are the propects for you "being on your own" if things go that way?

I'm here; we're all here. Stay with us and hang in Neesha, you're worth it and deserve so much better.

Ammon

Dear Neesha,

First of all, try this simple remedy.....it will not fix all your problems but may help you through the day...... here goes:

Put your right arm on your left shoulder and your left arm on your right shoulder and squeeze....that's a cyber hug from me to U! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That was given to me last year by a dear MBer who helped me a lot. She lives out on the eastern seaboard and I felt it all the way out here in California.

Now to your WS, he is being a jerk and he knows it. That thing about him not being ready to move out and he can do as he pleases attitude better get ready for one swift kick.

Here's a suggestion: When he starts to babble like that, ask him if he would take that kind of talk to him. If he says yes, then give it to him staight back if he says no, then ask him why the double standard.

I did the above. It helped. He had to leave with his now "A" tail between his legs (better that than something else - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). It also defused his anger long enough for me to get his stuff out. He still has not learned how to outwit that comment and I am glad because I wouldn't know how to either.

It is good that you have both your bro and SIL on your side. Work together as a team. If they all speak that way to him it may help drive the point home. From what you post, he sounds as if he is scared to leave and give up the ENs that you are all meeting.

Don't meet them while he is wanting to hurt you. Are you ready to go to plan B? Make sure you understand what that means first.

take care,
L.

Ah, well as for training up north, worked with wolves for a behavioral study. Can not go back to training, because of the neck and back thing, animal actor's guild looks at that as a liability. Also, chemo was stopped so I am tired. But looking for work, they look at my resume quite strangely here!!! (have to laugh). I know that he is finished with me, I have outlived my purpose as far as he is concerned, does that hurt? yes. Will I survive? yes. Am I upset that it had to go down like this? yes. Did I deserve it? Nope. AM I HUMAN? YES. It's that last one that gives me the ups and downs. (darn it). I am thankful for this site, I get to whine on the bad days (and I am not a whiner) and I don't feel bad when I do come here. I can't speak to WSS or my B, they are taking this alot harder than I am, and also if I do get upset, B wants to smack realty back into WS,(as if that was possible). So I am a little embarrassed to be so needy right now on the emotional aspect of things and that I have to depend on you all, please know that I am trying to give as much as I get by replying to any posts that I have some input to add. Again, bare with me, I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel, I just have to keep feeling my way through it. Take Care Ammon, again thanks for being here for me.

Orchid, yes I understand plan B. I also asked him that very question, and he would not answer because HE knows the answer. I make him angrier by not feeding into his meditated jabbing and flaunting with the pictures he left out and all. I also told him (since he sees his sister as enemy now) that I am the medium between him and the rest of the household and that he made his bed and in doing that and still be disrespectful, he must lie in it. This would not have happened as it did had HE not been the a**!!! But he was and as that is the case, he must leave ASAP, and when he said he could not get all things out I said then call and someone will let you in, he said I do not have to call to come to my father's house and get my things, I will tell my father this and you'll be sorry Neesha, (uh-huh....NOT). He does not know, but we are changing the locks, and because of his mental state right now, I do not want him to know nor do I want his S to be yelling at him when he's "NOT THERE", it adds insult to injury and he's not coherent enough to even understand anything but his own victimization. But S is not seeing that because of her anger and hurt. I loved the hug Orchid I felt it here in Wisconsin. Orchid, I had hoped he would come to some "fogfree" moment and be a mature adult about this, but it did not happen. I also told him I would help him move out, and he was an a** about that too. I also told him that whatever he and MOW do, that is his business as long as he takes responsbility for his actions seeing that he HAS NOT taken responsibilty for his actions in our relationship. I told him I loved him but if this is what he thinks is his future by all means go for it. When he spouted his views of this was a gift from God, I said, well I beg to differ, God does not operate from lies, deception and mass destruction of innocent lives for 2 people to go to "FOG LAND". So I think I am ready for plan B as I have had no say in any of this anyways. He has his place and the MOW will go visit him and they can live their little affair out, maybe she will leave her husband (she is from Korea, he is American), and WS and her can have their "baby" from God..BTW all this was said to me from WS, I could not make this crap up on my worst day!!! So, Orchid thanks for replying, I know he is finished with me, I will make it, that I know and have faith in, and with wonderful people like you...I will be all the better for it!!!!! Huggin ya right back with gratitude and tears for the care that you have shown me.

Neesha,

We are here for you..... vent when needed. Pack his stuff put in on the porch or the garage. If it is too hurtful for you to see his stuff in the house, put it out (it was for me). All that talk about needing weeks to move out is baloney.... I learned to move out the WS stuff in less than 3 hours...more like 2 (LOL!!) Of course after doing it at least 5+ times, I got quite good at it and you can be sure the quicker it got the less packing and more throwing things out but it got out faster and that was my objective. Neatly folded shirts, etc was no longer my primary objective...... large green plastic bags took the place of suitcases and boxes. It told him I could even forgo the bags!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> See I was not about to make it easier for him. Not my goal at that point. The OW claimed prego 3 times! Now I hate to say this but this having your baby thingy is a very common Oriental twist that those women use..... trust me on that piece and guess what? I am oriental too but from a much more respectable stock! So not all are bad but you sure gotta wonder........ The OW in my case is chinese and at 45 years (about my age), she wants to start a family? Could tell if she was prego yet was claiming to be carrying a girl (since that is what the BS always wanted). What a nut case. I suspect your's is a nut also. She sounds a bit looney for wanting a child regardless of being married.

So Neesha, go and protect yourself right now. He may need help later but only then, not now. Hugz to your bro and Sil also. I am sure they are hurting too.

Aloha,
L.

Orchid, you really are a breath of fresh air for me as you have my sense of humor!! This I like and your humor and wisdom have gotten me by these past days. Oh I have taken your advice to heart about the "baby" thingy, believe me it will hurt WS much more than it will hurt me in the future. I'm so glad to have you here, as I am listening to him come thru the door and thinking to myself, Darn, YOU have your place, you have a bed, NOW STAY there!!! have fun, mass reproduce, do whatever you need to do "sir fogness", but leave us alone!!! Whew, that felt good. Orchid I appreciate your words tonight, I'm glad I logged on to read them, have a smile and feel cared for. And knowing I'm not totally crazy yet helps too!! (lol)

bumping for Orchid

Hi Neesha,

No you are NOT crazy. If you were, then we would have been mysteriously transported to the mothership and need to escape NOW!!! Where is WAT? LOL!!!

Just think, it wasn't that long ago that you wouldn't have thought of telling him to go back to his place. Small steps Neesha...... Like 'ol Aretha says....'respect yourself'....

As for OWs, well their selfish side will show. They don't get to that status by being nice 'all the time'. WS' don't get there by being nice either. So we are actually better off when they are in that selfish mood. You know at one point I told the Ws that he and the OW really deserved each other and that the OW was right....they were meant for each other.....OUCH....that hurt him more than me at the time. Why? Because I did not want what he had become. I asked him to help me as no other person could.....he said what was that? I told him to please go and find my real H and ask him to come back so I could give him a kiss, tell him I loved him and tell him good bye. I asked this ugly angry man to find my H because he was the only one who knew where he was. I saw a tear come over his eyes and he said, he wanted to find him to. Awhh..... there was still real blood under those veins of ice..... but I still did not want the man he had become so I sent him off. Those words rang in his ears. That was how I learned to get him and OW to LB from afar. oooohhhh she hated me when they LB'd. So I figured, if I had to endure their anger when I didn't do anything....heck.... do something and at least give me some relief from my pain.... Yep, it helped to watch them LB and question each other's supposed love and loyalty..... yea that OW really had to restate all her plans with him because she said that I had the power to break them up. Ok, using her own words, I did just that but let him think he did it. At that point tho' I didn't care if he came back because I was getting stronger and he and the A was getting weaker. Even now, I feel the same.

So work on your strong points and strengthen your resolve. I can share more 'funny' stories with you later..... did you hear the one about the the laundry bag?

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So I am a little embarrassed to be so needy right now on the emotional aspect of things and that I have to depend on you all... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't be embarrassd. Be proud that you have the courage to ask for help. That's my not so humble opinion.

Sounds like you have a good support system there as well. That, along with the people here have kept me sane.

Keep strong and keep posting!

Well I packed (oops, nope meant stuffed garbage bags) his clothes and put them downstairs for him, Again I find out he did not go to work, but instead said he was sick and was going to the doctor. I know he will not be home tonight and I feel great!!!! It's like a great burden has been lifted off this house. WS could not continue to disrespect the house and cause so much turmoil. I love the man he was, I pity the man he has become. I do not want that man around me, this house, family or pets. I really feel there is nothing beneath him that he would not pull because of his state of mind now. I know he has not gathered all his stuff, but he better hurry, things are going to be different from now on, my boundaries are set, he will call before he comes to pick up the rest of his things,and he won't be able to get into the house because I am changing locks. If he would have been civil and half way human, this could have been a better situation for him. He made his choices, if he ever becomes "grounded" again and the fog lifts, then I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, if not; may they make the best of it. Thanks to Ammon, Orchid, Luki, wrngler for the support and care.

bumping for Storm