This has been without a doubt the worst Thanksgiving of my life. My WW is deep in the fog and very depressed.

She cannot stand for me to touch her and any time we brush against one another she pulls back immediately. She told me today that she does not love me and that something is stopping her from having any feelings for me. I asked her if she still had feelings for the OM and she said yes, and that she thinks about him all the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I told her that she could not have feelings for 2 people and if she decided that she wanted to work on the M then I am here for her, but she has to make that decision. She said that right now she does not know what she wants. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She asked me if I would still want her back if she never stopped thinking about him. I didn't answer, no LBers.

I am getting very tired, we have been together for 9 years and have a son on the way. She knew this guy 3 months and thinks he is the greatest. Of course he is the greatest, he isn't going to let any of his bad traits show through in 3 months. Why must I suffer through this? She is the one who had the affair but I feel like I'm the one being punished. I feel like I am loosing my family. She only wants to do what makes her happy. What about me and our son, don't we get any consideration, I guess not. After we talked she left to go shopping, when she got back she was very angry. When I asked her what was wrong she said she didn't want to talk any more and proceded to walk away, slamming cabinets and doors along the way.

What should I do? I have been in Plan A since the middle of August and she has had NC (as far as I know) for about a month. So far things are getting worse rather than better. Should I continue Plan A or should I just leave her alone until she makes her "decision"?

Broken --

Sorry for this mess in your life. I'm glad you're posting here so that we can get involved and maybe even help.

Sounds as if WW is acting according to The Script. She hasn't "made a decision" yet and she'll let you know when she decides what's going to happen to your life. Not much control on your end and all of it on hers--and she's the one who had the A.

So, what's next? In my case, my W wanted time to decide and then decided to let our 19-year marriage go while she stayed involved with the OM. So all that waiting--almost six months--counted for nothing. Can't say that's what'll happen in your situation but it's a possibility. So what can you do to protect yourself from further heartbreak?

Sounds like you're doing right and good things: avoiding LBs, working through Plan A, W has NC with OM. No guarantees here with any of these things, but you have to have a goal and do what feels right for you. Your W's head has been turned, the Fog has descended, your life has been turned upside down.

Are you certain of NC with OM? It's often so difficult to detect and it's really very difficult for the WS to disengage from. Like an addiction, they "can't help it." Not sure what you can do even if there still is contact. Conventional wisdom around here: leave it alone--in time it'll die a natural death. Don't interfere, don't try to stop it.

We're here for you. Please post again and let us know how you're doing. Weekends are slow here so we'll try to get some action going for you ASAP. Hang in there (what we're all trying to do)...

Ammon

Joe, I feel for you, same thing with me receiving the behaviors (some much worse) than you are mentioning, but I have to ask you this, is the OM married? Also,are you really sure there has been NC because that is what my WS said as he was treating me like you are being treated and HE was still in contact, and at the same time when he could not be with the OMW he would come home and be extra nasty to add insult to injury, (really overkill) but your WS is acting just like all the other WS's down to the "I don't want to talk about it" Why?, because it make them listen to themselves and really how immature, selfish, inconsiderate, shallow, malicious they are behaving and that really makes them get angry because they do have sparks momentarily of having "reality" creep in so they must make that disappear as soon as possible, if she stays mad and insensitive to you, then she can justify herself and her irrational behavior, NOT to mention the hormones raging through her being pregnant. I am truly sorry and I do feel your pain, it sucks to receive this and to know it is like a unjust punishment. Please keep posting and there will be someone helping you all the way. Don't let her drag you to where she wants you to operate from, such as raising your voice or trying to verbally get snippy, WS's want us to join in their reindeer games, they want and need to feed off that and will try to ignite us to go off and go down to their level of operating at such a self-defeating, egotisical manner. You have to rise above it Joe, and become strong for yourself, stay true to a healthy way of reacting to her "foggy" irrational, negative attitude, trust me you will have your crap days, but if you let her take you down with that, it will be much more unhealthier in the long run. We are here to give support and you can vent to the cows come home, noone will fault you. But take care of Joe, and be as healthy for yourself and that baby that will be in your life soon. You did not make her choose this, she did. And in choosing the A, at this time in her pregnancy and thinking she knows what's best for her, Please!!!! Don't blame yourself and try to release your anger and pain thru here or working out or in any way you see fit. Don't be goaded into LBing. Hope this helps and we are here for you. I hear the "foghorn" it will be there for awhile until her bubble is burst. Then, hmmmm who will she see as the stable one!! I vote for YOU!!!

Ammon
Are you certain of NC with OM?

I am pretty sure there has been NC. I have checked her cell phone several times and his number is no longer in the call list. She even said (very hatefully) that she was doing what she was supposed to do, she had not had any contact with him.

Neesha
I have to ask you this, is the OM married?

The OM is separated. His wife left him for OM in January. He must really be a shallow self centered person to know the pain that is inflicted through infidelity and to have an A with another man's W.

Sometimes I wish that the A could have continued a little longer and died a natural death. That way she could have seen what kind of person he really is! With the way things are now he is Mr Perfect, and I can never make her feel the way he made her feel (Her words). Of course I can't, we've known each other for 9 years, she knows all of my good and bad traits. We live together in reality, I cannot compete with the fantasy world of the A. Sometimes I feel like giving her up to her adulterous ways so she can reap the true benefits of her A and her "perfect" man.

The part that really tears me apart is that my son and I have no say in this. I love him so much and I do not want to be a part time father. But again, that is her decision, I have already made mine, I choose to save our marriage.

Joe I am so glad that you have the right perspective about this even though you are dealing with the pain this has caused. You are correct, she knows you, as you know her. Well, OM REALLY does not know her, he knows what she wants him to know!! Oh and how perceptive about OM's history, guess he likes repeating, repeating, and repeating some more since he does not want to deal with his issues for a healthier life in relationships, but he is not our concern, right Joe? For whatever reasons she chose this, it has to play out, but I feel strongly that it will not play out as she thinks it exists in her head right now. Every leopard shows its spots!!!! Now, let's get you thru this until that happens and help you deal with all aspects of the A that you will have to deal with on the receiving end. I like your attitude Joe and so many people here will get you thru it!! I'll be here for ya for sure. Take care P.S. of course he has to be shallow,selfish, and anything else you want to call him but remember, He is not who is important here you are and your marriage.

Your wife is 5-6 months pregnant? That could be a big part of her "fog" too. Hormones. Has she started to get big yet? She will get bigger and that could be another downer for her. On the bright side, not very sexy looking to a lover. You could take advantage of this situation by telling her how great she looks and start filling up that love bank!
Good luck!!

dazedblonde
Your wife is 5-6 months pregnant? That could be a big part of her "fog" too. Hormones. Has she started to get big yet?

She is 6 1/2 months now. I thought about the hormone thing but I am not going to cling to that, this seems like so much more (I hope I'm wrong). She has started to get big but she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I tell her this almost everyday but she just roles her eyes and goes on about her business.