I think I may have posted on the wrong board?? Call it begginners luck....My long story is in Plan A/ Plan B. My husband hasn't had contacy wth OW since April. (At least that I know of).. But has mentioned in MC that he still has "feelings" for her.
I know that rebuilding a marriage take time but it kills me that she still has a piece of his heart. How much time does it take for an EA to be completely out of the picture??? At times I feel like throwing in the towel because I feel like I'm the only one really trying..
Any advice would be appreciated.

BS me 41 WH 41
Married 18 years Together 23
D-15, D- 12, S- 9
D-day #1 10/13/01
D-day #2 1/23/02 (Call from OW)

Still,

I know it hurts to hear WH still has feelings for OW. This may be tough to hear; but at least he is being open and honest or what the Harley's call Radical Honesty.

I got a dose of how FWH felt so badly for OW; that because NC was done abruptly; that she didn't deserve to be hurt that way. He was feeling her pain over losing him. Sheesh!

I managed to be quiet through that part and actually was able to comfort him. It was certainly better than having him defend her when he felt I was attacking her.

I feel like there is more for you to tell us that would help explain why you feel you are the only one of you to be actively working on your M. Let us know. Blessings, CSue

Stillhurting01,

I certainly feel for you! Been there, felt that many times over. I keep hearing that it takes up to two years sometimes for reconciliation. My situation (I am BS) has been ongoing for over a year for my W's PA and more than two years for her EA. We BS's work on changing ourselves as well as dealing with a shattered heart while our WS's appear to be taking it easy, riding along comfortably until they decide it's time to do something. It's hard to live this way for any BS. Everytime I've felt I've had enough and there is no hope, a little voice from within(God most likely) tells me to just hang in there. Keep being a giver in the relationship. Try not to love bust. Make yourself a better person. Think about your children and what a broken home would do to them.

Our WS's have no idea what they have done to us. They have no clue to the damage they have caused. They can't even see the depth of our love for them to still be here trying to save the marriage. They are selfish "takers" who are only concerned about themselves. But one day they are going to wake up and see it all.

Our job, if we really want to save our M, is to keep giving selflessly. Keep loving as our Savior loves us. If we don't see our reward here on earth, a better one awaits us in heaven.

Hang in there and pray for God's help.

Jetes

I agree with jetes. my w has put the fulfilment of her emotional needs before everything else. our kids dont get much of a mention. she wants the om the house and the kids and for me to be available to do my duty as the absent father as best as i can. she doesnt want anything to change in her life except for me!! we are on the verge of divorce in fact she is trying to get me out of the house, at present i am refusing to go. an affair is the most selfish thing imaginable and the selfishness doesnt stop even after d day.

Thanks for answring my post....

CSue I can relate when you write how H feels bad for OW because she was hurt also, I wish I could say I kept quiet and comforted him but it was to soon after Dday. I'm trying really hard now to be supportive but feel my needs aren't being met. I filled out the EN survey and gave it to him along with a copy for him to fill out...Needless to say that was almost 3 weeks ago and I still haven't gotten it back. At our last MC he even promised to work on it. I'm just wondering if I'll receive before our next seesion which is next week.
I don't want to make my husband out to sound like a bad guy, he really isn't. He made a mistake which I think he's having a real hard time forgiving himself. It's just he's holding back from me and I really think we need to talk about this (his continued feelings for OW) to get past this. Thats why I wonder if maybe if I ask him to leave he can sort thru his feelings and decide if he wants to be with me (boy does it hurt to say that). But then I wonder how this will affect our children. And the thing I fear the most is he will have contact.
jetes and empc also thank-you, I was praying when this all first happened. I actually put this in God's hands. Then as time went on and nothing seemed to be happening I got angry with God. I had a great converstion with a very special friend today who told me that God works in his own time and to start praying again. I'm thinking I my take her up on her advice tonight.
Also just wanted to let you all know this morning in bed my H asked me how I did the message I left on his cell phone yesterday. I'm wondering what the heck he's talking about. He said you left me an I luv u message in the morning and Hi Babe I luv u last night. To say it was a litle unsettling. Because I didn't even know you could leave text messages on cell phones
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> But needless to say I found how to retreive the message and send a reply to ask who are you. Still waiting for my response back. Just hoping it was someone who got the wrong number <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />