Hi there, I wasnt sure if you would see my post at the end of all the other posts on your message. I can COMPLETELY relate to how you feel! I am so glad you posted... I have been trying for over a year to move on... actually, for a couple of years, it seems.

Yes, the book, Surviving An Affair certainly helped and put some new light on it all. I've realized that an A is like a vacation.... its fun while you are there, but sometime you HAVE to come home and reality isn't as fun. Also, its been compared to a fantasy, the whole fantasy of my OM, of yearning to be with him and not being able to be there, of wishing he would call, would write.... that ALL played a part.

BUT, i've realized that fantasy is not and can NEVER be reality. In reality, my OM would NOT make a good husband...he wouldnt make a good father... he probably wouldnt even be a good friend and listener... and he certainly would NEVER have loved me as much as my forgiving husband.

But.......something about him made him an excellent lover! Sigh.... I would memorize his touch, his kiss, I had NEVER allowed myself to be so totally inlove. So, yess, this is a tough thing to let go of. Its tough to let go of a fantasy, an illusion....

But, I'm working on it. EVerytime I see a trigger, I try to think of something negative about the OM. Everything I hear a love song and start dreaming of OM, I immediately turn off the song. Everytime I see a place where we visited, I try to remember places that my H and I have visited. I'm working on changing...

Thanks for posting... "Please Help Me"..and good luck!