My WH I think is in complete denial with himself. I have yet to present him eveidence of his A but I've told him I know and of course he denied it. But I truly think he doesn't believe it himself. I made him a Christmas list for me and on it I put for him to not have contact with other women and to get a new cell phone number. He said to me I don't know why your so upset I've known her (OW) over 10 years, we're just friends. Friends don't leave messages describing where they put their hands and mouth on your body, right? He's so serious though that they are just freinds, could he really believe that himself?

Do you plan to present the "evidence" to him? He's deep in a fog and not realizing how much you know so of course he's going to deny it.
DB

You'd be suprised what they believe. My husband didn't orgasm when he had sex with the OW, so it took him a while to admit that he HAD sex with her!! He kept insisting he didn't!! It took him several days to finally admit that just because it wasn't good sex doesn't mean it wasn't SEX! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It is Truly Amazing the things they can convince themselves of! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You'll have to wait until the dust clears to get to the truth. He's still deep in denial.

You've got a long road ahead of you. I wish you luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just can't believe how they convince themselves! Baby Blue, isn't it sort of funny how they think? I believe you 100% that that's what your WS thought. Any funny thing, yesterday my husband came home from hunting camp and I burned my neck with a curling iron and it looks like a sucker bite. You should have seen the look on his face when he asked me what I've been doing that I have a sucker bite. I just started to laugh and said I don't think you should be asking me questions like that. He said, what do your mean, he is in complete total denial. What I wanted to say was So, how does it feel.

<small>[ December 04, 2002, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: onelastbreath ]</small>

Onelast..

I am confused here...have you confronted your husband with evidence and he denies...or have you confronted him with just inuendos and suspicions...

Am curious about what you are waiting for?
And concerned that the more you lightly approach this the more you difficult time you will have communicating effective resolution...

Almost like game playing...You play the same role of accusing him...he plays the role of denial...but be warned games have a way of blowing up...
He can easily turn to you and say...fog induced ofcourse...well why shouldn't I have an affair thats what you accuse me of all the time...etc..blame you for forcing the idea into his head....etc...yikes..!! seen it here before though...

Again none of this is meant to be confrontational...just trying to understand what exactly your goal is in this....

He's just going to keep blowing off your remarks and will have good practice at it when you really attempt seriously to communicate your needs/concerns with him...I would think about playing to much with this issue....

just wondering?
ARK

OLB, when he saw the burn, you shoulda said, the curling iron and I are just friends!!!! (just kidding) anyways, the denial thing can make you feel like you are watching and listening to someone who just had his body snatched by an alien. He looks the same but the things that come of his mouth you could never imagine in a million years he would say!! Please hang in there, but I think it is time to present the evidence at least for your own sanity, it might not make him be any less in denial but you might feel alot better (as good as you can feel under these conditions) Just a thought, others here have alot more experience as I have only been dealing with for 2 months. Take care

Ark, I have confronting him saying that I know and he denies it. I have not confronted him with evedience yet because I want to have more and if he knows I've been listening to his messages, he will change the password and than I can't get them not to mention how pi---- off he'll be. I think he's starting to feel a little guilty though, he's keeps confessing his great love for me. Maybe he thinks I'm just guessing and I know I need to make a move soon but I least I got him wandering.

denial is a powerful drug, and this anology is one way you can process WS behavior.

Ever try to argue with an alcoholic in denial? or a drug addict?

Same thing.

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

By all means, confront him with whatever hard evidence you have, but expect lies and denials beyond those you've already heard. Although the best hope in presenting evidence is that the WS will instantly see the light and the fog will clear, this is rarely the case.

But do it anyway.

Each piece of evidence that the affairee knows has seen the light of day adds to the weight he/she has to bear in the form of either guilt or inconvenience. Over time, it's this accumulated weight that wears them down. Eventually, the "benefit" of continuing the affair is overtaken by its costs. This is what signals the end every time. Yes, some are much more stubborn than others, but the weight is there and very real.

I have yet to present him eveidence of his A but I've told him I know and of course he denied it.
And when you present him evidence of it, he will STILL deny it! It doesn't matter what the veidence is. You could show him pictures and he will tell you your crazy.

Baby Blue,
My husband didn't orgasm when he had sex with the OW
and you believed him?

Okay Chris Okay.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Do I believe him??? I honestly don't know what to believe right now. I'm still in EARLY recovery. At least I *think* we're starting recovery... Right now it's hard to believe him when he says "good morning". <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> So I'm going to give you an "I.O.U."... ask me later.

babyBlue: In my H first A, he, too, said he didnt' complete the act. That he was too intoxicated and passed out. A one night stand. Well, 18 yrs later I found out it was not one night stand, but for several weeks, over almost 3 months while working out of town during the week. And they were together several times a week having sex. So! The old saying holds true."there is no such thing as bad sex for a man they say".
Just some better than others, but a man is a man is a man. And I'm convinced most will lie throught their teeth while looking you straight in the eye. This reminds me of Clinton who said he never had sex with that woman. LOL What the heck does one call oral sex? Clinton is just another example of how well men can lie when their cheating. Confront! LouLou

This reminds me of Clinton who said he never had sex with that woman.
On my d-day (Christmas night, 1999) I was asking my wife what's going on. I asked if she had ever had sex with someone else. She said, "what do you mean by sex?"
This was after Clinton and I could not believe it!