Has anyone else reacted to reading Surviving An Affair in the way that I am reacting?

I was optimistic when I started reading SAA (after more than a year, FWH had finally made good on his promise to order MB books for rebuilding our marriage).

This is my alarming reaction--the more pages I read, the more I think that I should have an affair of my own....I go back and reread to see exactly which words are saying that to me, but I don't find them....and after rereading a page or two, I have to focus on all the reasons that having an affair (it would be an exit affair) is actually the WORST thing I could do to myself, my kids, my FWH, and even to the OP (who I haven't even met yet).

What is wrong with me? And what do I DO about it??

Btw, I have informed my FWH of this problem I'm having and told him that I am asking for advice here (he is in agreement that I can post about it--in general, posting at all is HUGE LB to him). I also told him that I hope he will participate in helping me deal with this....as this is not a good thing for him to leave me on my own with.

Thanks,
ya

after more than a year, FWH had finally made good on his promise to order MB books for rebuilding our marriage)
And you couldn't order them because?

he is in agreement that I can post about it--in general, posting at all is HUGE LB to him
The only things we know about you are your name is "YetAgain", your married and your the wife. I'm just curious as to how this is a LB in his eyes?

as this is not a good thing for him to leave me on my own with.
Absolutely! The FIRST person to help you when you are struggling in ANY way should be your spouse.

What is wrong with me? And what do I DO about it??
Nothing is wrong with you. This is a "normal" feeling after an affair is exposed and the bs has had time to digest it all.

From what little you have described, you guys haven't done a lot of "rebuilding." Simply being a "FWH" does not make the marriage better. Making the marriage better makes the marriage better.

What have you BOTH done in the last year to "work on the marriage?"

Thanks for the good questions Chris!

after more than a year, FWH had finally made good on his promise to order MB books for rebuilding our marriage)
And you couldn't order them because?
----FWH had to do it "in his own time", plus there was no money and a lot of debt and behind bills because, well, you know where that money had gone. FWH agreed to read at MB, but it turned out that he hates reading at the computer. So we decided that we would buy paper and print out what is in the info pages--two binders worth!!--but he read very little and very rarely. He said that he needed the books because there wasn't enough detail in the website info. The books arrived a few days ago. Now he says that he needs to buy a good reading lamp so he can read them in the bedroom (he said the same thing about being able to read the printed out stuff too). Long answer, probably was more of a vent than an answer....short answer=I thought the only chance that he would actually read the books was if he ordered them himself, when he was really ready to (not when he was just saying he would in order to prevent divorce).

he is in agreement that I can post about it--in general, posting at all is HUGE LB to him
The only things we know about you are your name is "YetAgain", your married and your the wife. I'm just curious as to how this is a LB in his eyes?
----I don't get it either, but I have accepted it. I still hope that one day he will start lurking here, and my dream is that we can post here too.

as this is not a good thing for him to leave me on my own with.
Absolutely! The FIRST person to help you when you are struggling in ANY way should be your spouse.
----I agree. FWH might be starting to agree with this too?

What is wrong with me? And what do I DO about it??
Nothing is wrong with you. This is a "normal" feeling after an affair is exposed and the bs has had time to digest it all.
----That's comforting, thanks.

From what little you have described, you guys haven't done a lot of "rebuilding." Simply being a "FWH" does not make the marriage better. Making the marriage better makes the marriage better.
----Exactly. For me, the most damage has been done in the last year and a half of NOT putting effort into rebulding, and FWH insisting that I just get over it whenever I asked about the reading, etc.

What have you BOTH done in the last year to "work on the marriage?"
----A) we've done the same old things in the same old ways, then B) we've make agreements about how we will start doing it differently with MB principles, then C) ya brings lack of rebuilding up--FWH says that we'll "keep working on it"--ya says "What do you mean *keep on* because we're not doing anything?", then D) we've made agreements about how we will start doing it differently with MB principles, then we've stated over at A) and repeated this vicious circle many, many, many times. THAT's why I am alarmed at my reaction to the FIRST REAL indication that we could be finally entering recovery!!

I should be happy and optimistic now--FWH ordered the books and took one to work the second day in case he found time to read. This is good, right? What's wrong with me?

Now he says that he needs to buy a good reading lamp so he can read them in the bedroom
What does he do now when he wants to read (a book, readers digest, tv guide)?
At least he is headed in the right direction (getting the books.)

Okay, now what have YOU done for the marriage in the last year? (This is asked not to criticize, but to give you something to think about.)

A) we've done the same old things in the same old ways, then B) we've make agreements about how we will start doing it differently with MB principles, then C) ya brings lack of rebuilding up--FWH says that we'll "keep working on it"--ya says "What do you mean *keep on* because we're not doing anything?", then D) we've made agreements about how we will start doing it differently with MB principles, then we've stated over at A) and repeated this vicious circle many, many, many times.
It's not about when "we" will start to do this stuff. After all, we can't make anyone do something they don't want to.

Have you learned and applied Plan A principles? When you have been doing this stuff and he sees the results (no lovebusting) he will realize it does work.

Happy Holidays Chris!

I dug out this post to finally respond to it (kind of, anyway).

Thank you so much for your questions and responses. They very quickly led me to what was really happening--it was a pity party that I had slipped into without realizing it. I should have known because my attitude was similar to a fogged WS and I was again starting to be a WS Wannabe--how nuts is that?

I apologize for not replying back to you sooner but I didn't know how to do that without indulging in a bigger pity party than was necessary or was good for me. Thank you for helping me see it for what it was. I am now back to dealing with reality instead of what I wish reality was.

Today my FWH and I separated--with love. I am disappointed and very sad, but the relief I feel is worth the tradeoff. I know I did everything I could do without his help or participation, and I did it for a lot longer than I thought I could or planned to. After 20+ years of marriage, it is time to move on.

Happy New Year to all of us!