<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:51 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

Oh, Baby, I'm soo sorry for your problem.

Maybe she needs a written letter of no contact? Or maybe that would set her off even more. I think she is a definite time bomb, though. Could she make trouble for your H job? I hope not.

About the other matter, how long was it before you realized you had the STD and I'm guessing your H had it, too. Don't really know anything about them and just curious...
DB

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:18 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

Ok, sounds like this woman is hurt (if she's fat and ugly she's probably got a bit of a self-esteem issue and there most likely isn't a line of suitors lining up at her door). Emotions, when you give in to them, causes you to do some really dumb things. She may be a total snipe, but she may also have had a crush on your husband (as wrong as that may be, we're not dealing with logic here) for a long time and be really hurt and angry right now. You have one side of the story and from my experience as a WS, I know that my FOM sure as snot wasn't completely honest with his BS. I know there is also things I don't discuss with my BS about the affair I had and, for my part as a BS, there is a lot I'm sure I don't know about his infidelity. You know his version. I'm not even saying he's lying, but he could be looking at things much differently than she is. She may feel he took advantage of her; truth be told, you don't really know what she's thinking.

Regardless, her actions and comments are completely inappropriate and, unless your H company has strict policy against it, then I would have H tell her that if she doesn't cease and desist with these completely inappropriate comments and behaviour patterns, then he will have no choice but to take it to her superiors and file harrassment charges. That should, if she is even remotely professional, shut her up. Once he's done that though, he really has to be super serious about the NC rule... no hellos, no how are you's, no unsupervised conversation of ANY kind. If there's a work project that needs to be discussed, he needs to have another coworker in the room.

That's my two cents, for what they may be worth.

Baby - I was thinking about your problem and I don't know if I COULD go to my own DR about it. He delivered both my kids and I just think it would be too AWFUL. I think I would have went somewhere else! You are brave and I bet it SUCKED!

Good luck at MC tonight.
DB

Dazed,
Both partners should always go for STD testing after infidelity. It's one of the health related consequences of unfaithfulness.

Physicians aren't shocked by the request. If they are, they aren't professional and you probably need a different one. Concern is perfectly acceptable.

It's far better to be aware of any resulting STDs and take care of those that can be treated than to shy away from facing reality.

Sure, it's an ugly issue, but it isnt' separate from the infidelity, it's just part of what has to be dealt with if recovery is going to take place.

Baby BLue you are completely doing the right thing for your health.

As for the OW, don't let her actions change what you want to do with your H. If you usually go to lunch, do it.

I think it's ok if your H doesn't speak to her yet. Consider this her one "free pass". If she continues with the harrassing comments, he should go to his supervisor, or hers, if they are different people. Or he could simply ignore her ugly behavior.

My H still works with the FOW, she was ugly for awhile, then gave it up...though I'm not particularly looking forward to seeing her at 2 Xmas parties this Sun & next Fri. She also took "victim" status. That's crap. But, I don't have to worry about what she thinks about herself or her re-writing of history as long as my H keeps their relationship strictly work.

BabyBlue: Has your H informed this slut of the std's? Or perhaps you should give her name to your doctor and let him handle it. I thought once you had STD that the state health dept. would contact the other person? Otherwise, she'll continue to spread this stuff.
I went to my doctor also for testing after I found out. H said he had been tested way back but I didnt' believe and so I wanted to be sure. Thank God my Doctor was a lady and not a man. But I still felt such shame and embarrassment asking as I was afraid they'd think it was me who had screwed around. It had been some long time until I found out about it, and she said it was not probable that I had anything without symptoms in between. But I wanted to be sure! What a horrible feeling to sit there and ask for testing for STD's so I can totally smyphathize. I think if there had been any, I would have left my H for good. The horrible thought is what if there had been and no cure? Praying for you BabyBlue. God bless, LouLou

Poster Deleted

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:18 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

Good for you twice BB!

BB-
I am so with you on this experience. I too contracted an STD from my WH. That is how I found out about the A. The utter humiliation of having this procedure done almost did me in. My doctors were totally professional and even counseled me about anti-D's during this period. My H and his OW were totally unaware of her disease (Chymidia, almost always symptomless) I just suspected the A, and thats why I requested the test. I was so shocked when it came back positive for something. I have since had to go back 3 times for follow up testing because of additional symptoms that have appeared. The fact that my H had so little care for my life is a major factor in why I feel I can't move forward toward healing. Take heart in knowing that you did nothing wrong and the nurses and doctors have seen all this and worse. It feels like everyone is looking at you and know your shame, but I think it is in your mind. I know that is the situation in my case.

actually, you should be using protection for alot longer than the 2 weeks it will take for the std testing. last i heard, you should have your first aids test now, and keep using condoms until after the second one in 6 months. hiv doesn't always show up in the blood right away, and can even hide from testing.

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:19 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:19 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>