I am a BS but I am not here to pass any judgments or tear anyone down. Jesus said "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and we all know that none of us are without sin.

What I really want is to understand what is going through your minds when you are in the A, after you ended the A, and when you decided whether or not to return to your S. My WW was in an EA for 3 months and a PA for 1 month, there has been NC for ~1 month. Right now she is deep in the fog, one day she talks about our future together, painting the house, taking vacations, etc the next day she is looking at apartments and talking about moving out (I am assuming to resume the A).

What was it that made you realize that the A was only a fantasy and want to return to your marriage? Is their anything that you wish your S had done to help you through this difficult time? My wife cares about me very much but she does not "love" me anymore. If you have made it through this what made you start to regain your feelings of love for your S? My W and I were very much in love up until about a year ago (when we started trying to have a child, this took longer than we expected). Sometimes I just want to shake her and tell her to open her eyes. We had a great life together (even she will admit that) not to mention we are about to have our first child. How could she want to give up and throw all of that away? Of course I can't do this (big LB) but what was it that caused you to "open your eyes"? Was it something your S did, was their something that your S could have done to make it easier?

Sorry for all of the questions but I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle (even though right now I am the only one fighting). With my W so confused and deep in the fog we can make no progress and I feel like if we stay stalled very long she is going to leave.

I posted a similar question in Recovery.

What turned the tide?

Some good responses there. Hope it helps.

Broken_Joe, I am a BS myself. What I'm wondering is if your wife is pregnant if there are some hormonal changes taking place that are effecting her. And please don't take this the wrong way, but do you know the child is yours? I'm just trying to figure out why she is on again, off again. Time to ask her some tough questions I'd say. She owes you some explanations. But hormonal changes can be tough on a woman plus she may be suffering from depression. I'd love to hear the reply from some of the WS's myself. Thanks for asking a good question here. God bless and heal you both. LouLou

ladyLou
Broken_Joe, I am a BS myself. What I'm wondering is if your wife is pregnant if there are some hormonal changes taking place that are effecting her.
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I know hormones may be playing a part in this but their is much more to it. The problem is, she is so deep in the fog that she "doesn't know" what all of the problems are and even if she wants to work on the M.

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And please don't take this the wrong way, but do you know the child is yours?
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That's a fair question, the child is mine. We found out my W was pregnant one week before she went to the beach for a girls weekend where she met the OM. The affair didn't become physical until 2 months later.

Broken_Joe, hang in for the long haul.My WH told me a couple of years before the A he didn't love me anymore. But I had been experiencing a deep depression that effected my whole family. He has since retracted that and vows he loves only me. That he was just stressed and thinking I'd never heal. I pray your wife comes around and finds she truly does love you. Maybe this is her way of justitying her A. But there is no justification. They just look for any excuse or path to try to overcome their own guilt. I hope this is what's going on with her. And she will eventually retract that comment for your healing. God bless, LouLou