<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> This is my 1st time ever writing...So, I may get things sort of out of order. I've been reading the post, and I can't believe that I'm experiencing the same thing. My ? is my husband has 2 Affairs, the 1st was over 10 years ago and we separated for almost 10, we came back together we talked about the problem and now I found my H had done the same thing again. This time he was in the relationship for 1yr.1/2 yet,as he says without sex. But, he deeply fell inlove with this W as well as her falling inlove with him. Well, he got found out and dropped the other W. I don't want him anymore. The trust has been destroyed, and the more I look at him I cannot get past the thought he spent his time with the OW while coming home to me. Now after a year he still cannot be sexually active with me. He broke off the relationship with her.Makes all kinds of excuses that he is sick, etc... I know better. I read the letters they wrote to one another and you can tell that the relationship that they had was more than what he tells me. He doesn't want out of the Marriage, but I just can't seem to forget what he's done to his family once again. While he was playing with this OW he had no problem in the sex area with me, I never suspected he was seeing another W. I feel she is still inside my H (the ghost)because of him falling so deeply in love with her, now he cannot be a husband with me. I'm losing all respect for him. He wants the marriage I want out. 1/4 of a century with this man is alot of time. I gave him the best, at least that's what I thought. He gave up to much of himself to this OW.

Note: They were Co-workers so they saw alot of each other, when their shift was over they would spend time together in the day. I thought he was still working, I had no idea he got off work so early in the day. Because of all the lying, cheating I feel he just doesn't deserve me. I'm hurt, he broke my spirit. Sometimes I wish I had never taken him back when he did this nasty deed the 1st time. I guess I had a forgiving heart plus I loved him. But, I'm falling out of love with him, He didn't love me, not while telling the OW how madly inlove he was with her. He didn't respect me, his family, and he doesn't have a clue of what being committed to a marriage is all about. Now, he is so afraid of me leaving him, that he wished he never done it. I've heard that before. The OW quit the job, but the damage has been done, and I feel he needs to see someone about the dsyfunction he has. We don't fight, we talk but things he always tries to avoid the OW thing but I tell him somewhere he is going to have to face himself as to why he feels he must go outside the marriage. He not only hurt me, but he hurt the OW, she felt he was going to be with her. I believe that he had sex, they were just to involved with each other. OK, I can go on and on but any input would be appreciated.

Am I STUPID for not leaving?

Can't stop the Pain49:

Well, if you're stupid for not leaving, guess that puts you in a whole lot of good company. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No, I don't think you're stupid. I think you have your reasons for staying with WH and they are good reasons.

However, it doesn't sound like you or your WH ar doing anything to try to fix the M, other than living together. He says he wants it - that's part of the battle won (although only a very small part).

But after that comes the hard part. And it has to be fought on both sides. He has to understand how to be a good H and resolve the issues that brought him to the point of having an A. He has to acknowledge what he did was wrong & start making you feel like you're the #1 person in his life. He has a lot to make up for, and you deserve apologies & love & care from him. Alternatively, if you want to save your M, you have to make efforts too. You have to overcome the resentment you're feeling, which is draining your love. Understand that recovery will take time.

Are you going to a MC? Have you both read through this site & worked through your problems?

Sorry if I'm making assumptions here about what you are doing to save M. I just got the impression from your note that you two have not worked out a real plan. And that's the one thing that the Harley's insist upon - have a plan for going forward. If you don't know what kind of plan, read this website. It's pretty much detailed here.

Can't, I read your anger and hurt, and understand it. I feel that you would not be reacting with so much frustration if you did not still love your H on some level. I just think the pain is clouding your heart and head right now (and justifiably so) I know how it hurts about excuses and the silent distance that you just can not quite put your finger on. I guess, it's time you set up what avenue or plan you would like to engage in, and please post often, sometimes the voice of many helps us open our vision wider and let alot more light in on the situation. I do not have ideas as to why you were separated for 10 years if I read it right after his first A, and then to rejoin in marriage to have it happen again, maybe the underlining issues are still very much hidden in his mind or what is going on inside his head,I guess what I'm saying is that we may get a better feel for the situation if you would keep posting with more info, as did you 2 seek counseling, what agreements you made to each other, was their improvements and that backslides? There are so many wonderful people here that have been here much longer than I have so please post and they will join in. Just wanted to bump this up for you to get something going. Take Care. I would say to you this: Try to figure in your mind what you want to see progress with your marriage, you have to eleviate some of the pain that is storming your senses now,this is a great place to help tame that dragon.