I have been married for 21 years and loved my wife very dearly. However over the years she has often been withdrawn and and doesn't want to be involved with the family. I found out this year that she was sexually abused for years by her father and then by her grandmother. Two years ago she begin having relationships with other men. Last year I confronted her with this and she said would stop. She even wanted to have rededication of our marriage. Two months after, however, she tried to reestablish an old relationship, and within four months she was agressively looking for other men. During this time, I followed MB advice on making love deposits. When I confronted her this time, she choose to leave the family so she could be with her male friends. She is now jumping from one relationship to another, intimitly involved, with a number of men. She has also filed for divorce. Is it right at this time to leave this whole thing behind and move on in life or to keep working with her? The boys are very angry and do not want to see her anymore.

<small>[ December 05, 2002, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: rpcarri ]</small>

rpcarri,

Heartwretching for you and the children. To your question,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it right at this time to leave this whole thing behind and move on in life or to keep working with her? The boys are very angry and do not want to see her anymore. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think anyone could say whether or not it would be the right time to move on. That is something you will have to decide. But you can do whatever you can, at this late stage, to protect the children. This is so hard on the young ones. Not to mention you. But sometimes we BS are blinded as to what is best for the children, causing them much greater harm and pain.

Others will be along to advise better than myself. No matter which path you choose for your relationship with your wife, be a solid rock for the kids.

Wish you the best in whatever you decide.

jd

rpcarri,

Are you from Australia? You sound like the H of one of my H OW. I remember the sadness I felt for her H and thinking about her children not wanting to have anything to do with her. I befriended her and encouraged her to work on her relationship with her children, but she betrayed me as well when she started talking to my H again.

This must be very painful for you. Your W obviously has some issues that she needs to work on in IC. It sounds like you have been doing Plan A and need to go to Plan B. As much as you have been hurting and are giving up, I think that if you follow SH advice in SAA, he says you will not have the same feelings for your W at the end of Plan B and will be ready for the D. This way you will know that you have done all that you can do.

Hang in there.

<small>[ December 06, 2002, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: onlyUcan ]</small>

Thank you for your advice it is very helpful. I am not sure what "plan B" is, but diffinitly plan A has run out. To be very honest, I am not sure I would like to re-establish that relationship knowing that she has slept around.
Thanks again