<small>[ January 27, 2003, 09:54 PM: Message edited by: kings kid ]</small>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{kings kid}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry you are feeling so depressed. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Your husband does not deserve you. And, if you deside to leave the marriage I doubt anyone here would blame you even a little bit.

If you deside to stay you might consider letting your H prove himself to you. I think you have more than done your share. Time for him to s*it or get off the toilet. You should make that plain to him. He must do a great deal if he wants you to stay.

Please keep us informed, and, take care of you.

jd

My heart goes out to you. I think I would do the same if I were in your shoes.

I wish there were something we could do to help. God be with you. Please let us know how things are for you.

Perhaps losing you for good is the only thing that will mean anything to your H. What a fool.

LIR

Dear Kings Kid,

This is the place to be in our situations. Support and encouragement is here even when all around us are not able to help. Maybe it is too much for others to handle. Whatever the reason, we are here for you.

I totally understand what you wrote. I was given the same info. You sound like a major giver, ditto.

Let's help each other ok? All your posts here are important. Just be patient with those of us who are slow in responding.

I have to go and help my H clean out a storage locker he just bought (at an auction)...... as if I don't have enough to clean here at home!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I will check back with you later.

Remember most of us are where you are at. You are not alone and your input/advice/suggestions/thoughts and concerns are still very important and very much needed.

If this is healthy for you, continue to post. Please!

Hugz,
L.

KINGS KID-

Please return and post and vent, etc. This is a wonderful place to help you with your own healing.

Perhaps one day your h can again be who you need as a h.... for now maybe it is time to work on you and make you happy.

I am sorry for the pain, but I know I am getting stronger and more and more OK with the time I have spent here.

My h has been blaming me the whole time. I am truly tired of it too. I too believe there is no reason EVER to have an A- but as human's we all make mistakes.

It is not in my h's heart to treat me truly as I need right now. He has made some progress, but not enough for me... my h and I are still seperated, and as far as I know no A right now....

We are finally in counseling. It sounds like you already did that ... but maybe you and your h need more of it.

Maybe if you leave he will realize what he is losing. Don't leave for that reason, but he might not think he can take you for granted so much, when he finds life without you in it.

It sounds like you are a wonderful person, keep that in mind, and that you deserve love and happiness.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to you.

Honey

Thank you for the words that I need to hear.
JDMAC, I sure appreciate the hug. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think you have more than done your share. Time for him to s*it or get off the toilet. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right.I have given him 18 long months to finish his business but he has refused. I appreciate you telling me that I have done more than my share. I havr tried to follow the advice of MB and keep making deposits in his bank but I am well overdrawn. Lately, I have LB'd and that is not like me. Your concern helps a lot.

LADY_IN_RED, Bless you for your understanding.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Perhaps losing you for good is the only thing that will mean anything to your H. What a fool.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not hear a lot of positive things and your statement makes me stand tall for a change. It's like having a friend to stand up for you when the rest of the world is not paying attention. Thanks.
Orchid, Your posts are always so comforting and encouraging to me. You are a wonderful lady and your words are like healing balm to my heart. I hate to know that anyone is going through this hell on earth that we endure but I feel better knowing someone does understand and cares.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I totally understand what you wrote. I was given the same info. You sound like a major giver, ditto. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I now remember reading something in one of your posts about the fact that you had the same situation. I apologize for being in such a state of mind that I did not keep that in my mind. The anxiety and depression has played hard on my thought processes lately. It is an indescribable situation to have someone you love make you think they have a lifethreatening, devastating illness that makes you become deeply concerned,go into action to get them the best of help, worry and pray for their well being and then find out it was all a hoax. It seems more cruel than usual to me. I am so sorry that you know that feeling. At the same time there is a part of me that is thankful that our H's truly did not have the devastating disorder return to them. Mixed emotions for sure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I have wanted to post toMortarman at times as my heart breaks for him going through the difficulties of what the military and the marital war has done to him. I get encouragment by his posts about trusting in God. We are human and the flesh sometimes will get in the way of allowing God to handle things.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Remember most of us are where you are at. You are not alone and your input/advice/suggestions/thoughts and concerns are still very important and very much needed.

If this is healthy for you, continue to post. Please!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your compassion is so wonderful. I just closed my eyes and soaked it up for a moment.I have felt soooo alone for so long and reluctant to reach out. I do have input that would hopefully help others but this situation has brought me to feel that I am worthless and useless, lately. I apologize for being so focused on myself and not reaching out to you and to others. I get great joy out of helping others. I went to another support site before I found MB's and it was totally different. I was flamed, degraded and blasted for posting to someone about trusting in God and saying I would say prayers for them by those who do not believe in God. I have NO hard feelings toward anyone for their spiritual or lack of spiritual beliefs. I apologized for offending anyone and never returned. If I cannot help someone, I do not want to ever hurt them.

Honey, Bless you. I appreciate your encouragement.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Maybe if you leave he will realize what he is losing. Don't leave for that reason, but he might not think he can take you for granted so much, when he finds life without you in it.

It sounds like you are a wonderful person, keep that in mind, and that you deserve love and happiness</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The last part of your note is so precious of you. Thank you.Thank you. I have been so faithful, forgiving,devoted and committed my H feels 100% sure of me. It is a flip flop thing with the thoughts of leaving. I f I go, I am giving up on all of the work,effort,and dedication that I have put into this marriage and rebuilding.If I stay he will continue to take me for granted,do the same thing again thinking I will still be there,etc. Tough love is the hardest. I think that if he went to someone else as good as our relationship was, there would be no way to return to work it if I leave and release him of his commitment totally. I honestly keep thinking that tomorrow will bring something new, an a wakening to him, a revalation,etc. I know it is not stable, sensible thinking and I was doing so very good for a long time. I Plan A and had not heard about it.I went to Plan B and had never read on MB. I know it was God that was leading and directing me. It is I who has let go of the close spiritual walk and allowed my mind to become so bent lately. I needed you folks to talk to and to help me. From the bottom of my herat I thank you. This slide backwards had been caught by my fingertips by those of you who care. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I thank you everyone. If anyone has a question that I might can help you with please feel free to ask me. I will be reading and watching and posting. Peace.

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: kings kid ]</small>

So sorry for your terrible heartache Kings Kid, I will have you in my prayers, God Bless you.

A/C0810

King's kid,

I am so sorry for all your pain. First the pain of the A and now the continued pain of being the only one trying. You have given a lot to your H and M. Know that feeling I have been there. I was the one working hard to keep us together and happy and I am the one who got dumped. It's a real kick in the stomach. No one can blame you for how you feel. Come here and post and get strong. You might want to check out if you are in depression.

Your H definitely needs a wake up call. You have done what you can. Now maybe you need to do what is good and healthy for you.

Good luck and God's blessings to you.

Sharon

kk--

i'm new here and haven't got all the lingo or concepts down, but...i just read your post and had to tell you my heart goes out to you....i'm so sorry that such terrible things happen to such good people....

and, i also want to tell you that i think you need to give yourself permission to be angry and hurt and VENT!! if u do anything at all, i hope you allow yourself to become stronger for YOURSELF--even if your husband doesn't give you what you deserve, you CAN! don't let this defeat you....

my favorite verse is ROMANS 5:5 that says (sorry i don't have my bible handy, so i paraphrase) we rejoice in our sufferings because suffering builds character and character builds perseverence and perseverence hope...and HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT US!!!!!!!!!! it always reminds me to learn what i can from the bad times so i can be better in the good ones...

you're not alone...there are hundreds of people here who understand you...keep your chin up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Kk,

How are you doing?

L.

KK -
You're not alone. I've just gone through the exact same thing as you. Months and months of trying to make it work, doing a great Plan A, loving my WH and hoping he'd return and be the man I married, finally letting go and realizing we were bound for Dv.

Then something happened in the past 3 or 4 weeks. I started losing it. All the anger and bitterness and misery I've been holding in for so long has finally come to the surface. And now I'm so bitter, it affects everything I do. The way I react to my co-workers, my attitude at work, my relationship with friends, even my sleeping & eating habits.

I don't know what brought all this to a head. Maybe because my WH and I are working on a property settlement now and the fact of Dv is finally becoming real. Maybe because while working out this settlement I'm having to contact him more now than I've done in the past 3 months. So I've had ample opportunity to tell him exactly what I think of him. All those vicious, nasty, horrible (but true!) thoughts I've been keeping to myself are finaly out there.

You asked, is this normal? Probably. But I don't feel normal. I don't like the way I feel. I want to go back to the serenity and strength I felt while Plan A'ing. But I think I had something then that I don't have now - a crutch that gave me that serenity and strength. That was hope. And all hope is now gone. Maybe the same is true for you.

A long-winded diatribe on me. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

I have been out of touch and I apologize for not responding sooner. What a great feeling to be gone a few days and return to find people who care and have posted. Thank you.
ACO810, Your prayers are needed and greatly appreciated.Even answered! I am feeing better.
Footballwidow, You are right. My H needed a wake up call. I finally opened up and let it all out and told him I was at the end of my tolerance rope. He decided to get busy. He stayed at home from work with me for 3 days. He has talked and explained a lot that he would not talk about before.It might be a beginning.
Moonjava, I did vent and let it all out! It helped to knock my H into gear and he has started talking and letting me know that he does want this marriage and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep it and make it right. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i'm so sorry that such terrible things happen to such good people....</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That makes me feel so good. It helps to know I am not alone. It truly does.

Orchid, Sweet lady I am here.I opened up and hoped for the best. I am amazed at the difference it made.I have been too nice for too long. I plan to continue to be nice but not a door mat any longer.My H has taken 3 days off from work just to spend with me and he has surprised me with his willingness to talk and put forth an effort to show me he loves me and wants this marriage.Thanks.

SH94, My heart breaks for you. When we help to carry another person's burden,it seems to help lighten our own load. Your situation has to be very hard for you right now. Keep remembering that you deserve good things and peace,even if life is not bringing them to you right now,you deserve them and if you do all that you know is right, you will be a winner somewhere down the road in life. Thank you for your concern and encouragement.
My heart is soothed by the concern and advice. Thanks to everyone and I will keep posting.