Hi All,

Well, as you may know there is a custody battle going on between FOW #2 and ex-H over OC (Ry). Ex-H wants full custody PERIOD. They are going to court on the 16th of this month and FOW #2 and her family have asked me to lend any support regarding ex-H's character. I have plenty of "official" documentation from the courts regarding ex-H and current OW, and will probably give them copy.

Anyway .... when talking with FOW's grandmother last night she tells me that her son (we'll call him Hank) saw Lana (current OW) in a bar this last Wednesday night, without ex-H.

But more importantly, OW was sitting on ex-H's best friend's lap and they were going at it. To quote Hank "she was sucking on his neck and kissing him all over the place, they were HOT and HEAVY". Hank said he went up and talked to OW, and she was drunk and didn't recognize him right away. And when she did, she immediately started making excuses for her behavior.

Said she was just lettiing off steam and stress from being a full time SAHM from raising all the kids her and ex-H have. And that ex-H was fine with her going out at night to let off some steam.

Then the next morning OW called OC's GM and started again explaining herself in fear GM may have gotten the wrong impression from her son and what he saw her doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> GM played dumb and acted as tho she knew nothing.

I'm just speechless. But there's more.

This Kareoke bar that OW frequents is right down the street from ex-H and OW's house. My ex-H's best friend owns it. And this best friend is the same best friend that OW was boinkin before/during when my ex-H was having his affair with her. On our answering machine, OW threatened to have sex with H's BF if my H wouldn't leave me.

I also hear my ex-H constantly brags to everyone what an absolute wonder Lana (OW) is. How she is the best mother and fiancee. How they are a family.

They have been living together now for 8 mos, I just wonder if this is the beginning of the end.
I don't know what to think, and a part of me is so upset to know that Ryan may be subjected to more unstableness. I swear you'd think everything they have put people thru, and with these small children in mind, why in the world won't they make themselves act mature and quit the cheating behavior.

Guess this is what's suppose to happen, Karma and all. I almost feel bad that my ex-H will most likely get to feel all the facets of betrayal he put me thru. I'm afraid OW's behavior sounds very much like what Dr. Phil talked about on his show. Meaning, what do infidelity-couples expect when they enter into an adultery-based relationship that is void of integrity and honor. A foundation of sand with just more of the same.

Thanks for listening. I'd love to hear what you all think of the recent events.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Jo--

Are you really surprised?

I mean I recall you posting other times about this woman's serious lack of character...

I understand that you may harbor some concern about your XH having to face some turmoil, but it seems like he brought it on himself...

altho I will admit it's tough when the chickens come home to roost...

I do understand your concern for Ryan and perhaps this will help your resolve in doing what you can to get him out of what sounds like an unhealthy situation...

Karma....hmmmmmm well, that's probably as good of an explanation as any....

Take care

E

Hi JoJo Bean.

I'm both amazed, yet not surprised.

The human mind is an amazing thing, huh?

Please do what you and GM think is right for Ry. Don't touch that tar baby of a web XH and his "wife" are weaving.

Amazing. Expected. Predictable.

Dave

Hi ELad and Dave,

You know, I know I shouldn't be surprised BUT I AM. I just figured that my situation was different than everyone else's and that OW REALLY loved my H. That it was fate for them to be together because they had a baby together, even tho it was a ONS.

She was desperate to have my H, I honestly thought once they were together that's all she ever wanted and would never EVER cheat on him once she got him. I believed this, and to know that she's out in the bars sleazing around with his BEST FRIEND no less, to me, is mind boggling.

You're probably going to think I'm a bonehead, but I somewhat feel sorry for my ex-H because I know he was trying to make sense out of all this and create a family atmosphere for the kids involved. Even tho he did do it in all the wrong ways, in selfishness, and hurting so many people.

I was convinced my situation was within the 5% of adultery-based relationships that would make it. I just was.

Jo

<small>[ December 07, 2002, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
Don't touch that tar baby of a web XH and his "wife" are weaving.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dave,

They haven't married, they have told people that they can't because OW will lose her SSI if they wed.

Interesting that she is receiving SSI (Disability), yet she is well enough to continue to frequent bars. What an offensive fraud.

Jo

Yea, Jo, I know.

That's why I put it in quotes.

To symbolize not only is she NOT his legal wife, but she's not a wife in any other sense of the word, either.

I identify with you in that I often conclude that my X's new marriage will also be one of the rare exceptions. Why do I feel wrong saying that I hope not?

Dave

Jo- I am sure that it is sad for you, sounds like you still have concern for xh, as I would too---

Perhaps the relationship with xh and ow will come to an end.

Would you be willing to take him back if the situation ever opened up to that? Not anytime soon, of course....

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

Sounds a lot like my fil- also a guitar player.... his 3rd wife .... cheated wtih him on the 2nd- the 'mom' he had raised the kids with.... and eventually she cheated on him... and he moved on... but very quickly again into a 4th marriage..... the 3rd wife, ow, was rumored to have had the A with other women.

Hugs to you, Honey

Hi Jo,

You have to be kidding Jo, you didn't think their A was one of those 5% which make it.
No way.
I know the feeling though, I'm afraid my H has found his happiness now.

About OW's behaviour in the bar etc., a thought came in my mind... maybe your exH has cheated on her??? OW's tendency to get back at your exH by threatening of sleeping with his friend being an example. The behaviour patterns of serial cheaters are so deep. The OW has not changed and learned a thing. I know you want to think positively about your ExH, but again who knows. He could well be repeating his patterns too.

Looks like the honeymoon's over...

You have done so well Jo, just stay on the background and enjoy(if you can)being a spectator
of this "death of yet an another A" drama.
And for your care and concern for Ryan, you have a heart of gold.

Jo,

You are so awesome!!! Yes it is ok to sit on the side lines and cheer. A little!!!!! Just remember to take care of Ryan.

It is horrible what the OW is doing with her own children, definately not mother of the year material!!!!

I to am in the boat thinking that X has found the true "Happiness" thing, wishing not!!! But thinking "He put us thru this, for what?" Don't see all the happiness that he claims he would have after divorcing me.

Just my 2 cents for the night!!!!

Jo, take care of you and don't fret too much about other's problems!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is a very clear demonstration of just why people need to "earn" their way out of a marriage. We earn our way by pain and learning ... then, we do not re-cycle the same relationship mistakes ... over and over.

There might be a screenplay in this .... hmmmmm...........

Hi Honey,

Thanks for responding. And "no", I will never take my ex-H back. Well, wait ... let me preface that by saying ... IF he got a lobotomy, and had an exorcism .... I MIGHT then consider it ... and oh yeah, he'd have to sign one of those J Lo contracts about no cheating.

Jo

Thanks Bears ...

Sure does seem like maybe the honeymoon is over. Only 8 short months of living together and OW is showing her true colors.

I think it was funny how she was trying to cover her butt by calling everyone and explaining it. OC's GM was cracking up on the phone with me when she was telling me about it. Saying how obvious it was what OW's agenda was in calling her. How nervous OW sounded.

OC's grandmother (GM) said she pretended to not know what OW was talking about ... and OW was digging herself a really deep hole the more she tried to explain it away.

I know I shouldn't be surprised at the fact OW is screwing around on my ex-H. It's just hard for me to imagine someone messing around on someone they supposedly loved so much.

I responded on your post on D/D, Bears. Please go read, Hon.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Hi Dawn,

Yeah, I am angry about the fact that my ex-H put me thru so much torture and hurt to be with someone with the morals of a rutting moose.

I know everyone told me it was doomed from the start, it's just that when you are "IN" it, you can't see that. You feel you were less than a perfect wife and then think the OW will achieve that perfection where you failed.

But for my Ex-H and OW I can imagine even tho this is starting to crumble, and knowing my ex-H, he always waits until things are REALLY REALLY bad before he'll admit it. Denial is his refuge.

So this Affair may still take years before it truly ends. By that time, I'd be amazed if one of them hasn't killed the other.

Jo

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 09:21 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Hi Jo,
This kind of reminds me of my H's FOW getting together with H's housemate during one of our reconciliations. Then when H wanted to move back in with Housemate...err, "I'm seeing OW."

"Soulmate love", sure, but that doesn't mean she was gonna WAIT ALONE for my H....

I feel pity that your ex H is getting what he deserves...and the way Karma works, you get back SOOOO much more.

I wish you the best.

Hi Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I agree, ex-H has only earned himself another chance to learn, IMHO.

A screenplay? LOL .... In order to understand this convaluted mess, someone would need a roadmap and OW legend first before they could decipher who's boinkin who.

Lv,
Jo

Hey there Lor,

How are you , Hon?

You know, I'm guessing OW can only hide her true self for so long, then the winds of Bar Sleaze call out to her, and she comes running.

Lora and I were discussing which EN my ex-H isn't meeting. We decided it was the EN of "Debotchery Recreational Support". LOL

Lora also pointed out something very interesting. That being, my ex-H is now ME in this relationship (day job worker and all boring) and OW is now HIM (bar fly and night tramp), respectively. LOL again!

I was just very sure they would have been firm in their commitment to one another, if for no other reason to show a united front to gain custody of OC (Ry). Chalk it up to poor impulse control, coupled with chronic immaturity.

Stay tuned ... sure there's more to come, once OW thinks she got away with it.

Thanks Lor!
Jo

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Hey Jo-

I can't speak for all cheaters (for lack of a better word). But for me it was more about a pattern of behavior than it was about any one person.

When I was cheating I always needed something/someone new and exciting. The "having" was boring. It was the chose that got my blood pumping. Seems like Lana is the same way.

It's not new. I certainly can't speak for all WS, but i've seen it over nad over and over. It's one of the main reasons that I told xMM i'm never marry him. I said to him "why would I marry a man who I KNOW cheats. Do I look crazy to you."

Thanks for asking, Jo, I'm good. Just put up a thread about my yearly Xmas partytime with the FOW. I think this made the 7th party of various kinds since our reconciliation.

Last time (a couple months ago) I saw her I felt a glimmer of pity, a nice change from seething hatred.

This time...it just didn't matter a whole lot, despite I was prepared for it to!

However, her H (H's old housemate) doesn't look happy...but, like your EX, housemate knew what he was getting.

Suppose there is a market for used soulmates?

Hi Katie,

I hope I didn't offend you in any way with how I repsonded to Lor. When I talk of OW, I get somewhat P/O'd for several reasons.

That's so interesting about the behavior pattern you mentioned. So do you know, is it a matter of not being able to make yourself happy, or is it simply that boredom sets in.

You see, OW is 46, but has been frequenting the bars forever. And I do mean FOREVER. I'd think she'd be ready to settle down someday?!?

I really don't understand this anomaly. I thought she'd be happy to give up her life style to be taken care of and have a permanent man in her life FINALLY. She's been thru a gamet of loser types according to ex-H. And lets face it, she's no spring chicken.

Jo

Jo-
I wasn't offended by what you wrote because I didn't even read it. No worries. I'm not going back to look for it now.

Again, I can't speak for all, but i'll tell you this. There are those for whom "settling down" and being "taken care of" are goals. There are those for whom it is not.

I think it's the magic elixer theory. There are people who will ALWAYS be looking for that magic elixer. That next great job, partner, drink, lover, child, whatever.

The truth is that peace is found within. When you're looking to be fulfilled from without it'll never be satisfying. So when she didn't have him or didn't have him fully i'm sure getting your H was the "answer". Once he's there and she see's that he's not it she continues the search for the "it."

Talk about lookin for love in all the wrong places.