I was just wondering if anyone out there wakes up thinking or planning what they will do next. I wake up thinking about all the things I want to say to my WW. Of course I don't tell half of the things I think up. Most are major LB's. It's weird I'm still sorta asleep when I do this and when I wake up I feel fusterated and upset. I think it has alot to do with me not being to pushy. I just want to say "HEY WAKE UP FROM YOUR FANTASY AND COME HOME." just venting alittle. It may also be that my WW called last night about our daughter and she is always so mean to me when OM is around. She is totally a diffent person when he is gone. Anyways has anyone else ever woken up planning? Whether good or bad?

wrngler, when I wake up having a dream that has WS in it, I usually see him as the shell he is right now (void of any warmth, compassion, humanness towards me in the dream, also I get glimpses of something that might be happening to him in his life (such as getting fired from his job.) It's like a clearing house of anything that I have let take root in my subconscious that needs to go to the consciousness and be viewed to clear the way for me. Be it mentally, or emotionally, are minds seem to have a built in safety net when we are reaching unhealthy limits. Our dreams seem to be that safety net to reel us back to a mangable less threatened place. So maybe for you it is a clearing house for you to not practice LBing but being able to process thru your dreams makes it healthier for you in dealing with your situation. That's the safety net in it. Does that make sense to you? You know you can't consciously say what you want to say to her, so therefore you dream that you do, and hence, "safe for you for not LBing and also safe for you to balance yourself out mentally to not let those feelings really get trapped in the subconscious.

Ok Wrnglr,

U may think this is funny and it is but it happened. The first Saturday of March 2001, 6am, I had a dream (not the Martin Luther King kind but it was resulted in a 'march' for me - LOL!!). The dream was in a room full of people, kinda like a business meeting in an offsite location...... many professional people there and for some reason I was in the medical profession (I am really in a payroll/tax environment but what the hey, it's a dream right?). Ok, now I meet this guy, he looks like George Clooney - (don't laugh, remember this is MY dream - just kidding). We talk and then go our separate ways. A couple of weeks later, I get a phone call and he invites me to spend the day with him. He lives near the beach and we talk, go for a walk, rollerblade (hm.... I really don't know how to do that), we go out to lunch, see some sites, casual stroll on the beach, do some shopping, go back and he cooks dinner and we have more casual conversation..... a couple glasses of wine and then..... that's it, no SF (end of dream) but I woke up feeling great.

So great in fact, that about 45 minutes later, I called the WS (he lived in a rented room) woke him up and told him 'ok go get the d'. Why? Because I had finally reached the stage in my heart where letting go was an option. I also realized that I could have a decent relationship with another man and be treated well. SF was and is not my main goal in the M but a good relationship was. I always knew this but somehow it had to sink deeper. I also realized that the WS was in no position to do so and may not ever be. That was a sad piece of reality but very true, then and now.

It was a dream. I don't want a relationship with the guy in the dream (I hear in reality he is a womanizer but in my dream he was just a nice guy). But I learned that I have worth and value. I needed to keep that in the forfront. That way no matter what the WS and OW threw at me, I knew better inside and out.

So the feelings you are feeling right now could be due to the fact that your self worth is being tested. That is why so many of the older MBers tell us to work on ourselves first. Kinda like putting on the oxygen mask before helping others. It is really the best way for all involved.

See some of this fix is NOT within our control. If we keep banging our head and trying to fix what we can't even touch.....well the one to get hurt first is us. Then what good are we to ourselves or anyone else, even the nut who is hurting us the most. ya know???

Just my take,
L.

Wrngler, I did wake up from bad dreams, many, or just in a depressed mood. They ruined most of my day as I get depressed and angry. Then I do major LB'ing. I go to sleep at times and wake up with plans. But not always able to make them reality either. And I do imagine doing things to OW. I think this is normal for us with the pain we're experiencing. My counselor said it's ok to imagine, just don't do anything in reality like harming OP. Of course, they have to report it and notify OP if you make threats of great harm. So if you're in counseling and having ill feelings, don't say you feel like getting rid of OP for good. Know what I mean? They have to protect OP if they think you're serious. But counseling is to let out all the repressed feelings. I simply told mine of my feelings, but knew I would not carry through. Just anger and it felt good to imagine what I'd really like to do. But we have our irrational times too that pass.
Anyone thought of putting positive notes up around house? I do sometimes put on bathroom mirror, and scriptures or daily devotionals.And positive messages to yourself. That way when we wake up in foul mooods, we can immediately see something positive to offset them. Concentrate on the positve that way. I know my days are up and down. Too often. I just want to feel happy and secure and safe all the time. But then the negative thoughts come, like are they still lying, or planning? This is irrational on my part but hard to stop. I know it's over as there is no contact. And My H and I are together all the time as he retired this year. WE go together everywhere, shopping, dining. I have access to his mail, can walk in here anytime he's online. I answer phone all the time, and no calls. I see the phone bills, no contact. I Know he used bought calling cards when A was going. So I've been through wallet and all places he used to hide stuff and no calling cards. Yet! the dang negative thoughts still come. It's just hard to rebuild trust and feel safe for a long time I think.I now am free of the nightmares. Thank God! But the thoughts are harder to control. I suffered deep depression for almost 5 yrs, so it's easy to go back into it doctor says after this. But I'm fighting that hard as I swore never to go there again. That was really hell. Good luck and God bless, and I did pray for relief from the dreams. Believe me, God answered that prayer. Now I'm praying for relief from the negative thoughts. God has a reason for his timing, I'm sure. Perhaps to work at cleansing my heart and forgiveness for all.I know I need to really work on my Christian faith. I am saved, and I know my thoughts are not good or in God's will. So perhaps he is letting me learn the hard way how to let go of it all. We are not to hate anyone, but hate the sin. But I find myself hating OW and this is harming only me. LouLou

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's weird I'm still sorta asleep when I do this and when I wake up I feel fusterated and upset. I think it has alot to do with me not being to pushy. I just want to say "HEY WAKE UP FROM YOUR FANTASY AND COME HOME." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do exactly the same thing. The wheels are always turning. But the one thing that I discovered is at some point, you have to make contingency plans and re-assure yourself in order to keep sane.

When I am frustated, I step back and look at the big picture and ask myself, "Am I doing all I can right now?". Then I tell myself the following, "You are not wasting your time. You will be better off no matter what happens. I know that I will have done my best if it doesn't work out and someone else will be lucky enough to have me in their life and vice versa."

That kind of recharges my batteries when they run low which is more often these days. Hope that helps.

great feed back. I'm just glad I'm not loony or something. When I wake up I actually get rid of all he negative things I'm thinking and I come up with some of the best ideas yet. Sometimes I wish I could jut stop thinking about thingsand just relax. It's kinda hard to turnoff the ole brain. I have had hose dreams of just destroying OP but of course I would never do anything in real life. I just keep hoping and praying.