Hi Honey!
ALWAYS good to hear from you!

Hi Sue!
It is so hard for me to say if I am ready to move on or not. I have basically been a single mom for about four years now. He was either moving up in the company in another STATE, or always "working". So I don't know how much different my life would be without him. BUT... I miss my friend that I had when we were together. We are just finding that again, but to him it's all NOT REAL. Maybe it's not and I'm just kidding myself. I also can not think of future plans and not have him in them.

My Mom asked me yesterday if he had asked me to come to Christmas with him, and it hurt my heart to tell her no. But I think it is assumed that we would be seperate. If I make it through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, it will be a miricle. I am having SUCH a rough time thinking of celebrating it with out my little girl with me. I even got a cookie plate that says, "Watch out Santa, my Mom made these!"

My parents have been great, they are making a dinner (which they were NOT going to do) and asked me to come up on the 24th so I wouldn't be alone.

I am also wondering what he is thinking now. I told him that we needed to only talk about our daughter, but he has been COMPLETELY COLD to me on the phone. Maybe things are heating up between OW and him again, and the last thing he wants is for me to want to reconcile. I don't know... I just feel alone and unloved tonight. Sorry. I'll stop the pity party now.

I wonder if he has read this thread and I pissed him off??? Well, I can only guess now HUH! Thanks for always listening!

PQ

Hi PQ- I know how hard it is to imagine having a totally different life without the one we love... at least still love. I am starting to get these flashes in my head of him being mean to me... which has been going on for some time, and it is killing the love slowly. I truly am losing respect for the love of my life.

It is so difficult to deal with his actions and treatment of me. He has changed into someone who has truly convinced himself how bad I am.... UHGH...

People that know, think I should dump him.... except some here and some that know how determined I am. Truly, how long can this go on?

I just hate this.

I am sorry to hear about Christmas without D... that is very big of you to do that.. I think he will truly miss you on that day... like thanksgiving probably.

Please email me, I need your address..... for some mail I have for you.

I hope today is a better day. I am starting off this am with some real pain .... and general stuff that is still going on from him.....

Things can get better. We are at least going to counseling, but my h seems to think it is for attacking me... luckily the counselor sees this.

You are at least dating your H! that is good! Keep him confused with your good plan a. I don't think the sf is that bad... actually I am beginning to think things were better when we had more of it... ????

Thanks for coming back around, glad to hear from you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs, Honey

Hey pq -- Why don't you tell WH that maybe he could take care of your daughter this weekend because you're going to hop in the car and drive to Denver and come to a holiday party with your friend unsure where there are sure to be lots of good looking wealthy men, champagne, and catered food and that your friend unsure is going to make sure you have a hot outfit to wear and introduce you to lots of nice fun people.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care pq. Please don't feel unloved. Your WH loves you deep down, your daughter loves you unconditionally and it sounds as if your family does too and so do we here at MB.

<small>[ December 12, 2002, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: unsureheart ]</small>

You all are the best!!!

My internet has been down for two days, so sorry about no response.

Honey I will e-mail you back as soon as I can get back on my own internet. (I can't do it from school) Thanks for the encouraging words. I really need them right now.

I had a breakdown last night while advising my cheerleaders at the B-ball game! My WH told me that his big family Christmas party is this weekend, but it is not his weekend. So I asked him if he wanted to take her anyway. Well... He said, "Huh... I'll have to let you know." So I asked him if he had plans and he said no. Then last night I asked again since it was THURSDAY! He STILL hoed and hunned around the issue. So I just said flat out, "I think you are not being honest with me, so I don't want to talk to you anymore." Then my mind got racing. Is he going down to Las Vegas? Is she flying in? Does he have a date with someone else? Well... I lost it!!! I knew that something was up. So when I went to pick up my D, I could not even look at him. He called after I got home and wanted to know what was wrong. I finaly told him what I thought. HIS REPLY >>> "I was thinking about going down to LV and going to my old companies Christmas party (the one OW STILL works for), but I decided not to go." So I said, "When does her flight come in?" He of course denied it, but I know there is probably something going down. I guess I am just SO saddened by his consistant disrespect of our M. ANYWAY...

Unsure!
I SO wish that I could come this weekend! I absolutely LOVE DENVER!!! If you have any fun stuff coming up, let me know and maybe I can work something so my D is takem care of and I can come! You are so sweet to invite me! I am VERY flattered!

Thanks again everyone who is helping through this rough time of year!

HUGS!!!
PQ

Okay, it's just me again. I guess I just need to know that people out there care about me. I crossed my boundaries again with WH. I HATE IT!!! I miss him and adore him and when he asks me to come over and see him, I WANT TO GO!!! And when I do, he convinces me that SF won't hurt anything, it will be fun and what do I do??? I GIVE IN to him!!! I cried all the way home from his house. I just wanted him to come home with me, but I guess that is never going to happen.

I talked to him about Christmas as well. I didn't like the idea that my D is only going to believe in Santa for a little bit longer and I was not going to be there for Christmas morning. Well... I guess I am going to go down to St. George after all. I will probably stay at his Grandma's house, not with all of his family, then drive over early that morning.

Am I crazy??? Should I just give up hope that he will ever want me and our life back? I just don't know how I can keep living in limbo and wanting to have a family and a husband.

Please reply!!!!

HUGS!!!
PQ

PQ,
The bottom line is that we don't know. We just don't know. You have to live like you believe that it can work.

I think you need this story today.

Lostva's story
Go about 6 down to Lostva's big post ( there is a small one only a few down, go past that.)

If I recall, you are not really a praying person, I hope you don't mind if I pray for you both.

SS

<small>[ December 17, 2002, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

PQ- Why are you letting him have D for Xmas? I am not letting him.. I agree to share the kids on the holidays, but not let them go.. he can see them the day after if he doesn't want to have half a day or such.

I know we all must make our own decisions, but he is the ws? I pray he will work with you to share Christmas, that is way more fair, ... is he traveling or something? I know you mentioned he was going to see his family.

I care and I am here - a bit caught up in my own problems with a sexist supervisor at work! UGH! Pray he will get the idea to treat me better.... today my big mouth, after much prodding, actually called him sexist. He stormed out of the office and took his cookies with him... big baby that he is.... Hugs and more hugs to you... I know all the stress I am under is compounding all of this...

We are gonna make it!

Hugs, Honey

pqstill,

I don't judge people ... it is not that you are not strong it is 'cause you love your H and still. I don't think you should be in any form of plan B and also holding back SF is two edge sword for you. Never hold anything to get your H back ... read again basic concept. If H is back because of SF not 'casue of you then what <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ... I 've sense that you will have a problem with SF and I 've tried to change your mind before. Focus on plan A for you and fillin H ENs for competing w/ OW.

Hang in there ... -rh-