What a day. My WW called and wanted some of her christmas stuff. I said fine and took it when I dropped our daughter off. I talked to my Mother i law. She wantsusto work things out. I was happy to hear it because I thought she was against me. I stopped by WW work and chatted with her a bit. OM man showed up and I thought I had to leave. She told him to leave because we were talking about our daughter which wasn't true. I stayed for awhile and we talked. I left and went home. I ate watched the football game and chatted with my parents. MY WW called and asked if I would bring her some dinner. I said ok and took her something. We talked about things and I was helping with her closing things. OM showed up and this time I left. I could see when he went in that he was mad. They were arguing as I left. WW called when I got home and told me she didn't want me to come down to her work anymore. I asked her if he put her up to this and she said yes. I asked if we would talk later and she said yes. I'm not sure if she did this to make him feel better or if she meant it. I don't think she meant it. It was funny because my Mother in law told me they fight all the time. It just hurt that she would tell me not to see her anymore. Oh well another day done I guess.

When are you going to realize that you are aiding her A?

The best thing you can do to help destroy that A is to simply stop being a part of the triangle. If they fight all the time and your W does not have you to vent, how long do you thing the A will last?

Why are you so afraid of plan B?

hmmmm...interesting. I know it sounds as if it's all screwed up...and in some ways it is...but in many ways as far as this OM is concerned...you are the OM and the threat.

You've been doing wonderfully, don't lose faith now. You've got another ally on your side in your MIL and we moms do have our subtle and not so subtle ways of getting what we want from our children...even the grown ones.

Abid by her request not to go by her work...UNTIL she calls and asks you to come...and I'd be willing to lay some odds it won't take long before she does. She depends on you a lot! And you've been the one who has been there for her over and over again. She's not stupid, even if she's acting that way at the moment...she knows that if she gets hungry, she can call you to bring her something...and you show up with dinner in hand.

AND...she didn't lie to you about why she asked you not to come. That's great. Even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. She may be turning a corner without even realizing it, where she is telling you the truth now...and lying to OM. (lying about why you were there and talking to her earlier as one example)

If they are fighting all the time, then his making demands will only increase the friction and also add to the resentment level of their relationship.

Not as big an ouch as you first thought...was it??? That's the wonderful thing about this site...you see another way of looking at a situation...and the possible meanings behind it.

After I posted my WW called on her way home. She said she only said what she said to make OM happy. I said great but it still hurt. She told me he threatened to move out if she saw me anymore. She said she didn't care if he did. I doubt that however. She only called me and told me tha to shut him up. Then I said well maybe that's what I should do. I don't want to cause problems. She told me no that she wanted me to be around. I said well I'll see. I said goodbye and have been thinking it ovr all night. I feel like there is more I can do in Plan A before plan B. I think her and OM are at the breaking point. I'll give it a few days and see what happens.

First of all, you have every right to "be around" for your daughter. OM has to know that you will be in the picture for many many years to come. I'm sure he hates that.

But second of all... Your wife is LOVING this conflict. She's feeding off of it. I was a WS, so keep in mind I've been in her mindset. She's sick right now..so while you may not believe that she could possible like all the conflict and indecision...she's an addict and she's living off of it. She knows it isn't going to last with him, but she can't let him go because of the fantasy part she's addicted to. She still wants all her options...she wants her pillow to catch her when she falls...that's you.

Plan B would be fantastic right now. It's true that you have become the OM at this point. Let her relationship have some reality. Let it end because of what it is, not because of your interference or presence. Make arrangements via a third party to have your daughter at the agreed upon times. Speak via email instead of over the phone. Don't let her in...don't let her manipulate you. The longer you let her do it her way, the longer you'll be stringing along.

Good luck!

wrngler,

Just wanted to let you know that I agree with all the previous posts. IMHO, think about Plan B for a few days. I think a dose of reality may be the straw that breaks this camels back. Tough decision, I know.

Wrngler, I'm fairly new here, so I don't know all the issues. But when your wife moved out in 2/01, was she seeing the OM then? I see she moved back in 3/01 and you had a daughter in 11/01?
Since your wife is allowing the OM to dictate about talking to you or seeing you, I'm thinking it might be better as someone suggested. To make arrangements to see baby through third party. Maybe I'm not going along with Dr. Harley's plan, but by always being available when the WS ask, we're enabling them to continue to use us and have their cake too. How do they come to decide when they are giving up nothing? Hope it works out for you. You seem to be bending over backwards to try to give room for decision on her part. And since she still wants to talk to you, I think she's not giving up on the M totally.
LouLou

<<<But when your wife moved out in 2/01, was she seeing the OM then? I see she moved back in 3/01 and you had a daughter in 11/01?>>>

Please tell me I'm not the only one doing the math here -- it's a terrible thing to have to ask, but are you certain this child is yours?

psycho_b. As you can see from my post above yours, same math, same thought. Could that be why WS is so reluctant to give up om?
Maybe Wrngler needs to insist on a paternity test. Sorry Wrngler, but it just might be necessary. LouLou

Child is mine. My wife got pregnant and then moced out when she went into a depression from the hormonal changes. Yes I have thought of what you are saying but OM was not even around at that time. Om was my friend and he was across the gountry at the time. I didn't really talk to him that much for about a year and that was right in the middle of the time she left before. My WW carried for almost 10 months. she was really overdue. She actually got pregnant the last week of 1/01. Besides my daughter looks just like me.