At an online community some one posted on a forum about having an affair.I offered my support and someone made a derogrtory comment to me about me having had the affair.

I know I shouldn't care, but it hurt my feelings that she would judge me like that. No one knows the situation I was in, no one know the personal *ucking hell I have beent thru with my H. And to pass judgement on me like that.. it just hurt. Just reaffermed all the horrible negative things I have ever thought about my self for having that stupid *ucking affair.

Like I have to be a perfect *ucking human being ? I made a mistake!!! No one makes mistakes? Not even HUGE ones?? It just made me so angry that she would pass judgement like that... There but by the grace of god go I. It just hurts all over again, the shame of being a WORTHLESS WIFE! I couldn't even keep my damn legs closed!!!

Euphoria,
People should make judgments about adultery and that is the risk you take when do it and when you tell folks about it. *YOU* have even judged that it was wrong behavior, so I don't know why you expect everyone else to shut up to spare your feelings. WHY??

I know how you feel, though, and I had to accept that my adverse reaction was a personal problem based on guilt. I was guilty but I didn't want anyone ELSE to point that out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I have not committed adultery but I am a recovering alcoholic. I used to listen to the most condemnatory slams against alcoholics and get just furious. Until I realized that THEY WERE RIGHT. Yes, alcoholics are "irresponsible." Yes, alcoholics are "selfish." Why fight it? When I quit fighting it and just agreed with what I knew was the painful truth is when I calmed down.

Just calm down and quit expecting everyone to either shut up or congratulate you for wrongdoing. Thats unrealistic. Hang in there and take your hits like a man, I promise you it will get better.

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 07:44 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

euphoria
infidelity is between the H and W and none of us are to judge. I am not being mean but i totally disagree that an A is a mistake it is many very bad Choices...
You have been there so you know and there is no excuse for any type of A. But as they say you can't go back and change it now. But you can learn and in my opinion you can help others understand the WS side and maybe help someone not to go down that path.
I am the BS so i can't begin to understand what you are going thru i am still trying to figure it all out myself. even though each couple's situation is different the pain is the same.
The one thing i am finally start to get is that once you have made the wrong choice you have to live with this.and if you love your S then you have to put forth every ounce of that love to make things right.
You are in a position to help others so and I can't believe im saying this don't beat yourself up. I am not one to give advice but the one thing i believe and i told my H this: You were the one that was weak no matter what the situation and now you have to be strong for your S.
That is one thing about a marriage while one is weak the other has to be strong. This is only my opinion.
On a last note No one ever has a right to judge you other than God and yourself. You know what you have done and No one needs to rub it in your face. But you do have to work it out in your own mind and heart and fix what has been broken. My best to you!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't expect everyone to shut up to spare my feelings, I don't expect anyone to condone my actions. I am guilty And I accept complete and total responsibility for my actions. People don't have to like what I did, but name calling like whore and adulterous *lut are hurtful and demeaning when you haven't been in someone elses shoes.

I know what I did was wrong, I know what I did was hte most god awful thing . But unless you want me to point out all your short comming , keep your filty name calling to yourself. Thats my point.

I have a name for you, Brave. I make no judgements on right or wrong. I am trying to understand a difficult situation as we all are.

The honest admissions you make to yourself and others is helpful for someone like me, so continue to enlighten some of us who can not get this honesty from our spouses.

euphoria

The nice thing about MB forums is that they are moderated forums where filthy language and vicious attacks are dealt with quickly, no matter if the attacker is a BS. This is not the case with other online forums (like facereality.com forums) where there is no moderator and every bitter and hateful individual can post the most vile things to hurt another human being, and not be brought to task for doing so.

If you insist on posting on those unmoderated forums, you will have to develop a very thick skin and just ignore the destructive and hateful posters, because otherwise you'll be emotional roadkill most of the time.

As far I'm concerned, I admire a person like yourself that admitted she made a terrible choice in having an A, but was adult enough to end it and confess it to her H. It takes guts, that unfortunately not too many people have, including us BS's. Please do not leave because of what a few negative individuals say to you, because you ARE a good person that we can all learn and benefit from.

MelodyLane

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MelodyLane: "Hang in there and take your hits like a man"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FYI, euphoria is a woman (we should have a little Homer Simpson smiley describing the expression "Doh!"). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

again thanks TMCM. I do want to point out that it was NOT here that I recieved the derogitory comments! I have gotten tons of positive support and help here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I feel better now after chilling out all day. My H is a phenominal man. I am so lucky to have him!

euphoria - Jesus told the woman to 'go and sin no more'. He did NOT condemn her. He did not rant at her and toss verbal abuse at her. Yes, sin in all it's forms is ugly, but through Christ there is no condemnation...just hope for a brighter future and strength from "lessons learned".

If I may offer a bit of advice...stay away from any system where you see people being verbally abusive....none of us is without sin and we all live in "glass houses". One thing to think about...this system is about "Builders", not destroyers or rock throwers. Honesty, in love, yes. But not a place to lash out in hatred on another or target our own pain on someone else.