Need to hear both sides on this one. Should I tourment the OM?

I feel like tourmenting OM with is own emails. WW and OM in heavy fog. They have no idea that I have the emails. Both maintain it was an EA, email indicates differently. My body and mind tells me differently.

I am aware that the only reason to do this would be purely selfish ones. I would find such delight in jerking the chain every chance I could get.

On the other hand, should I disclose to OM's BS what the deal realy is. Again, it would ruin another marriage but unfortunaltely I would find delight in this.

I know I did not meet WW's EN, I spent 8 weeks in isolation (cancer treatment) before I could return home. What kind of person takes advantage of someone when they do not know if thier spouse is going to make it or not? That's what I would like to ask the OM. OM and OM's S were family friends. They would see me frequently in a day to day battle for months on end.

I know I have too many issues and should sort them out before doing anything. But, tourmenting him is so appealling and tempting, so alluring, exciting, damaging. I can only imagine that some of these feelings must be felt by a WS in the throws of an A.

Let me have it, I need the help.

Hi,

Welcome to MB. I am sorry for your situation. Please read the concepts section above. I have to run off to work and you will get more comments later but you need to take a breather before you actually have any type of 'revenge'. It could backfire. So be careful.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by skewdone:
<strong>What kind of person takes advantage of someone when they do not know if thier spouse is going to make it or not?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Herein lies the answer to your original question, whether you should torment the OM or not.

I am particularly qualifed to offer you advice on this in that the OM in my situation plundered my family after watching my son die of cancer.

What kind of person? Pond scum.

But this also defines whether you should attempt to torment them or not. Answer: No.

Why?

For the same reason, they're pond scum and incapable of understanding logic that is crystal clear to you and me. Any attempt to torment OM will not be heard by him. In fact, he will use your attempt to further convince himself, and your WS, that you are a worthless husband, worthy of being dumped, which will add to their rationalization of why what they're doing is good and necessary.

However, I believe you should spill the beans to OM's BS - not for revenge and not to cause trouble for their marriage, but to reveal the affair to the light of day from the opposite direction. In other words, squealing to OM's BS is actually more likely to end the affair than it is to cause divorce. So "ruining another marriage" should not be your concern. If this ends up tormenting OM, oh well. It will also be a huge LB to your spouse, but this is a calculated LB. The potential benefits outweigh the costs. For more on this, please see the post at this link and read the entire thing to get all the perspectives.
On informing OP's spouse of the affair

Hey Skew,

What do you think about WAT's comments? See you waste all this time and energy on the OM and then what? They are soo slippery, it will slide right off of them. You know what? Some of them are soooo sick, they actually like the attention, even if it is bad attention.

The OW in our case was just like that. She wanted to control me. One of my best defenses was keeping her guessing what I was up to. I left questionable trails all over the place. She claimed she had to keep looking over her shoulder and that's exactly what I wanted her to do. See the tables turned and she didn't even see it coming. Now that's smart. I was able to even get her to LB on the WS without lifting a finger. Now that took some time to learn but it worked.

In our case, the OW tried to bully me, I sent it right back. I had to learn to babble back to the both of them just to keep them on their toes and out of my way. So think about your reasons and know there are much better ways of 'getting even', then you will find even better ways of getting better. ok?

L.

shewdone,

I spent too much time thinking about revenenge when WH had an A in 86-87. At the time, it seemed like the thing to do. What I found out was that it only hurt me. Plus, I had to carry around all that extra weight of revenge. I didn't even know I was carrying it.

Many years afterwards, I did some soul searching and had to dump all the crap (revenge) stuff. This time around, whenever I was temped, I just kept saying that revenge is from the Lord. I feel sooooo much better, more self respect. I agree with WAT. Just tell the OP's BS. Leave the rest alone. It only hurts you in the end.

D.

WAT
You're right. OM is not too swift. He has serious problems from way back and it would not take much push him over. Such an easy thing to do, that's why it's appealling. I'll sit tight on this but the feelings are overwhelming.

I'm still reading and open for advice on Informing OP's spouse. Right now there would be no calculated LB for me, I've taken a big LB.

I'm too old fashion, or unrealistic when it comes to love and relationships.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by skewdone:
<strong>I'm too old fashion, or unrealistic when it comes to love and relationships.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope ... you are what we call a marriage material ... LOL !. Find WAT's post on how to inform OM's spouse, enough material to read.

-rh-