<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:31 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

Baby Blue,
I know exactly how you feel. For the last year+ I have been obsessed with my H's A. Going over the details again and again in my mind. Thinking about it every day.

To give you hope, I have noticed that this fall, about 15 months since the affair ended, I am noticing that the pain is decreasing. I still think about the A every day, but it feels as though it has less power to hurt me. The triggers don't affect me as much, and I no longer cry about the A.

Anti depressants helped me alot. Not just for the sadness, but also for the obsessive thinking.

You are 9 months past Dday. You probably just need more time to process the affair. If your H is not being honest and open with you, or if he is not truly committed to recovery and showing it, healing will take longer, and may never occur.

Communicate to your H about what you need. Give him positive feedback for doing things that help you recover. If you subject him to trying questions, say, honey I know this is hard for you and I so appreciate your effort to calm me by listening to these difficult questions.

I just realized that you had a Dday #2 in November. Is the affair over? You are barely in recovery, if at all. Thus what you are feeling is completely normal. Your husband has not been able to demonstrate consistency over time. That is why you are obsessed.

If you are having trouble sleeping, do consider anti Ds. They can calm you so you don't feel agitated at night.

BB, in addition to whats been said write stuff down that you want to know or what triggers you off. Go back and review them in a couple of days and see if you still want to know. You are very early in to the affair so its going to take time. Best Wishes Neil.

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:31 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:31 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:32 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 04:32 AM: Message edited by: Baby Blue ]</small>

20 days into this and you're worried about obsessing? you're still in shock and it will take quite some time for the reality to set in. until then it's normal to have pictures in your head and questions in your heart. your soul has been raped, and it will take much for it to heal. for one thing total honesty on his part! and no more leaking out details little by little over time, all at once would be best. and gosh, isn't it nice how by dumping all this pain on you, he now feels better? of course you don't feel safe. it sounds like several times he's made false confessions, only to later come out later and admit to further sins. who wouldn't distrust the man if he said grass is green? is there hope? maybe, but it's going to take alot of time and effort on his part to prove that. until then, prepare yourself for many ups and downs.