WS has been fairly consistent in his verbal claims of this although he has not filed.

Any wisdom to share on my H's track record?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Terrified:
<strong>WS has been fairly consistent in his verbal claims of this although he has not filed.

Any wisdom to share on my H's track record?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't try to listen and don't try to take the abuse too. Normal response will be "hmm ..." or "I heard you well and got the picture, don't need to repeat it" then change the subject. It is very normal for WS to "beleive in their fog" by repeating. Kinda "negative" thought that they need to beleive in themself. They pycho themself by repeating verses over and over again until they beleive in it and worse sucked everyone around them into believing it.

-rh-

Hi RH and thanks for replying,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They pycho themself by repeating verses over and over again until they beleive in it and worse sucked everyone around them into believing it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's accomplished all of this very well. It still is very difficult not to react or be affected emotionally especially since it's been so long.

HMMMM...Let's see if we can't come up with atleast ten good comeback to terrifieds broken record...I have been stuck in the house all day with the children so if I come with anything besides ...."Don't touch that christmas tree again ' and who took the baby Jesus out of manger again? !!..it will be a miracle..

All right top things to babble back...

10. You know dear that's funny cause I was just thinking how I never really cared for your mothers meatloaf either...?

9. Have you gotten around to getting those words tattooed on your A-s yet...I would be willing to get you that for Christmas...?

8. ahhh-Ha....

7. Do you think we will have new snow on Christmas...?

6.. Exactly how many Hail Marys did you get for penance in when you confessed to our priest about the other woman...100 or 200 hundred....?

5...Exactly how long does it take one to say 200 Hail Mary's? one or two hours...?

4. Dear, I think we are officially in a rut..how about I come over to your house every morning...or i could swing by your work at lunch and you could tell me then how you don't love me anymore...atleast THAT would be something new..

3. Perhaps you could just e-mail those sentiments next time the urge hits you...getting pretty tired hearing the same old same old from you....especially here in MY home

2. I was thinking about getting Jenna a Rottwieler for christmas...an aquantance at work has a puppy...says they are great with kids...this one doesn't seem to like men to much...but i don't see how that would be a problem at all...(bat eye lashes here..) Do you?

AND ARKs number one suggestion to babble back to WS old I don't love you anymore remark...

1. Oh did you say something dear...I have Barry playing so loud I don't think I heard you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!!!

Terrified..why does he still have so much access to you to hurt you...why...
detach more...
rattle his cage...do not be so available....send him some reality of what he creates...
fill christmas with you and you family and friends and squeeze him in where you can....

peace to you my friend.
ARK

I sort-a like this babble.

"Shall I remain silent so you won't feel so guilty?

Look at his body language ... and ignore his words. Comment only on his body language.

"Does you jaw hurt from all that clenching?"

"Are you tired of making a fist all the time?"

"Cold tea bags help with puffy eyes."

"When you get angry your face gets red. Does that hurt?"

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Good game. If nothing else, Terri, maybe knowing these suggestions will help you keep your composure.

Responses to "I don't love you." Most based on misunderstanding.

1. "Me too, honey."

2. "WHAT, my decongestants haven't kicked in and I can't hear a thing.

3. "Thanks for reminding me."

4. "Oh, hey, I've got something for you to sign."

5. "I can't right now, I've got plans and don't want to have to shower."

6. "I have enough gloves, but it was nice of you to think about it."

7. "Is chocolate chip ok?"

8. "I'm thinking of going on vacation. Do you think Europe would be cold?"

9. "You should think about going to the gym."

10. "Could you check these numbers? I think I won a million $ in the lottery."

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

<strong> ROFLMAO </strong>

Terrified -- Not to make too light of your situation, which I know is hurtful and frustrating, but this thread is cracking me up. Probably because I too heard I don't love you that way anymore or I'm not in love with you almost every time I saw my WH. Now that I'm in plan B, I wish I could have given him some of these responses.

I personally like ark's "broken record" today for her children. When a WS is acting like a child, you need to respond in kind. I think "don't touch the christmas tree" and "did you take baby jesus out of the manger" might be good responses.

My experience with babble comes from work. I work with a lot of politicians (natural breeding grounds for As) and when they want to babble, they are really good at it. So here goes...when you hear for the umpteenth time "I'm not in love with you":

5. I can certainly understand how you would have the impression I don't love you.

4. I cannot commit to that at this time.

3. Do you have the data to back up that statement?

2. I'm afraid I don't have the all the information I need to comment on that.

1. Could you restate the question please?

Hi Terrified .... I think we should give your H the MB award for the worse case of "FOG".

I don't mean to make light of your situation, Terri. I'm sorry your H is still being a class A [censored].

And, I think he's keeps saying the same script to you because, like someone else said, he's trying to convince or remind himself.

I really like Pepper's come-back lines. Cuz I too think your H is askin for high blood pressure probs and other stuff with all his anger and meaness.

Stay strong, Hon.

Love,
Jo

LMAO ... LOR!!!!!!!!

You're Killin ME! Gloves LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Dear T,

U know we love you and want to see you stronger. U have to believe me that this stuff is not only funny but therapuetic.

Ok, my contribution:

"Oooh..... looks like you need to get laid.... what's that OWs #? Why isn't she taking care of your needs? Boy do I have to do everything for U?"

I actually gave a version of this to the WS. It also included wanting to smash their faces together since they wanted to be together sooo much. Now I imagine her with a pug nose and flat boobs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

"Then get out of my house" is the best one I can think of!

or "Well I still love you, but I sure don't LIKE you anymore".

or maybe just start counting -- "ok J - thats 21 times this week, thanks for reminding me"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

He's just so clueless! lol

dear I have something very serious to tell you, ...Santa called and he said you get one lump of coal each time you say such a thing...better move up to the Georgian Bay...cause there ain't enough room in this city for your christmas present from hi.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I love Lor's...
"I can't right now, I've got plans and don't want to have to shower."
makes me laugh each time I read it...reminds me of those old commercials...try this one...

I just washed my hair and I can't do a THING with it...!!

Terrified we are all pulling for you...sending you as much strength and good will as we can...

hope you are well...cause you should be and DESERVE to be well REGARDLESS of his actions...
ARK

Thought of another one!

Doesn't Hallmark make a card expressing that sentiment?

Terri,
You do deserve your H's respect and you don't have to buy into his fantasy world, where she's great and you aren't.

He's just wrong-headed at this point in his scenario.

You've got the same rights to any scenario you want to build...any answers you want to give him.

Look how much love you have on this thread, we think you're great.

Sending you energy...and a boost.

I hate it that it is a painful remark to hear at the time the WS is saying it, but since I have never been one to really listen when someone told me something , over and over and over.... I just looked at him and said, "Hey, I usually understand something the first time it is said to me, so are you just saying words to me to hear yourself breathe and listen to your own voice, cause your really are taking up too much of my precious oxygen, and since I'm blonde, that COULD BE LIFE THREATENING!!!" He usually looks at me like a deer in headlights and walks away.
I almost peed myself reading these posts, it was the highlight of my day because we all hear the same crap, at least from the BS's side we come up with some darn funny original things to come back at them with, don't you think??
I really have to comment on the talent we have here as far as humor, compassion, and the nurturing we have for each other.

Hello everyone and thanks for the comeback lines! I'm going to have carry a cheat sheet with me to handle future exchanges with my H. Did manage to use one last night, "Can you please put that in writing? I don't think you were clear enough. And while you're at it, perhaps you could highlight it in red because well, you know my eyes."

Well, after his three voice mails left today attempting to explain how "it was me that didn't give" and that it was not his intention to pursue someone else but "these things happen"...on, on and on to the third voice mail all after he had threatened only yesterday never to call me, use my # or email me again.

Ark, you crack me up. Sorry but I had to email him your #5&#6 since he is SO religious. Okay, is that vengeful?

Pepper, Okay, I think we should create a "Notable Posts" list of favorite babble-back lines!

Lor, Incredible...

Unsureheart, So you're hearing the same broken record...how long have you been hearing it? It's deafening to the ears?

Jo, I'm not sure that the worst case of FOG is a good thing...I think my question really is...that this is not FOG but reality. He loves the OW and he's not budging.

O, thanks for your contribution, especially the visual!

Lex, Used the counting thing on him last night...about the 5th time I spoke to him.

I can't keep with all of your contributions but know that I welcome them. At least, you got ME laughing! And I do really appreciate your fun loving care and concern.

Neesha, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but since I have never been one to really listen when someone told me something , over and over and over. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's me too!

Thanks again to all!

Terr, glad to hear from you...glad they made you laugh...

look, you're still giving your idea of this perfect love existing between the two of them way to much power...

the guy called you three times today attempting to convince and blame exactly who???
Who exactly is he trying to convince...
Three times while you are professionally at work trying to do your work...and THREE phone calls of sappy poor me bad you....
No OW would be happy about the amount of time and energy he is spending on you...just the energy alone is enough to say all is not quite right with him and her....

Your fears way outway the reality...even the best of relationship in which both partners are free to be together are never perfect...and he comes with baggage...a lot of emotional baggage...and just the fact that he expects perfection from everyone in his universe doesn't bode well for the OW...and he may come to find that you loved him INSPITE of his faults....for a long time....

His relationship with her...
has
1. spent no time in the real world.
2. has yet to encounter the typical occurance of "she" wants to go somewhere...but he can't cause it's his turn to take daughter to dance class...
3. Yet to experience you being the one who gets to call every 20 minutes giving a play by play account of Jenna's first loose tooth...and poor OW wanted to do other things....
4. OW has yet to get the full brunt of hubbys wrath because SHE didn't offer coasters to a guest...(PLEASE PLEASE keep all coasters away from him)
5 They as a couple have yet to experience the hospitality of real friends...because he surely will lose those in his life who hold values dear...
6. Has yet to file let alone appeal to the Pope for an ANNULLMENT...

This fantasy of yours has a hold on you...what if you were to imagine them differently...what if you were to entertain thoughts that all is not so hunky dorey between the two of them..
What if you were to let go little by little of even caring what they have between them..it is not reality....
He's still here with you..trying to convince you to convince him all is good and OK...don't buy it....

Can you detach a little more and get him out of your day to day stuff sooo much....cause I don't think it pushes the two of them together...I think he sits and stews....and then ofcourse escalates to get attention,..so be it....
can you do it...
ARK

Hi T.
Thinking of you at this time of year!
But if you can get out and enjoy yourself do it, glam up hit the town and swing it!
(ps I am English, a Londoner cockney rhyme and slang!= bad english + new MB member)
Orchids idea of getting laid...sounds good...but you should do it for the right reasons with the right person.
If you can be strong and feel indenpdant, one day in the future and your WS is still an [censored], tell him to walk!
My wife started seeing another man earlier this year, she nearly wanted to get to know him better. Fortunately she came and told me and we are working at our relationship every day.She says she never slept with him, and I trust that to be true.He was an old school friend of 20+ years back and they once had a thing going then.Unfortunately for me he came along and they had things in common. Strange as it sounds they still meet for lunch occasionaly, I dont like this much.My wife has never formally said it was him, but I have cast iron proof it was . We have done the counselling and I my own. I was to blame in my wife wanting to search for love else where, but it does take two in any relationship. No one person is at fault.
Saying you love someone during a marriage crisis is hard, my wife still hasn't for months.She has told me that she has no love for me in the past She has sent me a Xmas card saying "With all my love at Xmas" plus she has just put her engagement ring back on, months off too!....maybe we are reaching a plateau? I say I love her, sometimes too much for her.
Do you have hope in your relationship?, you must be the optomistic one! If WS one day says he does have feelings for you, you must be sure and not react by letting your defense down.If the road to recovery starts it is a long one. Do what is right for you and those you truly love,don't kid yourself. If you can hit back at WS with some of his own medicine use quality stuff!! xx Smudger ================================================== Smudger age 41 married 6 years, 2 daughters, WS, in recovery, anti depressant drugs, feeling ok today, still want to take it out on OM he is a S~#T (natural feeling)

Terrified! Ask him what he intends to do about it. Tell him if he doesn't love you anymore, that you need to get on with your life and have someone that does love you. As you deserve to be loved.
Would telling him you've decided to start dating help? That since he's taken up with OW, basically the divorce has already taken place according to the bible and God. It's just this stinking old mans law that keeps us tied on paper. Tell him you do love him, but you need someone in your life that appreciates what a loving, warm woman you are. That will reciprocate your love. My Ws and I argue a lot. he's told me he didn't love me like he loves other woman, but that was a year ago. Then he says or screams he's getting a divorce. Then he will not file. Then he says he couldnt' care less about the OW and it's me he loves. LOL So confuring.But not funny. They have no contact since last year. Fortunately she lives states away from us. But the on again, off again is terrible. Even told me during an argument two days age he should never have married me. Last night apologize and said didn't mean it. We're trying to work our marriage out, but the only way he wants it is for me to return to the sweet loving person I used to be and forget the past. Never bring it up.That's his words. I know they try guilt transferrence and it sounds like your H is trying to convince himself he is justified. But there is no justification for adultery! One should file divorce first if they're unhappy then go find somebody new! When I have said I'm going to go out and meet someone, whoa! he boils over. LOL I am not the type to jump in bed with anyone. But my comments were just to meet somebody nice and possible his replacement for the divorce so I have somebody in my life to help me heal over it. LOL LouLou