Committedandlovingit,
You really hit on the main points of the show, way to go. I agree with you that Dr. Phil's no nonsense approach really wouldn't click with Dr. Harley's principles all that well.
Also, why would you invite your competition onto your show? I doubt he'd ever have another psychologist on his show, but I could be wrong.
As I did the last time Dr. Phil had a show on about infidelity, I took some notes. I found today's show quite informative and thought provoking. Here are some quotes I wrote down:
"I understand the gravity of what I did and I want to fix it."
"I'm not gonna sweep it under the rug."
"You work on it until you get it fixed."
"You have the right to feel the way you feel."
"You need to make a decision - you're going to work to get over this, or get out of it - don't live in limbo the rest of your life."
"If there was nothing improper going on, why did you hide it?"
"Would I have done this if he/she had been there watching?"
"You can't fix what you don't acknowledge."
"If you knew then what you knew now, would you have done this marriage?"
"Don't invest more than you can afford to lose."
"This relationship is doomed if you don't get honest and straightforward."
"If you don't want in it, get out, but don't keep the other person in limbo."
"The only thing worse than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you for however long (eg. 2 years), it's someone who doesn't want to be with you after 2 years and 1 day."
"The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour." (He says this every show, doesn't he??)
"You have to work one day at a time to rebuild trust and you need to decide whether you'll be willing for that to take place or not."
"If you're never gonna trust him, he's dead in the water, tell him so and move on."
"Let's stop now OR let's start over (don't stay in it if your heart's not in it)."
"When someone has been betrayed, a necessary condiition is to know you've been heard, and that he gets what he did and is aware of the pain he's caused you."
"You either talk about this, or the marriage is over."
You have a right to say, "You're gonna treat me with dignity and respect or you're not gonna treat me at all." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
"You gotta stand up for yourself, you gotta get some backbone."
"You gotta WORK through this stuff."
"If this is a life sentence, if you're the kind of person who'll never be able to forgive, then turn 'em loose, end it." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
"You get one trip through this world, and I'll be damned if I'll spend it miserable."
"Don't stuff it down and pretend it doesn't bother you, really work through it."
"You get what you ask for in life. If you ask for nothing, you get nothing." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
"You have to work on this TOGETHER."
And his finaly two statements were:
1) "If you're the one that runs it into the ditch, you're the one that must get it back up on the road." (But he also said you have to work on it together.....????)
2) People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
The quotes with little "eek" icons are the ones that I think I need to carefully consider in my own relationship. I need my H to decide what he wants already and not leave me in limbo (but I know I should try to be patient, but after 6 months...shouldn't he have some clue what he wants?), and I need to demand that he treat me with respect and dignity, not like some dirty little secret girlfriend (as he's treating me right now).
Well, I hope my selective "transcript" was of use to some!
Jen
