I watched the Soprano's last night in total shock! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sg and I watched the show together. He sat there like ho-hum. But for me, I could not look away. It was the first glimpse for me of what d-day must have been like.

It was a year ago this week (I think) that I sent him wife a letter. "The Letter."

He told me later that it was no big deal and that she didn't really care. Then when I called her later on to tell her that he had come back to me she freaked (on him not me).

It's just interesting and enlightening to see glimpses from the other side of d-day.

I wonder, do you guys this that Carmella's portrayal was realistic.

I watched it too and can't believe I didn't burst into tears.

Carmella's portrayal was soooo right on. She clutched her stomach which is EXACTLY what I did.

It was real.

What's so crazy is that I said to him (after she got the letter) "I can't imagine that she didn't care." My letter basically confirmed that he's been cheating since they got married.

He looked me dead in the eye and said "nope, she really didn't care. She was a little pissed, but she let it go."

It's interesting to me how much "this thing of ours" (how's that for yous Sopranos fans?) -- infidelity, that is -- is depicted in movies and TV. I really didn't pay much attention until it touched my life (okay ... punched me in the face), but it seems like everything I watch lately has some kind of storyline about some cheatin' spouse.

Yes, Whippit you're right. Some things I notice and some things I don't.

The other night we were watching Forrest Gump and that really affected my WH. I couldn't really see the connection to our sitch.

I love Friends and we were watching the rerun where they were "on a break". That channel got switched immediately!

However, Soprano's was totally in connection with me and my sitch. WH wasn't there. I don't think he would've liked it though.

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: dazedblonde ]</small>

I guess it's like when you're pregnant. Suddenly you notice millions of other fat bellies.

What happened in Forest Gump? Trying to remember but all I'm drawing are blanks.

I think Carmella's portrayal was quite realistic as a woman who has had enough and is fed up with the crap sandwich she's been fed all these years. It wasn't her first D-day however, she knew about many of his As. but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
When the OW called me and told me everything (WH had literally just broken up with her and was on his way to move back home) I was initially numb. I had suspected of course, but had chosen not to get confirmation. But after the numbness passed I just sobbed until I threw up (a lot).
When my husband moved out he told the OW that I "didnt' care" and was "glad he was gone". I wish I would have been as composed as Carmella, not even close. I was paralyzed with grief and shock. When he walked out the door I was literally curled up in a fetal position on the floor, howling like a wounded animal. NOT a pretty sight.Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. My best friend stayed with me for the first 48 hours because she was afraid I'd kill myself. She was a Godsend too because I don't know what I would have done.

Ditto what FairyDust has said .... that was me too. I was in that condition for days. After that I paced and paced for God knows how many days.

I'm watching the Soprano's right now, and it's quite painful to see Carmella.

Jo

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Katie,

That's so horrible that MM even lied about his wife's reaction on D-Day to you. What a schmuck!!!

He didn't want you to think it was important to his wife, that way all the lies he had told you about her, like she was the wicked witch and didn't love him, you would think were true.

At least that's my spin on it.

Best,
Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>Katie,

That's so horrible that MM even lied about his wife's reaction on D-Day to you. What a schmuck!!!

He didn't want you to think it was important to his wife, that way all the lies he had told you about her, like she was the wicked witch and didn't love him, you would think were true.

At least that's my spin on it.

Best,
Jo</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that's one of the main reasons my H lied. But it also made things easier for him. If she believed that I "didnt' care" and was "glad he was gone" then that also meant that I didn't want him back. He was hoping that would make her feel less threatened and take more heat off of him. He figured he wouldn't have to hear her whine about him possibly going back to me if she thought I wouldn't take him back anyway. Plus if she thought that I wasn't intersted in him anyway then she wouldn't question him as much about where he disappeared to during his unaccounted for free time.
She didn't use common sense though. If I really hadn't cared there would have been no reason for them to have to keep the relationship a complete secret. Maybe she just didn't notice that her "live in boyfriend" didn't get mail or phone calls at her place, never introduced her to any of his friends, would only go afew certain places with her in public and never told a soul that he was even separated lol.

<small>[ December 09, 2002, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: fairydust ]</small>

I agree that the reaction from Carmella was so accurate. I thought, at first, that it would be too intense for me but was suprised that I didn't cry. My H never said a word. I guess that's what two and half years in recovery has done for us.
Tony's reaction was predictable. He's such a pig that he wouldn't let Carm see any type of honest feeling from him. I think that's true for a majority of people who get confronted. They just put the defense shield up and shut down.
I thought it was the best scene from the whole season.

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 07:44 AM: Message edited by: cleopatra ]</small>

Looking back it's so funny to think that I looked to him for reaction from her.

All of those nights that he came home late or didn't show up at all. Major holidays that he was with me or dropped by my house with the kids. Nothing. He made it like she didn't care and that things at home were peachy. We knew pretty early on that she suspected but it didn't change our behavior one iota.

I honestly thought that she knew and didn't care.

It was only then I phoned her direct did I see a reaction from him. Boy was he pissed. I told him "I thought she didn't care."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Katie Scarlett:
Looking back it's so funny to think that I looked to him for reaction from her.

All of those nights that he came home late or didn't show up at all. Major holidays that he was with me or dropped by my house with the kids. Nothing. He made it like she didn't care and that things at home were peachy. We knew pretty early on that she suspected but it didn't change our behavior one iota.

I honestly thought that she knew and didn't care.

It was only then I phoned her direct did I see a reaction from him. Boy was he pissed. I told him "I thought she didn't care."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess the WS can certainly wheel both sides with his lies. What a juggling act they have to do to keep things nice for themselves. Total TAKER, and, oh so very selfish. Protecting HIS interest on both sides of the fence. Remembering the saying "if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you" ... Dr. Phil is right on the money.

So, Katie. In looking back on any other things he had said about his wife, do you question his credability?

Jo

Honestly, this much time later he has zero credibility with me.

I honestly can't think of a thing he said that was the truth. Maybe some of it was truth. Who knows. I don't even go there in my head anymore.

We are both in AA. I'm sober going on 6 years. He's sober less than a year. This summer he showed up at my door supposedly to make his 9th step ammends. That's the part where you go and apologize to all of the people that you have harmed.

So i'm sitting there listing to him talk. At first it seems legit. Then it just fell rapidly into total nonsence.

Here's an example

mm- I really own you an apology. I was wrong. I lied, I disappointed you and i'm sorry.
me - of course I forgive you
mm - I knew you would. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Can I have a hug.
me - Uh, ok
mm - be careful, I just had a vascetomy. My penis is sore. You know I can't have sex for another 10 days.
me - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> TMI honey. TMI
mm - yeah the wife is pissed about it, but I had to take charge. CAn I just hold you for a second.

EVERYTHING with this guy is a manipulation. Thank God in the time that we were apart I did a ton of work on myself. Otherwise I would have initially been pissed and then fallen back into the old pattern.

This time I was disgusted and revolted by him actions and I told him so.

OMG! He is a manipulator ... how transparent was that convo .... jeeeezUS.

You have done really good and should be proud of yourself, Katie. I know I am.

Lv,
Jo