I decided to post here as I'm told this gets more traffic. A little of my story is here http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=30;t=001554

I'm in a plan B now. Second time. I don't know that its really a plan B as I don't know if I think its worth waiting for her to end the affair. Maybe my LB has gone negative. Maybe I'm realizing its time to get strong. Maybe I'm giving up to early.

Anyway, we have to get together tonight. Its time to put one of my (our) dogs down. I guess I'm not sure how I want to handle it. She, as far as I know, has been living with the OM since I told her to leave last Friday. I've made it clear to her I don't want to talk to her as long as there is a OM. There has been an OM for ten months now and I'm sick of it.

She has been affected by being out of home. She sent an email saying she didn't deserve me. Left a message were she actually said "i love you". Sounds good right? But I've been reading too much into things I've heard like that all along.

If she were to (magically:) tell me that she had given up on OM, or told me she really wanted to try and save our M, that would be one thing. I guess I'm just sick of the thought of waiting for the A to burn out. And even if it does, I'm sick of the thought of the withdrawal phase. I can't remember if I wrote this in the other post, but it amazes me how my mind has switched from try at all costs while she was in the house, to let it go, she's not worth the pain (the last year version of her at least).

On top of all that, our other dog is just about as old and she probably won't be too far behind. Thats been one of the toughest things about the whole A. Our M, and the dogs have been basically my (our) whole adult life. And they all are ending at the same time. Talk about having to start over:(.
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Me BS, her WW, both late 30's
No kids (but 2 dogs)
M 13, together 5 before that.
Dday #1 - 3/02

Sand,

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Putting the dog down even when it's the right thing to do is excrutiating painful.

My thought is this. Since she seems confused/fogged; it's tough to guess what her thoughts/actions will be this evening. At the least you can offer her "protection" in the MB sense that you protect her from love busters.

The rest I think depends on her actions. Let us know how you're doing. Blessings, CSue

SandB my condolences for the loss of your beloved pet. What a stark contrast a dog's faithfulness with that of a human's (we could learn a lot from them).

As far as your WW is concerned, I would not beleive anything coming out of her mouth. I do not say this with any ill will towards her but as a statement of fact that you can not trust somebody whose actions have been the total opposite of her words. 'ACTIONS speak louder than words' is so relevant in the case of dealing with an unfaithful spouse, because it will be her actions that will tell you everything as far as whether or not she wants to rebuild the M.

Since you are in plan B, try to limit any discussions to the issues regarding your pets, and nothing else.

Thanks for your condolences CSue and TMCM. It helps to hear that people care. I'm sure I'll be wanting to write more tonight or tomorrow.

(((((sandb))))))

i'm sorry about your pet. I know the loss of a pet can be very devestating, and talk about on top of everything else. OUCH. Just a question. Did she ever give you any indication of why the A.??? People are nuts sometimes.

Dear SandB,

I'm so sory about your doggie. I am a heavy duty animal lover and have lost a couple of non-human family members. It hurts just the same, sometimes maybe worse.

Although things are extra hard for you right now, please know you are in my prayers.

Love,
Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What a stark contrast a dog's faithfulness with that of a human's (we could learn a lot from them). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen to that!

SandB,

Losing a pet is rough.

Take this time to show your W that you still love her and that it is safe for her to return without actually discussing it.

I would go right back into Plan B after that.

That was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. Having to put my dog in the car was probably the toughest. We met at the vet. I was pretty choked up. She didn't seem to be at all. Until the actual time. Then we both broke up.

I'm not a spiritual guy. At times like these, I wish I was. Hopefully my dog is in a happier place, chasing squirrels, tennis balls and eating treats. Goodbye S.

{{{{{{{{{SandB <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> }}}}}}}
I was so sad to read your posts...I am sitting here crying knowing that one day, my two girls will be headed the same way...I'll give them some extra loving tonight in memory of yours.

Brit's Brat/BS-41
FWH-43
DS-13 months
The puplets - 2 and 4 years
Status: One Day At A Time