<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> [I]I read your response, this site has so much on it, that I can't even remember where I posted the first one. I know that I said alot, and maybe I didn't word my thoughts on writing like I wanted it too. But, I meant every word that I said. Yes, the H doesn't want to separate, nor divorce..and surely doesn't want me to be with anyone else. The jerk. Seems to me that I'm not the confused person, he is. He just brought alot of confusion in the home. (Stupid)... Yes, we have had counseling that's why from the 1st AF I thought he would have learned something from it. But, lo and behold something caught his attention again, Oh let me say he likes alot of attention, something to build his ego in which he himself tore down. I am at the point now, where I use to feel sorry for him but not anymore. There is no excuse for what he done. He wouldn't have wanted me to do the cheating on him, so while he was out there lying, cheating and still wanting to be a H to me he didn't think again about the consequences behind his actions. I blame myself because I thought something was lacking in me that I wasn't giving him but I no longer believe that. I am a wholesome women, I don't drink, smoke, bar hopper, I take pride in myself. Because of him doing this the 1st time I put myself down and it took me awhile to pick myself up. I'm not going down a 2nd time, not because of his weakness. I like myself.... I'm not saying that I'm perfect just growing up. I don't mistreat him, I just don't love him the same like I did. Maybe you all were right yes he hurt me very bad, and it hurt to this day. Knowing he couldn't commit nor love me the way that a H should, and I don't believe that he ever can, not saying that he never will. But, I just think that he put to much of himself with the OW by the both of them falling so deeply in love with each other. His actions spoke louder when I had a serious surgery while in hospital and recuperating he was still seeing the OW. I don't have to remind him of his mistake he knows it and he always telling me he is sorry. Wishes he never did it. But, I feel it's a little to late seeing that he fell once again. I am reading the Plan A and B but deep inside me I guess I can't get past the lying, and how he wrote the person saying that it was hard living to lives his body is here with me but his mind and heart is where she is. plus alot more. Now, those are the things that hurt me, yet he stills says he never had sex just heaving petting in their secret place. Like I said we have never fought, we have argued but, we would come back and tell each other we were sorry. The thing about it is everyone else knew about him and the OW except me. Remember they both worked at the same job. I find out, and was leaving him, he stops the A tells the OW I'm leaving him, she cries and tells him that he used her. Anyway, I've been holding this stuff inside me, We never stop talking the H and I, and I'm still with him. I just don't trust him, nor respect him for what he's done. I just don't understand how he could do this, bring turmoil in my life, and children and expect that the M be just like it was. I'm still having those thoughts that he doesn't deserve a good women, but be with the women that he fell so deeply in love with that also was a cheater...by the way she was M also. Well, I think I've wrote too much but am glad that I can talk with others. Thanks
