Frustrated and tired b/c everyone I know practically is mad at ws- friends, family, etc.- and even mbers, etc. Not to say I don't appreciate people knowing I am being treated WRONG...

Just I still love him and need support to make it work, to make it through the storm.

Third counseling session made some progress yesterday , but ws still angry at ME.. and went on to attack me for quite a bit of session.

Counselor ended session saying we should spend some time together and give each other grace and room for forgiveness...

I am trying...

Thanks for opinions, ideas, etc.

H

Honey - OK - don't worry I am not going to fight with you - ok - I know you love your husband and you are going to see it through until the end which is very admirable... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But why is he mad at you??? What have you done?? Except to love him?? Try to make him grow up and take responsiblity?? I mean that is childish - that is the part that cracks me up about WS - I mean we give them everything and in return we get nothing but blame and more crap??? Has he seen any of your friends or any of your family??? I mean I know my exhusband - totally avoids everyone - basically because of the shame that he feels... What does your husband want you to do ??? What is going to make him change his feelings and make this marriage work?? Did the couselor ask him that????

Honey, sometimes what angers a WS if he has other issues is he has resentment for the BS. He loses respect for the BS's love, in that anyone else would distance themselves from such a toxic situation. I know it does not seem logical, but that is what happens subconsciously in someone. Sometimes the only thing they know how to do and they are not conscious of it at the time, is hurt and be angry at the closest person to them, it's the only way they know how to feel the disgust about themselves. It's like this, they will hurt and destroy the closest thing to them, because they think it will finally destroy their self which they have not been able to do. Sometimes the best thing one can do for these self sabatoging people is distance themselves so they can have their own awakenings. They have to do it within themselves and if they have someone willing to be their right by their side, they will not do anything they need to do for themselves, they will continue with the same patterns they have allowed themselves to do. But, unfortunately, YOU of if their are children involved, might be destroyed in the process. I hope you understand some of what I am saying. Best lof luck and take care. Your WS will not forgive Himself, that is why he's angry and you will be the recipient of it.

That is the reason I DID NOT tell anyone about this in the beginning. However, as I selectively shared information with family and friends... I believe the whole "light of day" theory is true and relevant and worked in my benefit.

That being said....it is YOU that the family gets to support. And if you are choosing to make your marriage work, they should honor that. NO ONE knows what this is like unless they have experienced it and then it is subject to whatever stage they are in and the individual.

I would be forthright with your family and friends by letting them know that you would appreciate their support for your choices.

Good luck!

Thanks, the not paying child support, or admitting to the amount of money HE makes, and that he lies... is a big issue... most of my family do not understand his drinking issues or forgive, and he is still not facing them either.... ugh!

Thanks for being here, here's hoping a major awakening might occur within a man who I used to love dearly, - I still love him... but who he is now, is not who he was and I see that clearly.

Thanks for being here, L <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

((((((((((((((((((((HONEY)))))))))))))))))))))

Most don't know what is like to love an alcoholic.

D.

Maw, Neesha, OnlyUCan and WillGetThruTHis,

Thanks. Tired I am. Very tired, and in need of child support. WS seems to be avoiding this issue this month now that he knows I filed for it. Where is the money?

I know he is getting unemploy., so where is my percent of that? Nowhere it is, ...

Frustrated with this issue.

Thanks for being here,

H

Hey Sweetie!

Just checkin' in on your world. I think you really need a hug... {{{{{{{{{{{{ HONEY }}}}}}}}}}}} and some cash from WH!! I'm sorry this is a rough time, I think the holidays do that to us all. Remember, you are strong and you WILL get through this!

Love ya Babe!
PQ

Honey -

I will tell you what you already know.

You can not control your H or what the others think about him. You can not control his anger and finally - you can not control his feeling for you. Heal yourself, be independent with boundaries, and protect your chldren. Let him see that you are moving on with or without him. It is his choice to be there or not be there. It is also his choice to pay or not pay CS. The consequences for his actions are not your fault, but the anger will be directed towards you. Just remember your husband is sick. An illness that only he can fix.

Stay the course...the distancing has begun.

Gib

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: Gibby1 ]</small>

Good news! He might be getting a job... guess he can't live on unemploy, minus 25% child support.... and I think his unemploy is about to run out anyway... PRAY I will get the back child support... he doesn't want to be a deadbeat dad, so he says! He sd this in counseling... problem is you have to work and care about your family not to be..... at least the kids.

Thanks for being here, here's to him maybe being ACTUALLY EMPLOYED!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> A little sarcastic am I? Thanks for letting me vent.

Thanks PQ and Gibby- it is very hard to understand WHY he would or even could do this????

Was it because I was paying the bills and not filing... for fear of making him mad?????? Well filing for child support sure did make him willing to get a JOB... WOW! Pray he means it, I know it is hard to make 1/5 of what you used to, but hey, it is better than sitting at home collecting unemploy and just getting stoned...... UGH.

Thanks- Honey

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: Honey ]</small>