Ws moved out after he was asked to because of his unstable behavior. He has not come back to get alot of things, which I could care less. He did get quite upset about locks being changed,(oh how sad for him). Also blames me for his depression and stress, uh-huh, yea.

Since he moved out he does not check in even for mail that might need his attention, does not even email. I emailed him a couple of times to be polite but received no answer so I have even stopped that. Have you other BS's experienced your WS's not even picking up important mail from home? I know he has another mailing address so why not get it sent there? Also he does not have a clue I know where his new place is, and also I have his new "unlisted number", but I will not call him nor go to his new place.
I'm confused though, as to why he would keep having his mail delivered here?

He has made it clear that he has no intentions of being civil anytime soon, or ever in fact. He does not have any moments of clarity now that he has moved out, to even email to ask if he received anything of importance. Is this normal "foggitis"? Am I handling this correctly now by not trying to be civil by emailing him? I think I am, but I could be wrong. Let me know your thoughts.

It sounds like you are handlign it just fine. How long has he been gone? My FWH did move out for about 6 months. He moved right in with the OW, but lied to me the entire time about where he was and his living arrangements. He never told anyone we were separated so he never changed his address and he even continued to get phone calls here. When he first moved out it was about 3 weeks until he came over to get his mail. The only belongings he took were clothes, and it wasn't all of his clothes. Basically what he could carry in a trash bag. Kind of seemed fitting to be living out of a trash bag considered what he was doing and who he was doing it with lol.

IMO you're doing the right thing by emailing him with regards to the mail. Maybe I'm too soft but I've always favored being considerate whenever possible as long as you don't compromise your values/beliefs. When my WW moved out, she would come by to pick up her mail every once in a while and sometimes I collected pieces and sent them to her apartment.

As to why he hasn't had it forwarded, it could be any number of things (indifference, fog, doesn't want to cut ties, etc.) Take care of yourself and good luck with all of this!

Bumping

I'm actually the FWS that moved out, at my H's request. HE changed the locks, and HE refused to speak to me on the phone or reply to my emails, and rarely forwarded my mail to me. Of course, all that behaviour was because of how angry he was with me and perhaps also part of his desire to punish me.

Even though we are now in conact again, I am still "not allowed" to contact him. I would love to go to our house (we both own it), I would love to phone him and talk to him, I would love to send him an email and get a reply. BUT, he wants to have full and complete control over the contact (he can contact me, I am not supposed to contact him). He says I'm lucky to have any contact at all at this point.

So that's my story as a FWS who moved out. I don't have much advice to give regarding your spouse's lack of concern re mail and phone calls, but I'd agree with the other poster who said continue to be as kind and as decent about it all as you feel comfortable being. It's all part of treating others as we'd like to be treated. No matter how angry, impolite, even mean my H is, I try to show him unconditional kindness and love, hoping it will someday seep through the wall of anger that he has allowed to surround him.

Jen

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>