I have a really good friend who lives in Chicago. We haven't seen one another in a long time, but speak on the phone frequently.

He's carried a torch for me for many years, but understands that I find him geographically undesirable.

The thing is i'm going to Chicago for Christmas. This guy knows about my relationship with SG and has been a big cheerleader for me in this relationship.

So here's the wrinkle - this man knows that I have a serious weakness for a particular sexual act. A sexual act that SG is hesitant to preform. He has offered (ok insisted) that he preform this sexual act while i'm in town. SG is not traveling with me for the holidays.

I have always cheated in my relationships but have managed to not cheat this time around. In this moment the temptation feels too big to resist. Thank God I have 2 weeks to sort this one out in my head. I was so enticed and aroused by the conversation with this guy. I'm sitting here thinking - there's no way I can not drop in on him.

Help - i'm weak!

KS,

You may begin to appreciate why Harley says that opposite sex friends are not good for relationships. Frankly, if all it takes for you to cheat and possibly loss SG is a single sex act, then perhaps you should consider ending your relationship with SG.

Other things appear to be far more important to you than he is. Temptation is not an excuse to do things you KNOW to be wrong.

So KS, where do your priorities lie? Where is your sense of right and wrong? What is it telling you?

None of us can save you from doing something wrong. We can simply point out that your value system and hence your ability to correctly assess situations is flawed. You need to address this.

God Bless,

JL

Could I ask...If you are in a relationship (a committed relationship?), why were you even HAVING this conversation with this guy?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Besides being weak, I'd also say that you are a major SLUT! Have some self-respect for crying-out-loud. If not that, then have some respect for your SG (whatever SG means; man I hate all these acronyms). You mentioned thanking diety for having 2 weeks to sort this out - God is what you need in your life that is for sure!

We are aware of this post and the members follow up posts. Please, no need to report again.

Magnolia

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

Oh KS come on!! You know the pain the upset, you know you are beyond this. If you love SG, tell him want you want, tell him it's important.

If not, give up SG and get your satisfaction in Chicargo.

Lisa

So to make sure I understand the Harley plan I should

#1- not have male friends
#2- understand that I am considered a slut for asking a question about what is a troubeling situaiton for me.

how typically christian.

N-E way.

JL-
I have long valued your opinion. You said a lot but offered no insight at all. If I could asses this situation clearly I would not be on here at all! How would you look at this situation? Seriously!

You aren't married, the Chicago guy isn't married, is this right?

But SG (Single Guy, I'm assuming) is important to you, and you are committed to him despite the fact that he won't do a certain sexual act that is so important to you that you'd toss him aside for some geographically unavailable guy for a shot at this sexual act. Is that right?

How committed are you to SG?

It's so interesting to me the way it's assumed that i'm some how "past" all of this. When clearly i'm not. I struggle with temptation all the time. I honestly don't understand why this guy is suddenly different for me. For a very long time he's just been a friend.

Lisa-
What I want? If only I knew. Satisfaction is NOT in Chicago. A quicky is. It's not intercourse.

This is what I know. I've spent my life measuring situations by the ruler of "can I get away with it." On this one clearly I can. I'm trying to find a different measure and i'm posting here asking for help.

Who says i'm tossing SG aside!? I have no intension of tossing him aside.

Okay, so all of you are single, you are committed to SG, or not so committed?

Is this a secret quickie, or are you going to tell SG?

Finally, I'm dying to know what is SO SPECIAL that you'd be putting your relationship with SG on the line. Don't tell me, we'll get in trouble, but sheesh, I can't imagine. Is it anything you can TEACH SG?

Ok, sorry for calling you a slut (a little bit sorry but not too much). But that is the impression of you I get when you say that you have always cheated with past relationships and that you are seriouly considering cheating with this one. Just the way you said, "There is no way I cannot drop in on him", tells me that your sexual desires and personal gratification mean a lot more to you than your SG does. This has nothing to do with a Christian attitude. A person can have integrity and moral values without being a Christian.

If this situation is so troubling for you then maybe you shouldn't sound so caviler about droping in on an old boy friend for casual sex. If your SG isn't satisying you then that is another story and deserves your attention; but doesn't mean you are free to seek it elsewhere.

As I said before: get some self-respect.

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: Susan's Man ]</small>

well i will say it, DON"T DO IT BECAUSE IT IS WRONG and a horrible Christmas Surprise for your SG. If you are commited to him , then you are. Its all or none and as much as you want us to tell you what to do, you are the only one that will be there when temptation arrives in Chicago. No one here can give you the intestinal fortitude to do what is right, you have to find it yourself and good luck.

KS,
A different measure... how about "Do unto others as you would have have done unto you" (The Golden Rule... not a Christian saying)

Would you want SG to do this to you?

Faith1

The part I called christian was the name calling self righteousness. Typical.

Point of information-
He's not a boyfriend. He's just a friend.

The point is that I came here seeking information and what I get is self righteous name calling. Like I said, if I could see this situaion clearly I would not be logging on here.

You say "get some self respect". There's so much pratical information there. I have self respect, and I know what I can get away with.

I love SG and honestly don't think that this move would cause him to leave. Frankly we cheaters usually choose wisely. Given my history why in the world would I choose a man who would leave. I'm not that stupid. He's a "work it out" kind of guy.

Maybe this issue pushes too many buttons for me to get any pratical help here.

I'm honestly seeking information. I guess this is not the place to get it.

Never mind.

Thank you faith and euphoria.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe this issue pushes too many buttons for me to get any pratical help here.

I'm honestly seeking information. I guess this is not the place to get it.

Never mind. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course you're pushing buttons. But you should expect that on this forum, hun.... with all the pain of infidelity here. Please don't give up though. I think you can get practical advice here. Your thread hasn't even been up here an hour yet. Take what you like, and ignore what you don't like, k?

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Katie Scarlett:
<strong>I'm honestly seeking information. I guess this is not the place to get it.

Never mind.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, I didn't name call or anything like that. I asked questions for clarification, and you got defensive.

I even asked if you could teach SG the 'move' that excites you so much that you have this tempation to begin with...

Sorry KS, there are people here who are trying to be understanding. I was one of them.

well if he (sg)is just a 'freind' then you two aren't exclusive.Although I guess its hard for me to understand how people can just be freinds and be in a sexual relationship <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't know you and your situation, but I do think its sad that you pick saps( for lack of a better term) for partners because you know they will forgive you. To me that means you don;t think highly of yourself

Once a cheat is not always a cheat!Give yourself some credit, reach around and find that backbone, you have one and YOU know what it is, the right thing to do. The cheating it has to stop sometime right?Why not NOW?

Is there anyone that you can have in Chicago that will be accountable with you? That will not let you out of thier sight so that you have no chance of seeing this 'freind'? ( not really a freind in my book if he is willing to enchorage you here when youare in a R( I think you are? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ) )

For further clairification the guy in Chicago (well call him eric) is a friend and not an old boyfriend. Sg (well call him sam) and I are in a committed relationship.

I trust myself to do the "right thing" once I sort this out in my head. I don't need a babysitter in Chicago. I need a new way to look at this situation. Frankly i'm sitting here thinking "I can get away with it - why not."

But that's what i've always done. Get away with it.

I didn't choose Sam based solely on the idea that I could "get away with it" but because he loves me unconditionally. Warts and all. I'm honest with him that "other people" are one of my issues. We have become best friends and we talk about it frequently.

The sexual act that I like Sam can learn. The temptation to be a "bad girl" is extraordinarly appealing to me. For 15 months i'm been a different kind of partner and i'm proud of that fact. I just find myself blind sided by this level of temptation from Eric.

Being a "good girl" is new to me. Living on the "dark side" is what I know.

edited to eliminate confusion (if that's possible)

<small>[ December 10, 2002, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</small>

Hey KatieScarlett...

Don't think about SG and how HE would feel if he found out...

Think about YOU... think about how much YOU have grown...

is this REALLY YOU... Is this REALLY what YOU want? to go BACKWARDS?

"Fidelity is a promise better made to yourself than your mate."

You can sugarcoat it all you want. You can push away the 'Christian' ethic... but what it really boils down to is "WHO DOES KATIESCARLETT WANT TO BE?"

And, in keeping with staying away from the "God" thing...

In the end, to whom is it that YOU really have to answer?

Cali