Honestly, KS that is real thought provoker. The man has always needed a mother (in my opinion). He loves to be babied. Does that equal = taker? Maybe I have always been too much of a giver.... Hmmmm.... now I am really thinking. Give and take like we're 20. Oh, I miss the twenties....but would not want to go back there.

To Fooltoolong:
If you only spent 15 minutes on this thread you didn't read it ALL. KS has come to terms with the original topic - I think? and this has sort of evolved into another discussion or two. It's very interesting - why don't you skip to page 4 or 5?
DB

Dazed, not like you're both 20. Like you're grown and he's 20.

Like as in how would you parent grown children.

Look, who am I to give advice. It's free so take it for what it's worth.

Maybe we're set up differently becasue in my relationship i'm the spoiled one and he's the giver. I ALWAYS say what I need. Sometimes I have trouble figuring out what that is, but as soon as I know I let him know.

I let him do what he wants, but he's delusional if he thinks he can disrespect me and i'm going to say "ok honey" in the name of keeping him happy.

By the grace of God I have a partner who makes it his business not to hurt my feelings. I try hard to do the same.

I have read the whole post thank you! I don't understand this holy attitude from some of you. I just don't understand. People are here to get help not to fight about what beliefs are right and wrong. I find it very childish and maybe I shouldn't be here because I am looking for support not to be scared that somone is going to criticise me. believe me I have had enough of that from my H, I am trying to heal and some of you are just, mean. I am not here to have salt poured into my wound.

Fooltoolong-

I understand that there are those who feel like slapping you with their own morality is the best way to impart wisdom. There are others who are willing to meet you where you are. On here you kind of have to learn to take the good with the bad.

The day this thread began I was in a really bad place. Honestly reading here didn't help at all (at first). It just made me feel bad about my thoughts. Thoughts of actions untaken. Thank God I have other places to go for comfort and support.

A day later valid advise was offered here and I am grateful that I kept reading.

I understand that I am a lightning rod for criticism here. There are those who read me and are lashing out at their own WS.

<small>[ December 17, 2002, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</small>

I have been a member here for two years or more... and the attacks were never this bad....I always thought this would be a safe place to be...my post was to you directly not for others. It makes me very hesitant to even post anything here anymore, or because I am not in the constant circle of regulars I am not included or answered when I do post........

It's sad fooltoolong.

This (and probably every) board seems to be very highschool-ish. Cliques, snubbing, etc. Trust me, if I weren't TOW i'd be wholely ignored i'm sure. Before I identified myself as the dredded OW my posts would fall of the EN's page completely unnoticed and unresponded to.

Then once I identified as a former OW it took a while for people to get over attacking EVERY WORD I said or offering mock pity. Once TOW, always a TOW to some. I figure their loss.

now... katiescarlett... I think I posted to you quite often in the beginning... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

btw... loving writing 'katiescarlett'... in my head I hear Mr O'Hara from Gone With The Wind yelling out to Vivien Leigh...

Happy Holidays,
Cali

<<<How about you mother him like he's 20, not like he's 5.>>>

Uh - I thought I was his wife, not his mother. Looking back on it, I can see that he was very comfortable treating me like a mom and his co-workers like girlfriends -- to the point of expecting me to be happy that *they* were making him so happy. Just the way a parent would be pleased that Junior has such a nice girlfriend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

How would intentionally being his "mother" help anything here??

You're right Cali. (i'm such a drama queen)

There were a few who were cool from the first. But mostly I got blasted.

PB.

Maybe each person has to find their own way.

In my relationships I tend to parent. But not in the over the top way. Maybe it's just better to say that I let him do what he wants, but assist him in understanding what i'll accept in a relationship and what I won't.

Wow KS,

I just read this whole post (I rarely make it 6 pages) - Very Interesting!

One positive reply you gave a few pages back that really stands out for me:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I tend to examine these situations in a vaccuum. And when I look at it that way i'm screwed.

I'm honestly a little suprised at the reaction that i've gotten here. Truth is when I have cheated I never spoke about it. I just did it. Talking about it first is huge progress for me and for that i'm really happy.

SG and I had barely spent anytime together in the last few days. Last night I insisted that we turn off the tv's and spend time together. What a wonderful recharge.

He was holding me last night and I just thought "no way." There's no way I could hurt this precious man. I don't know how I could hurt this man and still like myself.

Like I said before. It's a process.

I'm glad that I talked about it. It sucks that just talking ruffled such feathers here. But i'm still glad that I processed it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right in every respect, it is a process and I for one am glad you're using every resource at your disposal to aid in your decision process. Sometimes "we need to go 100 miles out of our way to find the right way." Some of us will and some of us won't go that extra mile -- you have!

I would like to see "you stay the course."

I'm in Chicago. If you find you're tempted in more ways than one, let me know in advance, we can have a cup of coffee or go to a meeting...

MITT