I told my WW today I was fileing for divorce. She seemed shocked and surprised. I told her I couldn't take the pain and heartache anymore. I told her that I never wanted this but I had no choice. She played it off like it was no big deal. She gave me a big hug when I left and told me everything would be fine and I would be ok. I said thanks. She wantedto know if I wanted to go with her the nex time she took our daughter out. I said I was disappointed that I missed out seeing our dughter with santa for the first time but I didn't think it was a good idea for us to go out together. She said she would call me and I said whatever. She gave me a peck on the cheek and I left. She told me that us splitting up had nothing to with OM. That she was going to leave me anyways. I find that hard to believe. She said she was happy now and I also find that hard to believe. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. She says things to me but her actions say otherwise. Well it' bed time. I hope I made the right decision. I'm feeling really lonely right now.

I am sorry for what you are going through right now. It is a tough decision to make and to finally take that step.

I filed as well and H was served today....He walked out with no excuse...I saw him tonight and he didn't say anyting about the papers just about getting separate mail boxes??

All I can say there are alot of people here going through the same think and we can only support eachother and be here for one another. I too am lonely but have support here if I need to talk to someone. keep checking in and let us know how you are doing,... remember you really can't do this alone with out some support system...

Christine

wrngler
It sounds extremely painful for you right now.
Sorry to hear that you had to file for D. Have you got papers or are you starting Plan B from now? Have you sent a Plan B letter or do you feel that this the end of your M?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
NS

I hope that your filing for divorce is not an attempt by you to force her to come back, because it seldom works. But if it's the real deal then I guess there is not much to say except to advise you to maintain a civil relationship with your stbxww for the sake and wellbeing of your daughter and to always be there for her (your daughter).

Good luck.

wrngler ,

my H told me the same thing at one time. He told me he had been unhappy for a long time. He told me he would of left me and that OW had nothing to do with this.

Hey, that's complete "balony!!" And it's what I would definately call "fog talk!".

It's been almost 23 months for me since d-d and my H and I are doing great. We just talked about this the other day.
I told him that I didn't understand that comment that he made, that he would of left me and it didn't have anything to do with OW.

We really got to the bottom of this comment and sorted out things from that time.
We came to the conclusion that since OW was telling him that his thoughts and his opinion were "right on" and that he wasn't doing anything wrong, he felt secure.
He felt strong and he felt that he was thinking and doing things in a very logical and normal matter.
He thought I was the one that was "gunky" and not thinking nor doing things right.
So he was only listening to OW and feeling stronger and stronger about himself.

He came to the conclusion: My W is not what I want and since I can no longer "accept"the way she is (which was confirmed form OW) I will never be happy with her again. She is just no longer what I want for the rest of my life. Even OW confirms this, so I must be right.
HE saw how OW was and therefore was sure that I just wasn't what he wanted. (he wasn't letting me)

He somehow thought that what OW was telling him was an honest opinion. He never thought that it was One-sided. He believed that her opinion was independant and non judgeable and that she only had good intentions.
If OW thought this way. so would anyone else, just not me. (his wife) Therefore he actually believed that it had nothing to do with OW.
If he would of talked about this to someone else (besides) me at that time, he would of gotten a "spark" of reality!

I hope this isn't too complicated.

I hope this might help abit. She might be going through a "high" at the moment but she too will face "reality" maybe even sooner that you think.

take care
bb

Well I'm going to see a lawyer next week. My WW however is going this friday. She was mad at me tonight because I talked to her mother. I only was trying to see if I could take my daughter tommarrow night. My WW's mother watches her thursday night. MY WW said it would be ok if her mom didn't care. Her mother opened up to me and started to ask me questions. I should have shut my mouth and said nothing. My WW called back accusing me of making her mother feel bad. I said I didn't mean to. She called me later and said she was sorry. I think it was mostly show for OM. New update here. Om is not leaving in March for the military. He id leaving next month. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How long does it take for a divorce to finalize?

Wrngler-

The amount of time a D takes to become final depends on which state you file in, on what grounds, etc.

If I were you, I'd make sure to think long and hard about this decision before filing the papers. As TMCM mentioned, if you're hoping to "scare" your WW into coming home by filing, you're going to be PAINFULLY disappointed. My D became final yesterday and guess what I've been thinking about since the hearing? I've been thinking of how stupid I was not to give it some more time. Just make sure this is what you want before you file......

WW told me today she was going to wait until after the new year to file. I am not filing anything until later. I just want to make sure I protect myself and daughter if it comes to divorce. WW seemed happier today. Of course she was mad at OM. She said don't worry she wasn't leaving the area. However I don't think I can trust her on something this important. Just kinda floating along right now.

wrnglr,

How long a D takes depends on many factors. How badly one spouse wants it, how easily issues can be resolved without the need for mediation, court dates, lawyer involvement, etc. My W filed in 11/01. We just signed the custody agreement last week. The financial issues haven't even been started and there's the grounds for D. It's best if you can come to a fair agreement on the issues on your own (saves alot of $$$), but EVERYTHING should be reviewed by your lawyer. Don't give in or give up anything for the sake of being amicable because you'll have to live with it. Be fair, but be firm. Know what you're entitled to and fight for it, but also know what you're not entitled to and let it go.

sad dad