I think I'm at the end of plan A and starting a plan B.

Last night?

Kids get home from school, we make dinner, bake some cookies, talk, play a few games. Wife makes it home just as we sit for dinner. Quick cleanup after dinner and the kids and I are off to son's practice.

Next 2 hours are there usual bliss. Daughter hangs with a friend at the rink. I'm on the ice with the kids. My role on the team is "the big kid" always has been. I joke and fool around with them when it is appropriate and listen when the couch is talking and skate the drills just like the kids. Ten year old kids need to see not only be told, lead by example. Anyway, about my only joy in life, wish I could be a kid off the ice too.

Get home, kids get cleaned up and ready for bed while I do a workout. Wife is cleaning the house, first time in ???? She even put her laundry away, first time in months, I do the laundry, the kids and I manage to put our cloths away, so it was nice to see the top of the dresser again.

In less than a half an hour she's screamming and the kids are crying. I go up and settle them down and decide to get cleaned up myself.

I go into the bathroom, get shower ready, start taking off some cloths and neatly stack them on the floor. She burst's into the bathroom and says " I need to be in here." She starts firing my cloths out the bathroom door. For months it is my feelings that get thrown around so out of some kind of preservation I grabbed for my slippers to remove them and pick up my other cloths.

We both got hold of the slippers at the same time. Her on one end me on the other. Quite comical when I think back. I said "I'll take them please", she held on. I gave a little tug and said "Please let go, I will put them in the bedroom". She said no and gave them a good pull. I held on and she said "What are going to hit me?"

Here I am, half naked, bone marrow boy, 125lbs of skin and bone, not too imposing. I let go and took about 3 steps back and said "Hit you? Have I ever hit you? Have I ever raised my hand in anger to you? Have you ever seen me raise my hand in anger to anyone. Have you ever heard me say I have hit anyone in my life?"

I'm devestated, again by words. My feelings seem to get crunched at every turn. One of my faults is passiveness, so violence is so unlike me. That hurt!

Is she trying to goat me? Trying for a valid reason to leave. Trying to justify what she has done? Or is it just more anger and resentment she's dumping on me. Maybe she is messed up and this is reactionary. I don't know.

Her actions at times seem positive, but her words condradict. I've been open and honest all along, she has not. I'm more worried about the open part than the honesty right now. I'm starting to worry about me, I can't keep myself open and out there much longer, I'm a man of few beliefs, and the few I have been sorely tested.

Head up, stick on the ice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by skewdone:
<strong>Is she trying to goat me? Trying for a valid reason to leave. Trying to justify what she has done?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, yes, yes. She's following the WS script exactly.

Don't play into her twisted drama.

Plan A, Plan A, Plan A.

Plan B is not available for you until she moves out.

WAT

Been there, done it and got the T-shirt, endured 6 months of it.

Take some shame, add a healthy portion of blame and self-blame, mix with uncertainty about the future and un-satisfy some emotional needs, remember all the bad things which ever happened to you, continue to dig in the hole you're already in and - hey! Presto! - here you have your typical WS.

You should not get worked up about it too much, there's a logical explanation to it. *You* control your actions, she does hers (resp. not) - all you can do is show her the right way - but she has to walk it herself. Under no circumstances shout back or LB back - is counterproductive and only helps her to "justify why you are such a horrible person". So: Do plan A (did you do all the reading in the articles on this site?), once you cant take it anymore, consider plan B.

Don&#8217;t let it eat you up - always remember that you're not dealing with an entirely rational person here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Plan B is not available for you until she moves out. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remember the "SHE" part of the moving out. Sorry, it had to be said.

Other than that, do not try to understand her. I have gotten enough advice here that I have developed a fog-radar of sorts that picks up on on the scripted things that the WS says. When the fog-radar alarm goes off it keeps me from LBing and my Plan A on track. Hope that helps.