Could someone please summarize for me what Torn Asunder says about Forgiving too soon? I read through the Table of Contents on Amazon.com but havent' purchased the book yet.

I am still considering buying the book but can't wait until the shopping spree to know what it says about this topic.

I am wondering if I have made this too easy on WH. I have not forgiven or forgotten but I am wondering if maybe that impression has been given off.

Anyway, does anyone remember?
Thanks,
DB

The gist of it is that forgiveness needs to take time. Too many people don't REALLY forgive, they just try to deny or bury things. The book is great, BTW.

It is the best book I've read about affairs. We liked it so much that our MC bought it for her practice. It says that however long the affair lasts from first feelings until the end, is about how long it will take to recover for the BS. It also says that the WS MUST experience all of your hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, etc. This helps to prevent another affair as well as lets them know exactly what they've done to you.

Forgiveness is a process. The book says that if you try to be too forgiving too soon and haven't really healed, it will just come back worse. It happened to me. A lot of BS experience depression years later because of this unresolved issue.

The book does an excellent job presenting emotional affairs as well.

I highly recommend it! Also the article 'shattered vows' at findarticles.com

good luck and peace to you

Thank you, thank you. You have just reiterated that I must have a "long talk" with H this weekend. I am also buying the book tonight as I am going on a "solo" shopping spree. I hate to bring the subject up all the time because I just see the pain in his eyes but I NEED to. Thanks.
DB

Just in case anyone is interested, I bought an awesome book called "The Choosing to FORGIVE workbook" and it pretty much saved my marriage.
Its by Les Carter, Ph.D. & Frank Minirth, M.D.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

IMO, Torn Asunder is great book for BS... It addressed the "feelings" that I had much better than SAA...

Forgiving to quickly is when a BS just "forgives" without really going through the process of dealing with all of the hurt and pain that you've been through because of the A. I did this after my W's first A and believe me, when I found out about her other A's 10 years later, all of the hurt from that 1st A came back again...

For me, forgiveness is a process... even though my W and I are doing great, there are times that I have thoughts from the past and those same old hurt feelings try to surface... when that happens, I just stop and tell myself that yes, I was hurt by my W's actions, but I will forgive her... not sure if that makes any sense, but it works for me.

Get the book and see if your H is willing to read it with you.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

I had one counselor tell me this was the best book she had found and reccomended it. I haven't read it yet, at least I don't think so... well wait a minute... maybe I do have it... I am confused at this point.. I have read so many- but definitely heard it was good.

I do not have total forgiveness for my ws, but I am trying, it has been a while, but he hasn't done what it will take to be completely forgiven... yet.

I have hope.

Hope and faith to you.

Honey