Please give me a reality check. My estrange wife said I was too jeolous because I could not accept her other "man" friends, she left me and filed for divorce. Now she has several boyfriends, past emotional affairs, but when in need still comes to me and expects me to be there for her. I follow plan A and even plan B.
She blames me for the seperation and the divorce because I was too jeolous and would not accept her other male friends, who are married themselves. She feels their wives should accept the fact that she would like to be intimate with their husbands and doesn't understand their jeolous either. Please give me a reality check, as dealing with this now for over a year, I need one.
Thanks for your coments.

<small>[ December 12, 2002, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: rpcarri ]</small>

Well, I don't have any advice for you but I can tell you that you are not alone. My H doesn't understand why I have a problem with females calling him on his cell phone. He doesn't know that I know about the messages that I've heard but trust me I don't talk like that to my "friends". I wouldn't care if a female friend called him on our home phone and he spoke to her in front of me, I could accept that. It's just amazing to me what someone you thought you knew thinks is o.k. to do to you.

Here is your reality check:
Your ex-wife is a player who has a broken moral compass and is incapable of having a committed mature relationship. She files for divorce because you are jealous of her sleeping with other men? She enjoyed having the material benefits of a marriage while being free to sleep with other men. It would have been a matter of time before she gave you a disease and mentally, emotionally and spiritually destroyed you.

The best advise I would give is to not be there for her and move on and find someone who can respect you and respect the committment of a marriage. Your estranged wife is so far gone she is off the map. Do not let her use you anymore.
You deserve someone who can appreciate you, respect and love you. Your wife is a user who will make a living hell for anyone who is with her. Move on and find someone else and do not allow yourself to be a doormat and shortchange yourself. Good riddance and move on to a better life and a better future.

WHOA does this woman not know the meaning of the word MARRIAGE?! I'm assuming there was no discussion about an "open" marriage. From what you said, you should not accept the blame for the separation. SHE is the one who broke the vows.

As for her expecting you to be there for you, I think that is an unrealistic expectation. However, it's your decision, and if it makes YOU happy to help her, then keep being there for her. If it's something you don't want to do, then you shouldn't feel obligated to be there for someone who has hurt you in this way. If you don't have kids, I don't see where you are obligated to continue contact with her at all. It's totally up to you, and if you wish for contact to end, I would be honest and tell her.

Just out of curiousity, does she have a history of abuse or mental illness?

oops double post

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 09:31 AM: Message edited by: lostbuthopeful ]</small>

Thank you for your comments. Yes she does have a history of sexual abuse from her father. She hid it very well until this year when it all started coming out. She saw a counseler for a short time and then said her male friends were better for her than the counseler. I do have two boys, 18 & 19, and she told both of them that they did not need her anymore and they were now on there own. We have had to work through some real anger and I have seen improvement in the last 4 months. As long as she stays away.

The reality is that she is a woman who is committed not to your marriage, but to the single life. If you can live someone who swings, then you have your woman. If you want a monogamous relationship, then she is not the woman for you.