I wrote a letter to WS, since he has made no overature to get his mail, messages. Heck he does not even think I know where his new apartment is or that I do not know his unlisted number.. (I do) Well, I had clipped a letter to help edit from another poster on here and her WS has the name of mine. Here's the funny part, I sent HIM her letter thinking it was the letter from me, oh yea, I had a platinum blonde moment, (I can say this as I am blonde). So, she writes me asking me something about her letter, and I pull it up, that's when I see that I sent it to WS, my first reaction was panic, then my second reaction was, Oh sh!!, he must think I'm crazy and delusional as it did not apply to out situation at all. Then the 3rd reaction was I started to laugh and understanding why I have not heard from him about the letter "I thought I sent", which was telling him about his mail and that I really did not feel it was my responsibilty to email him as he could write me, so as NOT to bother him. And I told him some very nice things. Well, I sent the one I meant to sent with an apology but I do not even know if he will read that one, My question, if I do not hear from him, should I call his unlisted number and tell him, or should I keep what I know about his number and new address to myself as to not let him know. What do you all think? I really feel embarrassed by the letter faux-pa, but it was an honest mistake, but in their fog he might think it was really to him!!!

Bumping to get advice, should I call him even though he does not know that I know his number, I really need everyone's opinions.

Neesha...well, my first reaction was OOOOPS, LOL!

You've corrected the blunder, you explained and apologized...that's all you can do. More explanations and calls will only drive him further away. I know you want him to thouroughly and completely understand, but you can't MAKE him understand or listen if he doesn't want to. My opinion is to let it lie for now, and don't let on you know his new number until you absolutely have to, or he gives it to you.

Well hope, kick me cause I did call, he was shocked that I had his number as I have had it ever since he moved out, I said to him "Well WS, why would you have to phone people call me here to tell me where and when they would be hooking up #--- ----. Anyways, I again aplogized as to the letter faux paux and and told him I would have NEVER called him and that I sent the correct letter to him. I asked if he was doing o.k. and he said "No he wasn't and that was all that needed to be said", He did say that he would need to pick up his mail, and I said "Yes, that is why I wrote the real letter to him and that I would not even bother writing him to bother him if he would email me and I would respond". I told him to call before he comes over and then he hung up on me. He has some kind of anger and resentment for me that is running deep. It would not matter if I sprouted wings or walked on water, he is blatently hostile and also making himself the victim and feels justified in his actions (oops, non-actions) towards me. Maybe I should not have called but I did, and I also told him if it would make him feel better, change the number or move again. I have had this number from the first day he moved out which was Nov,30. I have not called him nor even was tempted but I knew after finding out about the wrong letter, I just was afraid he would not read anymore email, he would have just deleted it as the letter was wayyyyy off the mark. I will probably suffer for my call, but I do not feel that I did the wrong thing considering he really thought the "not real letter" was real, sheesh!!!!

Neesha, he's a TYPICAL wayward spouse. If you read my sig line, I was one too. So what you're describing is typical, and unfortunatly normal.

If you continue to act as a normal confused and betrayed spouse...you will get the normal response and probly end up in a normal divorce.

What I'm proposing is this. You can't change how he reacts or how he chooses to think or "read in" to anything. Even a blunder. But you can choose to do things differently on your end. Calling him was a normal response for you...so now you're getting a normal response from him.

You want things to change...then do things differently. Give him his space and start doing things differently on your end. Start preparing yourself to respond differently when you do have contact. And don't expect rapid change in him. Things CAN change, but chances are you'll be the last to know!

So hang in there, and gather some strength, you're going to need it! And don't beat yourself up over any blunders to this point. Learn from it, and don't repeat it...but leave it in the past where it is.

Good luck!!

Hope, thanks for responding, I agree to everything you have said. The only person I am working on or considering at this point is me. I did not like making the mistake I did about the letter, but I had to make it clear to him and in my own mind. When I asked him to leave, I was more than prepared for him to have space and do whatever he wanted to do, I knew that is what he was doing here but the difference was, I drew boundaries about respect and what I could or could not put up with. I hope you did not misunderstood me in my post. I am not in contact with him what so ever, I knew when this started that he would not make contact until he goes where he needs to go mentally, emotionally and physically with his A. I know that his mind is consumed with the MOW, and how he is preparing for their future, I know he is "fogged" and is blaming me and having all the typical reacions or actions of most of us on MB. I am going to continually work on me and grow from this experience as I'm sure everyone involved in it will on some level or another. He will come get his mail soon, and I will be cordial and polite as I have been through this whole ordeal, I hope you do not think I'm confused, I was shocked because of all the circumstances if you read any of my threads, but I was never confused. I do want to thank you fo replying to my thread, I was just really embarrassed today when I found out I sent a letter to WS, that was about 2 other people.