I saw one of your posts, or more,and finally felt I had to find your story...

I just read your link to it.

B/c of my wh being an alcoholic... I too am tempted to prove he should have supervised visits with the kids....?

Can they prove themselves OK to see the kids? What state are you in?

I am letting him see the kids now, and praying when I do so... I have had some heavy discussions with him lately in front on our mcounselor about the drinking/ driving and other issues...

If you don't mind sharing please do about that aspect, if you do mind I would be glad to post my email if you would share off the board....

Let me know if you can, I really appreciate input on this kind of situation. I want my wh to have a relationship with the kids, but not endanger or harm them by his influence....

I am still trying to save my m... but still wondering if it is worth it. If he can'
t change his drinking behaviors... basically, I won't have a marriage..... so we shall see.

Thanks, Honey

Hi Honey.

I'm more than happy to give you what little bit of knowledge I have that might help you with your WH and his contact with your kids.

You are so right to be concerned with your children's wellbeing concerning their safety with their alcoholic father. In fact I would urge you to contact your State's local department of health and human services and ask to have a case worker to talk to about this situation because, God forbid, if something like an accident happened and they were injured, the State might consider you negligent [if it finds out that you knew about your WH's alcoholic condition and didn't do anything to help protect them from his alcoholic behavior] and deem you an unfit parent. By talking to a social worker about this issue, you will be taking responsible action that the State will acknowledge, and also hopefully will help you in getting the message across to your WH's foggy brain. But don't delay, do this as soon as possible because you never know when something unpleasant might happen.

Your efforts to save your M are to be commended but not at the expense of your children's safety or lives. Right now you are the only functional adult in their lives and they need you to protect their best interests, and if those best interests mean that you have to take action to keep them safe from their father's alcoholic behavior, then so be it. This is one of those boundaries that should never, ever be compromised for the sake of restoring a marriage.

I hope this helped you, and feel free to ask me any questions you might have.

Hi Honey,

I hope you don't mind my intruding. A neighbor was able to have supervised visition at a center that is for that purpose. I don't know what she had that she was able to get this. I know he never hurt the kids, many times he tried to hurt her. He had/has a alcohol/drug problem. I know he was busted for selling drugs. However, no jail time, probation.

I think following TMCM advice is sound. You need to discuss this with someone. Their safety is what matters most.

TMCM, and Sue with Hope, Thanks for the ideas...

Question- Can your wife prove herself suitable/ safe now? Is that what she is trying to do now?

My ws is quite intelligent and quite likeable , etc .- he can convince anyone he is capable of anything.. including social workers, etc.

I have looked into doing something about his behavior, but I am not there yet.

I am curious what the state requires they do to prove themselves suitable and ok for visitations without supervision, once supervision has been required. If you know about this, I am interested in what you know.

Thanks for the insight.

thanks, H

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Question- Can your wife prove herself suitable/ safe now? Is that what she is trying to do now?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm divorced now Honey, but if you remember my story, my daughters were interviewed by a social worker who filed a report on her leaving the children alone without any adult supervision. On top of this, my xWW left some very physically threatening messages to me on my answering machine which was used by my lawyer as proof that she was not a fit parent. Testamony from neighbors and friends who signed sworn affidavits, corroborating my accusations, also helped in convincing the court that she was unfit as a parent to have custody, and unsupervised visits. After our divorced, she hit rock bottom and voluntarily admitted herself to therapy to deal with her sexual addiction and anger management. She got herself a job, an apartment, and finally was able to convince the court to have unsupervised visits with our daughters. Today she is a totally different person than the out of control individual that was a danger to everybody including herself. The only complaint I have against her, is that NOW she is trying to woo me in taking her back, but I have already moved on with my life and I have a new woman in my life with whom I'm engaged to marry next year. But I have no love left over, and I made myself clear everytime she has tried to get close to me, that I have no desire for her. It hurts me only because I know she's very remorseful for the pain she caused us(my daughters have told me this), but I can not lie to her or to myself, I am no longer the man who fell in love with her.

But as far as your case is concerned, in order for you to have the court on your side and mandate your WH to have supervised visitation with your children , you have to show some kind of strong proof that your WH engages in child endangering behavior. I would like to suggest that you hire an attorney who may help you on what kind of proof the court may consider admissible that he should have supervised visitation. Remember that each State has different laws(I live in California) and so an attorney is essential in dealing with the family court system. Please consider this last suggestion.

Thanks TMCM, I have the tools to go to pro. services etc. if I need to, right now I don't need to.... but I have a very watchful eye. I know if I do something like this, my marriage is over.... but I WILL NOT endanger my kids.... ever... if that means I say you don't get the kids you are a danger... right now, he is respectful of that.... in times I have... sd that.

Right now we are in marriage counseling and ws is improving, he is still having trouble with his alcohol, and other issues, but he is a good dad... for now.

I just wanted to know the ramifications of such a thing and what a parent subjected to all of that.. supervised visits, etc. .. has to do to prove themselves ok again.... and how hard it is.

I appreciate your openness and frankness and wish ou happiness in your new life. It sounds like you are past the point of giving her a chance. I know that must be difficult seeing that she finaly wants to change. You have already accepted the divorce and moved on. This I fear may be my plight, but I am giving it all I have for now.

Thanks for the info on dealing with the system...

Thanks , H