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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407 |
I also posted over on "D/D" but wanted to make sure I was reaching all of the MB veterans. Here's the story:
We had our final hearing last week and I've had a persistent feeling since then that I shouldn't have moved so quickly, even though it had been 14 months of me holding my hand out to my WW with little response. A friend of mine that testified at the hearing told me he thought I should've waited longer because of the "chemistry" between my wife and I (we've been pretty much civil through the whole thing). I still love her very much..... What should I do to get closure?
BS - 35
WW - 33
M - 7/94 No Kids
WW tells me of A 10/01
D Final 12/02
<small>[ December 17, 2002, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: litchfield ]</small>
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
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Litchfield, I don't know your story, but it sounds as though this "chemistry" thing going on between you and the WW was missing some ingredients that apparently the OM possessed. Don't beat yourself up on hind sight. You did what you felt was best for the two of you and she concurred. Is A still going on? Even those who tolerate an A in the first place have their limits. If you reached yours then you can't hardly beat yourself up for not being more tolerable. Best wishes for your new life. tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407
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ba109-
Thanks for the wishes. Apparently the A ended a coupld of months ago and the OM moved out west (I'm in SC). I guess I talked myself into believing that she had plenty of time to think things through but now I'm not so sure. It sounds like the withdrawal effects can last for some time after the OP is out of the picture.
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 987
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Litchfield
I'm not really very good at advice sometimes, and this is one of those times!
But if the A is finished, and you still love your W "very much" in your own words, have you told her? You're still talking and civil etc. so is this a possibility? Or are there other issues that make you think you do not have a future? It may not be the right time for her if she is in withdrawal, but it may also give her something to think about.
Just a thought and wishing you well from London.
Lisa
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I'll echo what Lisa wrote and add this. It is not unheard of for divorced couples to patch things up and re-marry. If the two of you still Love each other and the OM is now out of the picture then who knows?? Anything is possible. tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <small>[ December 16, 2002, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 407 |
Lisa-
I think my XW is still in withdrawal from the A, and that's why I'm having so many doubts about going through with the D. I just feel that I should've waited a few more months, but financial considerations coupled with seemingly no progress on the R front pushed me over the edge after 14 months. The OM moved out west in October and prior to that they were treating patients together on a daily basis. One thing I can say is that she definitely knows that I love her and would do anything for her. Sadly enough, I didn't get the hang of not pressuring her and creating a safe environment until the last 2-3 months.
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Joined: Apr 1999
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Don't beat yourself up over, "I shouldn't have moved so quickly."
You did what you felt you had to at the time. It's not like you didn't give her time.
I still love her very much and just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me.
That's a crock. I said the same thing. Most bs do say that. If you want her to be happy, even if it's not with you, then you still care.
After a time, you will not love her and if she is happy or not will concern you as much as you care about the guy down the street.
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Joined: May 2002
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Chris(CA123)-
You're right, of course, with regards to her happiness. I do want her to be with me, but she's broken and I've come to realize that I can't "fix" this on my own.
I'm just hoping and praying that I can avoid time simply covering up, rather than healing, the feelings I have for her.
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