Still on a ride, want to get off. UGH is this ever going to end/ I feel physically ill today/ already throwing up great.

((((sara)))))
What happened? Thought about you yesterday.
DB

I don't know what happened. I guess i just realized this morning that nothing has really changed. He is still really angry, he is still with ow and he still won't be responsible for his actions. I know i can let it go if i am willing to live this way the rest of my life, but im just not willing to give up all my dreams. Selfish, probably. Reality, I want more. I want to wake up in the morning and want to get up. I want to be able to hear the cell phone ring without wondering which woman is calling this time. I want to know that i am the only woman in his life, I want to not worry about everything alone. I want to share responsibility for life with someone, or i want to just be responsible for me and my two babies. I don't want to be responsible for a 33 yearold teenage, with issues. I want to be taken care of. I know i can take care of me, i just want someone else to be there for me.

UGH sorry for the long vent,

How is your world. Are things going better, have you talked anymore. I hope the sun is shining where you are today.

Sara

Rain, rain, rain. No more talks.

Who can blame you for wanting those things? It's what everyone wants and what he VOWED to give you. I'm so incredibly sad that he won't WAKE UP!
We all want to know we're the only woman in their lives ... that's why we are here! You are definitely no alone on your feelings - that is for sure!

Have you given him the letter? What are your Christmas plans? I can't believe it's ONE WEEK away!!

Have you talked any more with your dad? Could he be a source of strength for you?
K.

We are having dinner on Sunday, Sat. is our 11 year anniversary. I am going to talk to him then. I will give him the letter after we talk. (because i want him to be able to read it as well as hear it, when im scared or worried, or hurting i don't always make sense.. No I havn't talked any more to my Dad.

Christmas plans are the same as always. Christmas day at his family, Christmas eve at mine.

I have decided that this is less about the Affair and more about the relationship that allowed the affair. That is going to be the basis for our talk. I am going to bring up the big issue of respect for me. We will see.

The sun finally peeked out here. THANK GOD FOR SUNSHINE.

Thanks for being there.
sara

We have been married for 18 1/2 years! I wonder if this is a midlife crisis??

We have plans to go out with a bunch of friends on Saturday to eat at one of my fav restaurants. Chicken Cordon Bleu - I love it!!!

It will probably be a late night but I'm going to make a point of checking on you in case you left a post.

I really think you're doing the right thing. It might get something jump started. What that something is - who knows? But letting him disrespect you, treat you worse than bad, being angry all the time is getting you nowhere fast.

It is time you took matters into your own hands and stood strong. You can!
K.

notgoingtodothis,

You can read my one year here:

D Day#1 1 Yr on

Chin up. Neil.