AS usual after dropping of the kids at preshcool i went to the gym.I did my work out like i normally do and that includes listening to my walkman blarring at the loudest level.

When i got home, I pulled in the driveway to find H waiting for me asking "where have you been?" I thought i must have missed an appt or something. Well apparently dd was ill and school called for us to come get her. H had called the gym and they paged me ( i did not hear any pages) and told him they could not find my ID in the box where the ids go for safe keeping while you work out.

I tried to tell him that I was at the gym, but he was already so wrapped up in his hurt and anger that it was way past the point of making it all better.It was like sitting next to a locomotive and he was punching the dashboard so hard, I thought the airbag would go off.

So allafter noon he was ugly to me, making snide remarks and hurtful comments.

any suggestions on how to handle this? Cause honestly I CAN"T handle being treated like this, even though I know he has every right to be mad and angry and as hurtful as he wants to be to me.

I would disagree that he has "every right" to be that way to you. We are all having a human experience and we are all God's children.

Regardless of my FWH hurting me, I always felt and told him that I would NEVER want him to hurt the way that I do.

Your BS gets to be accountable for his actions. If he is handling the stress in this manner, he has to look within himself to find another way to cope.

I truly believe that no matter the severity of the mistake, NO ONE deserves to be verbally or physically abused.

Plan A can work the other way too. And if you don't see results, I think Plan B does too.

Good luck.

Are you and your H going to MC? It seems that your H needs it to overcome his triggers and his angry outbursts.

we were seeing the Chaplian on base, but H wanted to stop, he did not think it was helping us anymore.

my defense mode is to shut down, and that is what I am doing right now. When I am around him, I shut down, I can't even make eye contact with him. I say only what needs to be said in as short a sentance as possible.

euphoria-

As TMCM alluded to, you and your H should continue on with your present C or look for another one if you're not happy with who you've been using. It sounds like there are lots of issues that need to looked at and some of the dynamics can be very complex. As others have mentioned, look around until you find someone you like. When you find the right one, they can really have a positive effect on your recovery. Don't give up!

<small>[ December 19, 2002, 08:40 AM: Message edited by: litchfield ]</small>