So..H. got home from Military school one week ago, and he is on duty this weekend at the base. So I'm starting some laundry and trying to sort through his pile of clothes that he has yet to fold/hang/wash from school, when what do I find but pictures of him and the girl he was dating while at school. They are in a bar with all of his friends, (I wonder if any of them knew he was married) and they are hugging, arms wrapped around one another.

I'm numb, he claims its over and he has been very very good, attentive, so forth. But why does he still have these pictures. He claims (I called him to ask him about them) that he was going to throw them away when he came across them but just forgot about them. He was calm when I confronted him, says he loves me, told me to throw them away.

Gosh I have all these feelings, I feel bad for the girl...she looks like such a nice girl, she claimed she did not know he was married, H has even said she did not know he was married. Then I wonder, why did he keep them? Why did he bring them home, why didn't he throw them away when he left school?

Then again, I don't know what I"m feeling, I'm not feeling how I thought I would feel, its almost like, well..now I have the pictures and I know what she looks like, and now I have it right in front of me, and I'm not as devastated as I thought I would be..its so odd...I'm sitting here, waiting for the feelings to come but they just aren't.

Anyone have any similar experience?

thanks

d.

Whenever my FWH would give me details and I knew that he was telling me the truth, I handled it so calmly. It was when I found things on my own and then he lied about it that it felt like I sank to the depths of hell. It's weird, I know.

Be glad that he told the truth. It's a step in the process. Sometimes it's inevitable to find evidence or learn something new. You are doing great! Just be in the moment and let it go!

God Bless!

I have a similar story but not as positive as yours. My WS left out pictures of him and MOW for me to see to deliberately taunt me before he was asked to move out. He left them out and it was pictures of them exactly at the place he made vows to me, I did not even let on that I saw them to give him the satisfaction of my hurt because it was obvious a malicious, fogged move on his part.
Your H says he meant to throw them away, and you found them, maybe you can ask him to do that when you are present if that would make you feel better. Men do forget sometimes and pictures do not mean the same sometimes as they do for women.
Women use pictures for emotional memory or remembrance to a special time in their lives. If he has shown you all his true intentions for making your lives better, maybe he just means he forgot. Obviously it was a trigger of pain for you and I'm sorry, I do know how that feels, just not the positive part of your story about his intentions of making your M strong and healthy again. Do not if I helped or not, best wishes.

My H and I had a burning ceremony of his OW's pix- he lit the match. It's a good way to get rid of those kinds of pix.

I went over to a girlfriend's tonight, and we did just that! We had a ceremony, which is exactly what I called it. Probably burning them with H. might have been better, but, I took them over to friend's house, we each had one, I had two (there were four of us) and we burned them.

H. called me on my way home from friend's house, and I told him I burned them, and that it made me feel better. I also said to him, if there was anything else ANYWHERE to get rid of it, because I do not want to see anything else, that this ceremony helped me put some of it behind me.

Little by little, I think I"m getting through this. This site has helped...and I've read His Needs/Her Needs., Surviving an Affair, and Love Busters. And a few others. I'm MUCH stronger than I was even 4 weeks ago. And if he chooses to do it again, I will know that I put my best foot forward and did my damnedest (is that spelled right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) to make my marriage work, and whatever I could to meet his emotional needs, to the best of my ability.

thanks for listening.

d

Military wife,
Are you at Cherry Point?

lady -

no, i'm not. i can email you to tell you where we are stationed if you'd like.

d.

anyone else have any words of wisdom? I could really use them....

thanks

d.

Military wife,

That's exactly what happened to me - I found pictures, knew immediately who it was.

I know they have not had a PA and this is just a very strong EA - how do I know, I know because I know this person and whenever they were together they had her two kids and his two - not much time for anything else, but that is what fueled the EA. They were friends that did things together with the kids and another family and when he was transferring (military also) she thought we broke up and she decided to tell him she was falling in love with him. That's all she had to say...it's been a steamy EA since then - they don't see each other, just phone, email, and cards.....but still - EA's are so hard to break.

If we work through this, which, I hope we can, my plan is to take all of the pictures and write a nice note to her, with both of us signing it and mail them back to her - I really wanted to burn them, but at the time, wasn't thinking that clearly or that far ahead.

He may have thrown them away - she found out that I was still very much in his life and really had no idea we were still seeing each other - I believe she has left the scene, but am not totally sure.