First off, I'll give a short history of my situation. H had A, I discovered it on New Years Day 2002. H moved out first of Feburary. Plan A, for a while, then to plan B, H came home around May. Everything going o.k., we still have moments, I still have memories, but in general things are going well. Thank You MB, I learned alot here!!!
Anyway, my problem now is with me. For some reason, I flirt with and notice other men more than ever. I have even gone as far as going out to eat with a close friend of my H who expressed an attraction to me. I have talked to him on the phone several times, made plans to try to meet, etc... He has tried to kiss me, I allowed a quick peck on the lips, I know its wrong, but it happened. I felt like dirt afterwards. I think he is a wonderful person, but I do not have any "feelings" for him. I seem to get some type of excitement out of it. Anyway, we dont even talk now, theres no point in it really, I dont miss him or anything, or have the desire to make contact, it just seemed fun I guess, or am I trying to get revenge on my WH?
When I go places I look at men alot, I flirt, and these are things I never did before the A. I dont want to have an A, whenever directly approached, I am honest about my marriage, and I dont try to persue any type of relationship. Is it just innocent, self esteem boosters. I enjoy attention from other men, and it is something I never craved before. Whats going on? Am I trying to get back at him for cheating on me? Has any other BS ever experienced anything like this. I just wanna hear some other experiences!!
By the way Im not a bad person, just a little confused at my own actions.

Starry

You are in a DANGER zone. I advise you to sit down and have a heart to heart with your H. Some unresolved issues about your H's A is still eating at you, and with just cause. Its only been a year, you still have a ways to go to recover depending on how bad his A was and how much work the two of you have done to date.

Is your need for attention, admiration being met by your H? Does he make you feel you are special, attractive? I know it all seems innocent what you are doing but the fact of the matter is, its not.

Really what you engaged in with your H's friend was basically and EA. Talking, meeting for lunch, even allowing a tiny kiss, this is all an EA that can easily turn into a big fat PA which you will regret, trust me. I was there. Im a WS. My H and I have been in recovery close to 3 years now. Please I urge you to end all contact whatsoever with his friend, which I know you have but make sure its NO CONTACT. By the way, this man is NO friend of your H's. He cannot be a friend of your H's if he is calling his "friends" wife, meeting her and so forth.

I know you feel vulnarable right now and feel that perhaps the A happened because something was wrong with you and you flirting and getting attention from other men, proves you are worthy, sexy and so forth but its not real sweetie. Your marriage is REAL.

I urge you to both TALK TALK TALK, go to counseling and do something. I see something really bad brewing, maybe not with his friend but it can be ANY other man catching you an a day when you feel particurlary hurt and angry at your H.

If I can help. Let me know
Zoey

Read my post there called A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH. It might make you think before you act.