WS is angry. I think stress of no money, no family to share this time with, no tree, and etc. and etc.

Blame game is going strong, only it is for things 6-12 months and up to 18 yrs old I did wrong to him.

Earlier today he sd in no uncertain terms that he wants a Divorce, watch and see he is going to do it, complete with the f word to me.... I got off the phone.

Later today he tells me in response to my request that he wants levis for Xmas---- who even knows what is up with this man.

he still plans to go to couneswling and wants to get to the bottom of my newest evil in his book.. btw weve already been down that rd before..> i have already apologized, changed my ways, etc... but now he has to beat me over the head with the bat on it.

Hugs and thanks.

Is holiday time stressful for those who have left their homes? and chosen wayward ways?

Please share any similar angry ws at holiday time experiences.

Thanks, H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Honey,

You don't wanna know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Believe me, it doesn't get better after the D.

I don't know if it's the holidays or the full moon but something lately is bringing out the worst in people.

Good luck to anyone who has to cope with a whacko S or X this holiday season.

tagging off <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

hi

I'm the bs and it seems like I've been a lot more angry the last few days. At first chalked it up to pms but that should be over. Lot of stress right now--no money, car problems, etc. all combined with the fact that my marriage is torn apart and I cannot get into the christmas spirit at all.
Weird thing is, H has been a lot LESS angry the last few days--go figure?

Yep, I'm a grinch this year! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I don't really know about WS, but for the last 2 days I have been more emotional, I guess because its nearer to X-Mas, and I have the spirit of the holiday as far as my heart goes, but that's also a 2 edged sword for me. My heart is broken and slowly on the mend,and I love X-mas as far as the emotional time and the real "spirit" of it, so I have been pretty sappy the last 2 days. Also my d-day was barely 2 months ago and it's all so new not being with my mate for holidays.

The holidays are stressful for people with no problems, let alone those of us with so much going on. Unrealistic expectation, depression over the current state of whatever our situations may be. Its just tough.

We see the holidays as a time when family, friends get together and celebrate which is hard to do when your relationship is in turmoil.

Just try to find peace in prayer and ask for the strength to be strong enough to get through these days.

Do something nice for YOURSELF :-)

Zoey

Honey,

Addiction is a way of coping with unwanted feelings. There are more "feelings" surrounding special days - holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and you'll find more alcoholics losing their sobriety, tempers, rationality, reason, whatever.

Honey, I don't post much anymore, and I don't know if you are attending a functional Al-Anon support group or not. I did not find much serenity in the Al Anon groups I went to. The best foundation for recovery for me was in Adult Children of Alcoholics groups. That's where I learned that trying to have a relationship with an addict who has not surrendered his life to a power greater than himself is insanity itself.

Tis the season for addicts to be angry - to blame - to cheat, lie, wound, and essentially wreck the halls with bouts of folly, so to speak.

So if you must continue to have an attachment to a man who hasn't racked up any significant clean time from the bottle, at least prepare yourself, so that you remember his anger, pettiness, cruelty, abusiveness, hate... are not about you. The only thing you have to concern yourself with is why do you value yourself so little that you would allow yourself to go through this abuse?

*************************

The one who cares the least about the relationship has the most power over it.

P.S. - the common denominator between holidays and special days has more significance in the addiction than in the affair. The affairs were just his addiction morphing into another arena of "getting high". Until he faces the feelings he's running from, he's never going to truly be worth being in a relationship with.

Trouble is, you can't make him face the feelings - you can only make him run further from them. My therapist advised me to "get out of God's way, and let the man find his bottom."

Hi KaylaAndy, Thanks. I do see your point. I am in a good alanon support group, thank goodness, ...

I do see every attempt to deal with him is nuts lately... Well he finds less and less big stuff about me to get mad at .. but there is always something... and this is coming from a drinker who was always happy with me until I aSked him to be responsisble.

He won't face his issues and even looking at them does make him mad.

Historically bdays, holidays, etc. have been meltdowns with him involved. I have had some bad ones even prior to mting him with too high of expectations, but I have outgrown this... he hasn't.

So, I will just be patient. He has not at all confimed any of his plans with us.. for the holidays... ugh! So I just make plans and he can fit in as he can, which I am sure will mean fits when it doesn't go exactly his way.

Who I thought he was going to be to me.. hasn't happened at all. Well, earlier yrs were better.. but he has gotten real bad now.

I still love him, but I cannot live with how he now lives.

Thanks Kayla Andy - I am getting out of the way... he may be one that never stops.. he is so into his own self will and doing nothing but it.

Hugs, Honey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The affairs were just his addiction morphing into another arena of "getting high". Until he faces the feelings he's running from, he's never going to truly be worth being in a relationship with.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kayla - this is profound.

Honey? I know you are listening...

His anger is directed at you. If you were not there it would be directed at someone else. You see, he CAN NOT be at fault. To be at fault one must be inferior and/or wrong. He can not be either of those. He hangs onto his pride with a self rightuous attitude. Call him on his possible bluff. If he wants a D, then make sure he has a dependable ride to the courthouse! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sorry...your H frustrates me too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Buy him levis with Louisiana hot sauce soaked into the crotch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry again...

Uhhhhh...buy him a bottle of Jack Daniels and fill it with brown toliet water! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Sorry again...

Stay strong for your kids. Plan A yourself!

Gib

Thanks Gibby- very cute ideas for shopping, creative!

I already got him some pics of me and the kids framed, I didn't spend too much and figured if he didn't want the ones of me, we can take them back.. but they are of happy times! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> So maybe....

Anyway, what else? Maybe on the levi's.. but not sure they are in the budget for him....

Kids more important. I do see that he is really into, and has told me himeslef that it would make him a bad person to associate with whor+'s- so ow's were nice people, he definitely does not want to be the bad guy..

Even wanted me to tell kids it is not all his fault we are seperated, that mom and dad just have some problems right now.. he wants me to be an equal in why he left... so badly...

He does not want to own any responsibility for what he did/does wrong ...

Off to shop and poss. attend a meeting tonight.

Thanks for the insight again.

It was sad to see a nice pic of me and my h at my grandmothers today.... the whole group.... of my family, and we looked happy... pic was taken a few months before the A.... WHAT HAPPENED? We were happy then... Don't even get it???? THe alcohol took over his head?

Hugs, H

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> already got him some pics of me and the kids framed, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I always knew that women were better shoppers than men. I think he will like your present better than my ideas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Thanks Gibby, I love the pics! I got a big 8X10 of me and him and even people at the copy store sd OH WHAT A NICE LOOKING COUPLE... that we were... maybe I will scan it in one day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anyway, feeling a bit better tonight. I even copied some extra family happy pics and they are now up in my house... it makes me remember happy times too! I need that right now.

Thanks again for the support.

I went to alanon tonight, more good support.

Congrats on being the strong sober man you are Gibby- I know it is quite a monster to overcome.

Thanks for helping me with this battle.

Your family is so lucky.

Hugs, H