I've been reading and learning from this site for 3 months. And am very thankful for having found it. I discovered my H's A in mid September and have done my very best to show him what he has and would lose if he chose to continue w/MOW (she has 2 small children). I have been kind and supportive, through MC have understood what problems existing in the M prior to the A and have been working on improving myself. I re-discovered that I am very strong. My house is beautifully decorated for the holidays and I was really looking forward to a Christmas that was as normal as is currently possible w/my H's family and my step daughters (14yrs and 15yrs) from his previous marriage). I have been married for 8 yrs and in the girl's lives for 10yrs.

I have only discussed H's A with a couple close friends and my family (out of state) so that we could work on our M and move forward w/out any stigma for him. We go to MC every Monday. I discovered an email on Wed (3 months to the day of my original D-Day) showing that, not only had he resumed contact w/MOW, but was making plans w/her for them to leave their marriages after the holidays. I called him on his cell (he was shopping for my Christmas gifts) and told him to come home, get his stuff and leave. He did this.

I called the OW's H and convinced him that his W was indeed invoved w/my H. As it turns out, I didn't even have to tell him my H's name because he already strongly suspected though she had denied it. I called my H's sister to explain that I would not see them for the holidays and explained why. His family is devistated and it is up to my H to tell his mother before Christmas.

My H is not the man I thought I married and is so deep in his fog that he can not even understand how his selfish, reckless actions will affect the lives of 4 children (2 - his; 2-hers); 2 spouses and everyone's entire family. All that matters is being with her. We have a MC session on Monday to discuss how to tell the children (who already went thru their parent's divorce 11 yrs ago) that we are separating.

I would have a much stronger foundation if my job had not ended last week. I am highly skilled and have no doubt that I will find another assignment or job, but the job market is not great and I will not have income coming in for a while. It, obviously, is scarey.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Only have a minute. Headed out to catch a plane. I will pray for you :-)

Zoey

2Success --

I feel so badly for you...one thing piled on top of another and all occurring at this emotional time of the year. How can I help? What do you need to help you get through this?

You've taken some very strong, protective, and decisive steps for yourself; obviously not rolling over and playing dead. You also have a immensely reassuring grasp of the total picture, even to the extent of seeing how far-reaching H's poor choices are, adversely affecting virtually everything and everyone--even H (although he doesn't see that either).

I'm so sorry about your job--another element in the mix for you. While that part will probably work out OK for you, it is scary to be without a job and income, even for a brief period.

Just a thought: your H may not in fact be the man you thought you'd married, but it is far more likely that his judgement, value system, behaviors, and thoughts are warped and obscured by The Fog and his totally self-centered choices. As you said, "All that matters is being with her." = a terribly sad commentary on his life and of course yours by extension.

I'm very sorry that you're going through this mess. Post again anytime, at least keep us updated on your thoughts and on you; we're here for you.

Ammon