I am the wife, the BS, and my husband did physcially hurt me during an altercation about a safedeposit key. He doesn't take responsibility for this action, and that hurts too. His actions caused severe injury to my rotator cuff, which I had to have surgery late in October. He is the one who had the affair, and all. For me, being the BS, I am having a hard time moving ahead. Knowing now, I see my WH (lives out of our house), going to the gym, able to shop, able to sleep without pain, able to do anything he wants. I have my thrills in life by going to physical therapy 3/week, and massomassology 1/week. I see a Dr. every 6 weeks, and now starting in with another Dr. for cervical and spinal injury. Also, severe whiplash was diagnosed.

My depression is very strong. I feel so lost so unworthy to live. I went with my husband and 2 of our kids (older) to the mall. Didn't realize that doing the mall thing would cause so much pain. I felt miserable, and so like wanting to just quit. We went to the movies, and saw Two Towers, I ended up standing against the wall, watching the Movie, cause sitting in the chair was so uncomfortable. By the time we went home, I was ready to cry, but said, no I am not going to cry in front of my husband. He did try to massage the area, cause it was spasming. Anyways he left, and I took my drugs, and went to sleep got up about an hour later, and was dizzy. Afraid to get out of bed, I cried. Going to sleep and getting up 3 times, and finally got up to the alarm for church. Decided I can't drive to church, and still somewhat dizzy. I asked my son to help me with my traction for my neck, needs 2 people to do this. And stayed in the traction for 20 minutes. No one comes to see how I am doing, so I try to make a lot of noise, and we figured I need to get a bell. Can't talk with this thing on.

The traction helped, and I took a spasm pill. Went back to bed and got up late. Around 11:30. Anyways, hsuband doesn't ask how I am doing, talk to me or nothing. I finally talked to him tonight, and told him what a crappy night I had. I am all by myself. When he had problems with his feet, I was there for him. Is he here for me, NO, NO!!! You know, this is crap, and I realize, I have been the giver all these years, and he doesn't give a crap about me. Heck I could of died in bed last night, and he wouldn't of known. Probably he would be happy. I am tired of doing this all by myself, and that my friends is why I can't move on. The depression is so strong, and the will to live seems to be zero. My kids don't care about me. When we went to the mall yesterday, dad buys this and that. I haven't taken them to the mall, cause I don't have the excess money. Just what he thinks he gives me will be sufficient. I would love to see him try to live on my support. That would be a joke. The kids see all the computer stuff he buys, he buys things and doesn't flinch one muscle on how much money he is spending.

We were in a luggage store that is going out of business. He is asking questions about luggage, and looking. I asked him, you are going to buy luggage, he said, yes, he will, I said you plan on going somewhere, he said sometime. I can't even think of a vacation, I can't even think of going anywhere.

First, I have to get better, but is he here to help me? NO! He goes to his hovel, and doesn't have to think about me. Does he ever say to himself, I will be there for my wife cause I love her and committed to vows, Till death do us part, in SICKNESS and in health, I caused this injury, and the pain she is in was caused by the injury. He doesn't even call to see how I was doing today, after yesterdya. You know, that hurts, and that is one place the wayward spouse doesn't see how it hurts severely. He lives a life and is able to joke, do whatever he wants. I don't even go shopping to the mall, cause one of money, and of the pain I am in.

So the depression is strong, and the will to live is zero. No one cares if I am alive or dead. Husband doesn't care about me, just does what he absolutely has to, and then he even gets grouchy when I have to get pain meds refilled, $$$$$. He didn't reinstate our insurance, so this has to come out of the pocket.

All I know is my will to live in nothing. My husband doesn't love me, doesn't care about me. He is better off with me dead, then that way he won't have to pay me any support. He doesn't want me in his life, doesn't want to be intimate with me, doesn't want to take care of me, doesn't want to fill my prescriptions, doesn't want to make sure I have support the rest of my life (he cancelled the life insurance that I paid for this summer - so he has no life insurance), doesn't care about looking after my vehicle, I am left with the kids living with me, I am left with all the animals living with me. You know he has it really easy. He lives by himself, the place is not tidy, which is okay with him. He doesn't have to tell anyone where he is going, he doesn't have to eat anything that he doesn't want to, or eat what he wants to. He doesn't have to deal with the kids on a daily basis, he doesn't have to deal with a marriage, with a wife who is crying and in pain. He doesn't have to have a family. Just dish out the money and that is it.

Being a BS is unfair. And pain is unfair. I didn't ask for this pain, and I wish my husband would see this pain and act like he really cared and I could live a life. What I am living now, is not worth it. This life I am leading is not worth it. Therefore, your wife is hurting and asking for help. If you don't want to help, say so. I will end the misery.

<small>[ December 23, 2002, 06:50 AM: Message edited by: cry2much ]</small>

I read this thing twice trying to find even one sentence where you were not speaking as "the victim".

Is there another voice you could speak with? A strong, powerful voice? A voice filled with appreciation and gratitude for the good things in life?

Pepper

<small>[ December 22, 2002, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hey ....

I have an idea !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you really want to piss off SNL ... start living every day joyfully and with gusto <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Embrace that love you do have in your life ... and don't look back on things you do not have.

Pepper

<small>[ December 22, 2002, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

cry2much, he wouldn't be living his nice life if that was me. Injury? he'd be in jail here. And no job at all! He is responsible and I do not know what state you are in, but in Ca. he'd be history for the injuries. And be damned the job. I'd put me and kids on welfare and medicaid if need be. This jerk is living scot free? and at your expense? You need your meds for depression certainly. And he can pay for them. Too bad.
Sorry, I'm just angry when I read the way BS get treated. I am a BS, but I also stand up and fight for my rights. No kissing butt for these jerks.
Praying for you. LouLou

His actions caused severe injury to my rotator cuff,
How did he cause it to happen?

I can some days (few) laugh and be smiling. When you experience the pain I have, and not able to move your head from side to side, like the night before, I was dizzy with movement of head, this is when life is not fun. I have had this injury since April 2002. I went to his place of living, which is his mothers house that we were rennovating for her to move in, to get the right key to get into the safedeposit box. The keys were switched from one bank deposit jacket to another. I went to where he lives, and asked for the right key, cause I only had 1/2 hour before the bank was closing. He refused to give me the key, and was pretty angry. I stated this was unfair, and after a few words back and forth, I proceeded to go into the little bedroom where he has his bed and computer and TV. After confrontation, he grabbed my R arm, and turned me around, and dragged me to the door. Police came, sighted me in the wrong, no charges pressed. He is over my weight by quite a bit.

Won't go into details, but that is how it happened.

Getting depressed like this is so unfair. I try to have a happiness inside, the pain I experience is severe. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I have no one to cry to, no one to hold me, no one to be by my side. When he gets grouchy at me for having to fill my pain meds, and anti-depression, (basically because of $$$$), I feel worthless. Why live, when I know this is going to be the reaction I get. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Moving on is hard, with the pain I experience most everyday. Like last night, I took an extra pain pill before bed. Once again, was up twice not as bad as night before. My head is unable to move to the left, but I am not dizzy, which is good. Left shoulder is hard, right shoulder is softer, but left seems to be swollen, and the back is painful.

Hopefully physical therapy will help this morning. Not cheerful, just have to go and get it over with. Physical therapy hurts, and they will say sorry, I know they have to cause pain to heal. But I feel today is going to be a really bad day. Down in the dumps and hating life daybyday.

Wish I could get out of this crappy mood, did very little christmas shopping, don't feel like shopping, and hardly decorated. My poor kids, even though they are older, but I just don't feel up to it. Plus the boys are doing what their dad did while he was here, on the computer all the time, in their rooms. I feel this is a way for them dealing with the divorce, and not facing reality. No one is happy here. I see the boys (16 & 19) having depression. Their mother is depressed, and their father is in a depression. The kids see very little happiness, and this is effecting them. SNL says, divorce doesn't affect older kids. He needs to read about how it affects the older kids. This is hard for them, and they are insecure in their homelife. Our oldest which is 24, and moving back here, got everything. She has such a huge debt to owe us. The kids tell me, she got this & that. Their life is not stable, they don't know what is going to happen. But my husband doesn't see this, he only sees what he wants to. I don't know where I am going to live, but will live in this area so our son (youngest) can complete high school here. He has one more year left. Husband, doesn't see, the pain they are experiencing. They need counseling!

Also, my father died 1 year ago Jan 2. This is coming up, and talking with my mother, cause she talked about how sick he was, the visiting him in the hospital, and the trip coming home in an ambulance to die at home is needed to talk, but not easy to deal with. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> But once again, I am left on my own to deal with this. No holding me, nothing. The year 2002 is such a bad year. So much pain, death, physical pain, and having to deal with it all by myself.

Yes, this is a woe is me. If husband doesn't like me writing this, oh well. Your not here to help me, to hold me, so I need compassion from someone. Too bad, you don't feel any compassion for me. This is the difference between a giver and taker. Break you wall down.

Pepperband,

I realize you think you are trying to help, but that is one of the most callous and cruel responses I have ever read on this board. Cry2much IS the victim. She is in a lot of physical pain. Her husband injured her, not to mention the cruelty he inflicted for months while trying to justify his ongoing affair that he pretended was not ongoing.

Nellie1 ... I am sorry you feel that way. Thanks for your opinion of what I wrote. I always appreciate that. BTW, do you think reaffirming her as "the victim" will help her lift out of her deep depression? Do you disagree that she may want to find within herself a stronger voice ~ a survivor's voice ~ in order to make positive changes in her life?

As always, appreciative of your comments.

Pepper

I'm afraid I must agree wholeheartedly with Pepperband. Hers is one of the most compassionate posts I have ever seen to Thinker on this forum. [compassion is to be found in the TRUTH, *NOT* in saying phony nice words that encourage destructive self pity] Thinker has enough self pity for 20 people and certainly doesnt need any more. What she needs, RATHER, is some positive encouragment on ways to pick herself up and focus on ways to make herself happy instead of always seeking that fulfillment from SNL. That turnip is dry.

SNL is moving on and getting a divorce. He is NOT THERE to provide love and support, so continually looking to SNL to satisfy needs is always going to result in diappointment. It is pure insanity to continue along this path. [making the same mistake over and over again but expecting a different result] Alot of us here really do care about Thinker and because of that, won't enable her self pity party.

All of you, this isn't a woe is me, but yes, I am hurting, physically and emotionally. SNL is moving on just fine. He feels no remorse or guilt for his sexual affair. I believe he feels the injury he caused to me to have surgery, is my fault. Not once has he taken responsibility for his injurying me. It is always, if you would of done this/that. Where is the compassion in a man that destroyed the family, lied to myself and the kids and famly, took money to give to his OW $$$$,$$ of dollars. Where is the compassion of a man that literally injured his wife, to the point of having surgery, (he was there for surgery), and after. When he complains to me about how expensive physical therapy is, about the medications I have to take. Wanting me to cut back on physical therapy, on massomassology, cut back on the drugs. Basically I feel, maybe I am wrong, I had to hear him during his affair, talking to the other woman, her manipulating me on the phone, after she quit talking to him, his depression, then after that his feelings, his lack of wanting to be here with me and kids, all seems to boil down to the wayward spouse got everything they wanted, in the beginning the OP, their ways, their wants, their needs. And to heck with the BS. Kick them in the butt and toss them in the ditch.

Maybe with some WS the BS can feel like a good person. But you did not live in this house. Did not hear my husband and his actions. I am so tired of being criticized by my husband for what is keeping me going today. He is the one who caused the injury, and I am the one suffering. Maybe he should switch roles, and see how he deals with the daily pain. See how he would feel if his spouse ridiculed him for taking drugs, and hearin his spouse complain everytime the medication needed to be filled. I am a good person, but my spouse does not see me as that. Otherwise, why does he do this, why does he take any opportunity to knock me down verbally?

The load I am experiencing is no fun. So to say I feel enough pitty for 20 people, maybe. But put yourself in my shoes. This last counselor I saw, said, the pain I am experiencing is real. He had rotator cuff surgery, and his seemed to be more extensive, but my Dr. was surprised that more damage was done than what he thought after he went in.

Anyways, If you want I will stay off. Just needing some support. As you can see, I have changed some. Depression, rules me most of the day. Just increased the meds, for antidepressants. I felt the need to. The holidays are here, and the one year date of my dad dying coming up quickly. Jan 2. A lot to deal with, and no compassion.

cry2much, you will get compassion here. We should show compassion to everyone.

But... What is the most compassionate thing to do? We can say, "yeah, that sure sucks" and "well, SNL is a real [censored]"... but it doesn't solve your problems.

The only one who can solve your problems is you. Not SNL. SNL has shown his colors well enough. We know about the WS fog, we know about the infliction of pain.

But there comes a day when you need to stand on your own, rise above the WS, and get your "revenge"... "The best revenge is a life well lived."

I know depression is a real force that stands in your way. So keep on the meds, go to therapy, and try to put SNL out of your mind as much as possible. I know it's easier said than done, but if you truly let go, you'll see what I mean. It not only gets easier, it gets better.

Dear, dear C2M,

I know too well the situation you are in. I might be able to help in little ways.

First, I want to say this: I agree with Pepperband's post. From her posts that I've read, it seems very uncharacteristic of Pepperband to just say "get out of victim mode" without offering her wisdom, advice, and encouragement about HOW to start doing that. I can only assume that she has no experience with this type of situation to offer you, but I get the impression that she cares about you and I hope that you get that impression too.

Now, back to living with injury and chronic pain--

Chronic pain can cause depression. There are certain anitdepressants that have been found to help SPECIFICALLY with depression that is due to chronic pain. Are you on one of these? Ask your doctor, and if he doesn't know then find a psychiatrist who does. Depression can make the healing process go slower than it will already go.

Dear, dear C2M--I hope that it was nothing more than a down day when you posted this. Did you feel your burden get a little easier to deal with afterward? If you did, good!! That's what a pity party is supposed to do (I throw myself some pretty good ones when I need to) and then it's time to get back to business with a NEW GUSTO! that wasn't possible without a tiny break for a pity party.

If your burden did not get easier to bear after your post, or if your burden seemed heavier after your post, then you must AVOID pity parties for a while. One way to do this is that when you find yourself slipping into an unplanned pity party (it starts with attitude and then moves into thoughts) stop by telling yourself that you deserve a pity party but it's not good for your healing and better life to indulge in one now--instead I will do x, y, and z (maybe add--and snl can JUST STUFF IT lol).

What's done is done, C2M. The only thing that really matters right now is what can be done now. I know that snl acting his normal self hurts you very much. He is not going to change--so it will have to be you who changes if you are to have a better today, tomorrow, and future. I want you to consider making this change--be HAPPY for snl whenever he buys something for himself or for one of the kids, and at the same time be GRATEFUL that you are developing your selfesteem in better and more lasting ways than with money.

What are your Christmas plans with your kids? I am looking forward to playing board games, card games, and/or computer games with mine--I'm even looking forward to the inevitable arguments and the negotiating over which games we will play LOL Those couple hours are what makes my Christmas every year. It will be interesting to see how much coaxing one of my kids will need (he's at the age where he would rather be with his friends instead of his family)--hmmmmm, maybe I will negotiate trading time for games and time with his friends?

Take care C2M

P.S. You might want to consider seeing an attorney about the possibility of filing a civil lawsuit against snl for the injury.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cry2much:
<strong>

The load I am experiencing is no fun. So to say I feel enough pitty for 20 people, maybe. But put yourself in my shoes. This last counselor I saw, said, the pain I am experiencing is real. .</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thinker,

Noone wants you stay off the forum. But I, for one, am not going to join your pity party. Yes, we all know SNL has done wrong, but continually focusing on these grievances will not change him nor will they change the situation. And continually focusing on it only serves to bring you down even more. You have to accept that you will not get your needs met by SNL. He will not behave in the manner you expect. It is futile to carry on about what is NOT instead of accepting what IS. And what IS, is that SNL is getting a divorce and moving on so it is futile to continue to castigate him for being something he is not.

I hope you read YetAgain's and JR's post carefully, because they had some excellent suggestions for alleviating your pain.

And no, I have not felt the pain of a torn rotator cup. But I have felt pain. In May of 1999, my husband of 20 years abruptly left me for another woman. A few months later, on October 9, 1999, our 18 year old son was killed in a car accident. Do you know what it feels like to see your child in a coffin? My entire family was wiped out in one year. So I have felt a little pain myself.

<small>[ December 23, 2002, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Thinker,

I hold on to things too long also, so I *do* understand... but you MUST, for your SANITY... LISTEN to what Pepper (and the others) are saying...

This whole site is filled with people who's spouses cheated, and some (sadly) who's spouses got abusive. Be GLAD you got away from the man who HURT YOU.

I do NOT condone violence of ANY kind, but if this is the way you comminicated with him, I can only imagine the kind of torment the entire household was under... I do NOT say this in judgement, because as I say, I tend to hold on to things myself... I say it for both of us (different reasons)... because this is the kind of thing that is the makings of a stroke or heart attack - you can't be THIS angry and stressed forever - it'll kill you.

Try to enjoy your Christmas with the children Thinker - and I'm so sorry that the anniversary of your dad's death is so close to the holidays, but try to remember the good about him and celebrate his life - don't you think he would have wanted that for you?

God Bless...

Pepperband,

Do you think it is helpful to advise a suicidal person to just get on with life? Do you actually think that is even possible for cry2much to simply will herself to do that?

It seems on this board that certain people get a lot of support, no matter how badly they screw up or how much they complain, and others, including cry2much, are constantly criticized because they aren't "recovering" fast enough to meet someone else's agenda. I have been continually horrified at the treatment she and a few other posters have received on this board. SNL spent months torturing her with his cruel ramblings on this board, not to mention the physical pain he has inflicted on her. I agree with YetAgain that cry2much should consult an attorney about filing a civil suit against him. SNL is not "moving on" - he has abandoned his family, he has abused his wife, he made it perfectly clear that he did not give a d*** about his children (e.g. frequently claiming they were all grown, although his youngest was only 15 at the time). In my opinion, he should be in jail. At a minimum, he should be required to pay enough in damages and in spousal and child support that cry2much does not have to worry about paying the bills ever again.

Perhaps it is because it is so obvious in many cases that the BS, especially when she, as in this case, is female, no longer young, and unable to work, ends up royally scr**ed while the WS goes on his merry way, getting everything he wanted. We want to believe that "what goes around comes around" and that somehow the BS will end up ok in the end - but it doesn't always happen that way. It is much easier to blame the victim that to realize that sometimes it is not possible for the BS to just "move on." Personally, I would like to see more responses from women over 50, alone, disabled and in severe financial straits.

Nellie1 ... I am 53 years old.

In my work, I deal with depressed people all the time.

Thank you for your reply.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I had said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Personally, I would like to see more responses from women over 50, alone, disabled and in severe financial straits.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I rather doubt that one out of four quite qualifies a person to identify with cry2much's situation.
I can only imagine what it must be like to live with extreme pain everyday, though I do have some indirect experience, as my father suffered from severe rheumatoid arthritis throughout his adult life.

I have some experience working with students who were bipolar. Telling someone who is severely depressed to "find their survivor's voice" or similar psychobabble just doesn't cut it.

Nellie - yes for a woman of my age, 52 to move on and get a life is not easy. A man of 52 can get on with his life. SNL, has a good trade, makes good money, and will have a job anywhere there is a need for furnaces and airconditioning. I know how much money he can make, I have been doing the books for over 10years without pay. While he was in his affair, the jobs coming in were less. And after she called it off, he did the woe is me, sat at the computer and as a lot of you know, typed for hours after hours here. Our income was quite low.

This is why he can buy and not be concerned about money. I have only what he has to give me. He complains that he is giving me X amount of money, I am feeding 3 older kids on 1 child support. We have 4 dogs, which 2 are the ones SNL wanted. We have 4 cats, and 1 bird amazon which SNL wanted. I found a home for her, that she could of gone on a trial basis. But SNL said no, but this bird is here, and I take care of it.

Now when the youngest is 18, only 1 1/4 more years to go, the money I receive from him will be quite a bit less. And he has specified that he only wants to give me alimony for 2 years. He expects me to get a job, anywhere. He even suggested Meijers as a greeter. I have a disability, and now the injury has caused a severe shoulder pain.

I am an older woman, educated as a LPN, not able to life from arm surgery working as an LPN, 10# limit of weight. This is what I am to expect, trying to survive on alimony.

I didn't know about the civil action I could take. Will have to talk to my lawyer. I have been following my lawyer, and done what he has said. Cause I really don't have any idea on what a divorce is like. All I know, is I hate it, SNL has used verbal abuse against me about my lawyers, used my kids against me, and is still using the kids against me a little.

All I know, is if he had given us a real chance, we could of made this marriage work. But he didn't want to, and so therefore, I am screwed big time. To talk to him, he is so calloused to me. Doesn't seem to have compassion to his wife, the injury he doesn't seem to have compassion either. I can't talk to him, without disrespectful comments. I guess he sees me as a wicked person, I am just trying to survive everyday, and some days are basically so hard to live, and some days are just okay. I have not had a great day yet.

I will also talk to my Dr. about changing anti-depressants, maybe there is something for the depression I am in and the pain depression I am in.

SNL needs medication for his depression. But he is the type that everyone else needs it except him. So all I can say, is I am trying, but when I have days like Sunday, to heck with living, death is welcoming. I have a high tolerance for pain, I don't act out of pain, unless it is pretty severe. Giving birth to 4 kids, and 1 miscarriage, I would like to see SNL try bearing the delivery of a baby. He wouldn't beable to sit there and say, it is not that bad.

As for Christmas, tomorrow, I will go to christmas eve service. Don't know if the kids will go, but they are welcome. There are a few gifts to wrap, I went out shopping with my oldest daughter and youngest son, we talked, and had a good time. My youngest son carried packages, and I didn't even carry a purse. I had pants with a big pocket, with velcro flap. So that was my purse. Made walking and shopping easier. But now I am finding my neck is sore again, and back is starting to throb.

Didn't buy much, just not in the mood. So the presents will be very few. Of course, I told the kids that I don't have that much money. They go shopping with dad, and it is different. Dad can buy and buy, but with mom, they can't.

Tomorrow, I go to therapy in the morning. Come home and start making stuff for dinner at my mothers. Guess there will be a few more people, with the grandkids bringing their girl/boyfriends. Then I go to moms and help make the city chicken for christmas day. Christmas day, will have motherinlaw over to open gifts, and then she is off for the day to a friends house. We go to my mothers for christmas. No gifts exchanging this year. Financially, I can't do it. So my sisterinlaw suggested that we cancel gift exchanging this year. I was glad.

We are to bring games to play, and that is what we will do, eat dinner, and play games. Quite different this year, but will be okay, and hopefully I won't cry. Crying comes so easy.

Thanks for listening to me, and all I want is support. Hey if it sounds like woe is me, tell me and I will try to do better. SNL did hours & hours, complaining about me, how he didn't love me, how he loved the other woman, how he didn't care about the kids. But you all listened to him, and he did this for months and months, plus 4-6 hours per day. I know he is intellecutally more stimulating, and maybe that is why he was accepted.

<small>[ December 23, 2002, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: cry2much ]</small>

Cry2much,

I had a serious back injury and was on pain meds 2 yrs, along with injections, and p.t. etc. and gaining wt,. and depression to go along with not being able to do the things I normally did.

It will get better. I know it is especially hard when you are not your normal self, and on meds and in pain... I know- and people still don't understand the pain I was in.

I am not a wimpy person and suspect you aren't either.

Turn to your faith and your friends.

I too have been harshly posted to here, and know how it feels when you are down and just want a little support, not a kick.. in the pants.

Yes, sometimes a kick helps, but sometimes when in serious pain, one needs friendship , a helping hand and support. This board is for support mainly in my humble opinion. I am sure the tougher love approach can help too, and I am sure you do want to pick yourself up, just aren't feeling like it right now.

It is my feeling that the tougher posts to you here are meant to help, please don't let them hurt you, as sometimes the harshness in moments of pain has hurt me more.

Take care of you. I pray you are a strong of faith and that can help you, this has saved me.

Go to church or get out your bible. Pray. God is there for you, life can change and get better.

You can do it. Even if it is one minute at a time.

I know the pain of being a single mom and being in financial stress due to a irresponsible h. We must face that our husbands are not who we believed them to be, or thought they always would be.

HEY, one idea... as for that life insurance on snl. the attorneys can require it , that he carry it, to protect you and the kids... for reasonable terms...

I do think legal action might be a good idea, but honestly don't know where you are in the process.... even if it is just for legal support, health coverage and insurance, or college for the kids, or life insurance.. take control where you can cry2much.

Email me if you like, I might not be much help but can be a friend... lisaannsmail@yahoo.com

Hugs to you in your hard times, HOney

Nellie,

You mentioned that C2M is a suicidal. Do you know this or are you guessing?

C2M--If you are suicidal, please call your doctor. These suicidal feelings will pass--if you give it a little time and do a few things while you are feeling suicidal.

Another thing, the pain meds could be contributing in a big way to your feeling suicidal. You may have to consider going off of the pain meds. I know from experience how much that would suck--but it was better than the alternative (I could not take the antidepressants due to severe side effects--I'm still a little miffed about that lol).

C2M--If you are indeed feeling suicidal, limit your contact with snl--zero contact would probably be best right now and for a few weeks.

I know it sucks really bad for you right now, but please believe me when I tell you that it CAN get a LOT better. You would be surprised at the little things you can start doing now that WILL make it a little better now and WILL get you closer to a WAY BETTER future! And there are people on this board who will support you while you do that.

Take care C2M.

P.S. How about a name change for the new year? Can we hold a New Name For C2M Contest with the forum members? You can pick the winner!