I saw in another topic information about serial cheaters, and need some advice. I had an A with one, but I found out he was not only cheating with me, he was involved with a couple others MW as well, so he was busy cheating on everyone involved - all at the same time.

One of his favorite lines, "this is what I do" should have had me running from the start, but I was too stupid. Plus,my marriage wasn't that good to begin with, and I thought he would provide some excitement. I was so stupid. I ended up leaving my H, not for the OM, but because I knew it was the right thing to do.

One day I saw the OM with someone else, and questioned him, and he said, "she's just a friend taking me to lunch for my birthday." Which I know for sure happened to be a private, sex for lunch, event.

When I asked about that, he said that was one of the benefits of "friendships." And I thought, well this is what I get, getting involved with a person like this. And I became angry and even more suspicious and I found out who "she" was.

I then looked at her electronic calendar (we work in the same location) to see what she was up to. She found out and called me to find out why I was looking at her calendar, but I didn't answer the phone. Then he called me and yelled at me for getting involved, wanted to know how I got her name, and then said that I destroyed our friendship by getting involved in something that wasn't my business. And he hasn't spoken to me since. She too is married.

Basically I was too stupid to walk away when I realized what he was, and I did something like look at a calendar, and I destroyed the friendship? This whole thing makes me angry.

I know about a couple of the others he is also seeing, and my guess is no one knows about anyone else. His wife though knows about the one that I saw him with and supposedly she is thinking of leaving him now. Funny thing here is that his current W is one of the women he cheated on his first W with and got caught.

It's a big, big mess. Now I find myself so hurt, and feel so stupid. And I'm sorry for getting involved in this in the first place. I'm also not sure if I should confess to my soon to be X-H for what I did or not? Even though it doesn't make a difference because we are still getting a D. And the one I caught him also with has me obsessed, and I can't seem to get him out of my mind either. I know I am so stupid - and feel like I got what deserved. I'm not sure what to do, there is also the problem that I have to see him at work occasionally??? Blast away.. I know I deserve it.

nyblonde,

I am not sure what you are asking since you know exactly what to do and know exactly what you have done wrong. You know you need to stay away from the OM and you know it was more than dumb to expect him to change his filandering ways. He is just a user and I'm sure you don't need me to point that out.

As far as telling your soon to be ex, WHY? What purpose does that serve if you are getting a divorce? If there is any chance of saving your marriage, I would certainly tell him tho.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nyblonde:
<strong> ... It's a big, big mess. Now I find myself so hurt, and feel so stupid. And I'm sorry for getting involved in this in the first place. I'm also not sure if I should confess to my soon to be X-H for what I did or not? Even though it doesn't make a difference because we are still getting a D. And the one I caught him also with has me obsessed, and I can't seem to get him out of my mind either. I know I am so stupid - and feel like I got what deserved. I'm not sure what to do, there is also the problem that I have to see him at work occasionally??? Blast away.. I know I deserve it.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not going to adrress your OM, it is not worth my time. But you is diferrent. Statiscally, only 5% of A end in M and as you konow half of it end in Dv again minus unhappy M ... you have no chance of happiness in this A. If you don't know what to do no one will. You have to sit down and think hard what do you want to do ?. You know what is correct thing to do and incorrect thing not to do.

Even your M ends in Dv, you should fess up and appologize to your H. It is not for him nly but mostly for you. You know that even Dv is signed by both of you as long as both of you willing, you might get a djudge to cancelled it.

IT IS NOT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO FIX THIS. You can't undone this mess but you could learn from it ...

Good Luck -rh-