Okay, well just to update my info at bottom of screen. WS moved out again on 12/7/02 after I confronted him with email to OW. Basically said he has decided to leave after the new year, saving money for divorce, blah, blah, blah. He has been out since then and has asked for time to think about his thoughts and feelings. Spoke after a week and he said he was not ready to talk because he still didn't know what the right thing to do is. However, he did state that he has identified his "issues" and is trying to deal with them. Doesn't want to talk about it yet, because he doesn't want to give me false hope. Contact with OW has stopped (military order given by his commander, his job is pretty much hanging by a thread because of his actions, long story military beauracracy, sp?). Asked for more time, then a few days later emailed me and wanted to schedule and joint session with counselors to resolve situation, because of military regs he has to move back in with me in about 2 weeks. He has only been authorized to be out of quarters for 30 days. I responded to his email politely but asked what he wanted accomplished during this session. Told him it was only fair to me so that I could prepare myself emotionally ( truely afraid he was bringing me there to announce D). He replied that he just wanted to open the lines of communication before he showed up at the door with bags in his hand. Said, that if it doesn't come up in the session, he will not initiate his feelings about us being seperated. He also says seperated, never says wanting a divorce. Still trying to figure this one out. In my opinion, I'm so tired of his bulls...t that I feel that when he comes home we will be roommates and that is it. He can sleep in the second bedroom, I will move the computer in the living room. I will clean after myself, cook for myself, and do my laundry. Pretty do as I please without regard to him. If he decides to work on this M, then he needs to show some effort before I put effort back into it again. He said that by him moving back in, it will allow me to leave on my terms. Whatever that means, because he HAS to move back in says the military and I don't HAVE to go anywhere until a D decree is finalized. I should also mention that he has contacted an attorney a few months back, but has never filed papers. Any advice greatly appreciated. I love my H very much, and I've learned that he has some serious issues within himself that he has to deal with before we can deal with the M. I'm willing to give him the time he needs. But, I don't feel that I should be dragged to rock bottom with him. Responses PLEASE!! Oh, and Merry Christmas to all. For many of us on here, this is a tough time. But, stay strong, do what you need to do for you to get through the days. After all,it's only 2 days of the year. Try to be positive! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ac - you're not gonna like what I say, so stop reading right now if you have thin skin.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ac6231:
<strong>In my opinion, I'm so tired of his bulls...t that I feel that when he comes home we will be roommates and that is it. He can sleep in the second bedroom, I will move the computer in the living room. I will clean after myself, cook for myself, and do my laundry. Pretty do as I please without regard to him. If he decides to work on this M, then he needs to show some effort before I put effort back into it again.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This attitude will get you no where fast.

Don't get me wrong - your anger and attitude are very much justified. You are RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT and he is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!

But here's the the best question that exists on this forum:

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?

By all means, if you don't care one way or the other whether you save your marriage, let your emotions dictate your actions. On the other hand, if you really want to save your marriage, re-read every thing about Plan A you can and do it.

This does not mean you don't have to set boundaries. But you DO have to convince your H that a marriage is worth working for. With this in mind, ask yourself how you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed.

WAT, yep you're right. I know that's not what I'm supposed to do. But, sometimes I get so angry. But, when it comes down to it, yes I do want to married and married to my H. I feel like a pancake alot here lately. My emotions flip flop to not caring at all, to being so scared of losing him. I guess that's normal given the rollercoaster I've been on the last few months. Thanks for the reply. Sometimes I need people like you to smack in the face and show me the actions of the things I say. Thanks and Merry Christmas.