Question for all...

My W said she filled out the EN questionnaire as I asked her to do. She claims it is pathetic that I should see how I did, that I couldn't fill her needs.

My question is, being that she is deep in the fog with the OM, could this fog be tainting her responses? I cannot believe I did that bad. How can a woman put up with 9 yrs of marriage if I did not fulfill her EN's at all? I filled it out myself as if I was her and I can see where I was deficient, but not the extent that she puts it.

In answer to your question- I have been in my marriage for 22 years. If I were to fill out the EN questionairre today- my husband too would fail in at least 7 of my 10 most important. How do you say can this be?

Because I tolerated and accepted for years, I had no idea what was "wrong" with me, why I had expectations that were obviously so "ridiculous" according to my H. I basically became a doormat for him saying "I will put up with anything EXCEPT an affair- well guess what- he did that too. Now, not only do we have the affair to deal with but we have all the leftover garbage (a relationship void of needs being fulfilled) to deal with.

Is it possible after 9 years- unfortunately- yes. But that does not mean it's a no win situation- it simply shows you how she "feels" please don't invalidate her questionairre because "surely I couldn't have been that bad" In reality, who knows- but more importantly in her eyes it is important.

UC, Me and the WS took the EN and LB questionare 1 week before D-day, he thought we did terrible, but in reality we didn't, it was just how he viewed it because some of the things were different based on his job and school schedule and time factors. The ones that we had problems with were the ones I had been trying to discuss with him at various times that he seemed to just not "get", and did not feel were necessary in understanding because he felt that the relationship could be put on hold or sacfraficed while he was in school and working. Then after D-day, throws it up to me as "we just are not compatible". I guess doing the questionares was a waste of time for him considering where he was heading and probably had been for awhile, he knew I noticed the distance and withdrawal, but when I discussed it with him, it was all about his schedule and pressure and doing it all for future.