This is from the Al-Anon magazine, the Forum.
Take out the words "Al-Anon" and insert Plan A. Just remember that dealing with a spouse's addiction to alcohol isn't really much different than dealing with a spouse's addiction to an OP.
Why Me?One morning about eleven years ago my mother called me on the telephone. Desperate and slurring her words she told me that my stepfather (in a blackout) had tried to kill her with a butcher knife the night before. She wanted my advice. She and my 16 year old sister were terrified, but for my mother leaving was not an option. This crisis was not my mothers bottom nor my stepfather's but it was mine. I couldn't take it anymore. I went to Alanon.
In the early years I was resentful. Why did I have to spend time in all these church basements? Why was I the one who had to change: They were the problem. If only they were normal. If only they would stop drinking. If only they would change.
As time went on, these feelings did not exactly
go away. I simply became so absorbed in my own recovery, that they receded into the background. From time to time the WHY ME'S would surface. when I was feeling the pain, the fear, the rage and the sadness of a lifetime, I asked WHY ME.
When everyone in my family was looking good on the outside and I was unable to work, spending my days crying, sleeping and going to two or three meetings, I asked WHY ME.
When I would receive tremendous disapproval for being the first in a situation to break the rules-- never say no to holidays visits-- I would ask WHY ME. Then later when I would see that my example had paved the way for others to do the same with little or no disapproval, I asked WHY ME> It was at one of those junctures that I complained at a meeting. Whey couldn't someone else suffer the pains of paving the way? WHY ME?
A brave and forthright woman responded to me, "Why not you? God had to start with someone and shy shouldn't it be you? Aren't you the one who is benefiting the most from how you are changing. Family members benefit indirectly from our being in Al-anon but we receive direct benefits that they do not--the gift of the fellowship, of meetings, of sponsorship, of powerful tools and principles for living . We are not just asked to pave the way, we are given the support to do so. And as if that we not enough, we are then showered with bonus rewards , more precious than gold--rewards of peace, love and understanding."
It was a spiritual awakening for me that day. The WHY ME'S have been completely transformed. Today when I ask WHY ME, it is with awe, reverence and deep gratitude.
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There's alot of anger and self-pity going on these boards this week - understandable during the holidays. Just remember, "this too shall pass".
The answers to peace, joy and serenity are inside of you, not inside your spouses - whether or not you are in recovery.
Look around you. What do you have to be grateful for?
I for one am grateful for my 3 beautiful, loving children. Their love and their gifts are the most precious items in my life.
I am grateful for my health!!! 2 weeks ago, I was bracing myself for a diagnosis of diabetes, and to be put on blood pressure and cholesterol medication. Thanks to Atkins, I went home with good news - perfect sugar, much lower cholesterol and lower blood pressure.
I am so very thankful for Marriage Builders - especially for Dr. Harley whose articles inspired me to seek further help from Steve Harley. Both men helped me through the worst time of my life. Of course, I am grateful for all of you too - who have become almost like a little internet family <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I am very grateful for my Al-Anon sponsor, and for the people in my life who have shown up every single time I've needed someone to help me or love me when I was incapable.
I am grateful for my inlaws, who drive me crazy, but who have proven that when it comes to the test, blood doesn't have to be thicker than water.
I am very grateful for my husband. What a difference 18 months makes. 18 months ago, I was convinced it was OVER. Today, I am loved by a man who I am proud to call my husband.
I am very grateful for my job! 10 months ago I was staring at a very scary prospect: my husband could not find work, and his severance had run out. The answer we POJA'd was MY hitting the pavement after 10 years as a stay at home mom working for herself as a freelance web developer. Today, I have a great job with fantastic benefits, lots of career development prospects - AND - I've been asked to take over as lead designer for a very hot start up company to develop their point of sale application. I have more work than I know what to do with!
I am so very grateful for the college that just accepted me and granted me 40% of my credits to my BS because of my extensive self-taught/trained work at home <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I am grateful for my wonderful friends who put up with my flakey never-pick-up-the-phoneness and who still love me anyway.
I am so very grateful for my siblings, who call me, who love me, and stay involved in my life, even when their own lives are crazy with jobs and spouses and children...lots of children! (I'm up to 13 nieces and nephews, and there's NO end in sight!)
I am grateful to the police department of my town - who were immediately on the scene to care for my son and to contact me when he was in a minor incident and needed medical care.
I am grateful, most very grateful, for the wealth of health, science, and techology that gives us in the Western world such a high quality of life.
I am grateful to be living in the BEST country in the entire world <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I am even grateful for the very cool fireplace guy who went out of his way to come over today (on Christmas Eve!) even though he had 203840923840923 other calls to make, to fix my stove so I had a nice cozy fire for Christmas!
Oh yeah, I am grateful for Emeril (you know, the cook guy on TV) because he inspires my already talented husband in the kitchen and this of course leaves me off the hook on Christmas day! (leg of lamb and fresh ham, YUM)
And I'm sure I could come up with a dozen more things but I'm sleepy. Santa has done his job upstairs - my little Boogie is sleeping with dreams of sugar plums dancing in her head!
OH.
I am grateful for the internet. How did we manage before it existed? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Have a blessed Christmas folks!
