|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790 |
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ December 26, 2002, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 52
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 52 |
F2BM,
Hello, I read your post and I am so sorry for your pain. It is probably better if you do not contact the OW because more likely than not, she doesn't care about the pain you are going through. She may even delight in your pain. I would not give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she has effected you or your life. By calling her names, slinging insults, and "preaching" to her, it probably makes her think you are childish or needy. I know it made you feel better to write that, but perhaps next time you feel the urge to contact her, write what you are feeling down but do't send it. You said your husband had 2 other OWs before this one. Hun, this woman is NOT the issue in your marriage. There was something deeper that needed to be addressed. Your issues are with your husband, not the OW. My FWH is in the military as well, and I do know that if you have proof of the affair, then you can prove a violation of the UCMJ and get her busted. But on the down side to that, if your H is in the military as well, you can't get her in trouble without getting him in trouble. A loss of Rank would mean less income for your family. Hugs to you.
NC4U
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790 |
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ December 26, 2002, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 52
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 52 |
F2BM, I can understand your pain. I know the pain of betrayal well! I can't believe all they got was counseled and then she got promoted! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I guess they aren't MPs? I know every unit is different and every commander has priorities to what they think is a big deal but geez! My H is an E-6 and a squad leader. One of his team leaders(E-5) had an A with a team member (E-3) and when they were discovered the E-5 was reduced to E-1 and chaptered out of the military and given a general discharge. I know they tend to be harder on MPs but good grief! All they got were counseled?? Anyway, I read some more of your posts and I saw that you are moving on with a nice male friend that makes you happy. Good for you. Someone once said "The best revenge is living well". That is so true. I hope you had a wonderful holiday and you and your boys are doing well. NC4U
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790 |
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ December 26, 2002, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 185
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 185 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Think of the bother it is for me to end my marriage to the one man I cherished, fought for, prayed for and stood beside. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Obviously he's not a bother enough, I can see that! If you are such a God fearing woman, why won't you fight for the man you cherished...YOU found greener grass perhaps and think Life with another BW is so wonderful...He's a sweetheart, I'm sure! God have mercy on me for this moment of out of body! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you have salvaged that friendship </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While walking, it occurred to me that you have MY PW at work! Not anymore! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> think about the bother it was for me to look 4 boys in the eye and tell them they would once again experience a divorce divorce </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You NEVER looked into my boys eyes and said this! Don't LIE! Christ have mercy for my anger! <><
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790 |
Catch22222/RACA, I sent a final email to OW telling her I was wrong for sending the email to her. I CCd you so you know I said nothing mean or derogatory! This is Free2BMe/Lady K saying... SO LONG!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 844
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 844 |
Free, please don't. Whether or not your STBX calls himself Raca, don't you do it. For your own sake, don't go that road.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733 |
Free, I always left behind from fast moving board and miss the whole thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . My Dv is finalized effective 12/31/02. My WW still tries to hurt me. Just last week she brought OM to my 2D skating rink's Christmas potluck. I got hurt but I didn't go to her level at all. I told OM to leave and he verbally insult me. I walked out from it and get the rink manager to kick him out. Club rule states that only family members are allowed and he is not. They have to stay outside the whole time until my 2D finish their practice. I almost lost it, I could kill that SOB with my bare hand ... just give me 2 minutes w/ him alone would send him 6 foot under. I did not do it, I rather be able to go to my 2 D practice than going down to their level. This is what I learn specially when WS is continuesly slapping A in your face, MB or not MB ... this is my 2¢. WS/OP is trying to prove something, prove that their way is correct and we have to bow before them. You know what, I have learned that revenge is not mine but it doesn't mean that I have to bow before them. My definition of revenge ... For me to find better SO that will cherish and care what I have to offer them. For me to find better SO to help me to raise my 2 D than her. For me to live life and shine and be better man than she ever remembers me. For me to refuse the hurt and turn it to fuel my inner strength to live to love and to learn and to move on. -rh-
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,790 |
Hi RH, Nice to hear from you again, yet I'm sorry for your pain. I'm done with the childish games... it's just not who I am. I do understand that revenge is not mine, but I still think it will make me feel better. Thanks for popping in! JSO, my WH kiddingly called me RACA and he even changed his screen name here from catch22222 to RACA for about a day. So I'm not throwing stones there. Thank you for your response. I need to control my emotions better and not react in such ways. I did send the final email to OW. She will never understand the pain of infidelity as all she has in her life is a dog. She has always gone for MM. She thinks I should just get over it since her and WH ended things on their own. That really gulls me! ~ sigh ~ WH thinks I'm unrighteous (his words to me). WH thinks I'm at fault now because I want this divorce. I just can never trust him with all that he's down. He's the one who created this mess yet he's going to try and turn it on me. I'm done!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733 |
Free,
I know how you feel. 4 more days I am legally done with her ... IMHO, you should put NC w/ your WH 'till sometime after your anger subsided. Don't even hear it from no one about their news. It works great for me, I don't even want to stop NC. This will be my plan C.
WH will tried to sabotage any happiness that you could gain since it will invalidate their A. Find better man and find better happiness than your WS and don't ever you dare to look back.
-rh-
<small>[ December 27, 2002, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 185
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 185 |
Au Contraire, rh-
You underestimate me as a Christian MAN! Don't think I won't acknowledge W's request for NC, as I love her too much to not do as she says!
Her happiness, joy adn peace the remainder of her days IS ALL I petition the Lord for!
Perhaps your situation is different and painful enough to project onto another WW, whom you don't even know. Based on your behavior at the sk rink, you indoubtedly CAN'T allow your WS move on with her life! I pray for your patience and ability to look beyond and feel the joy that exists for your children to see you both together apart, especially at a time when it IS theirs!
God's BLessing's!
In Christ's NAME!
><><><, CG's
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 844
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 844 |
Free, I'm not being accusatory here. It's just that this is a thing that can stain your soul. If Catch222222 called you RACA, this was not kiddingly. You're both Christians, you know the symbology of this. You've carried on way too long, trying to forgive, rebuild, move on, way way past any line of duty.
This latest OW is the one who's hurting you most because she was the last straw..... there is such a thing as cumulative effect, or tipover. One bean at a time won't make the jar fall over, but the ten thousandth will. So this OW is the one who is actually ten thousand beans in one.
You are not responsible for OW's thought processes. You are not responsible for her sins. You are not responsible for Catch's thoughts or sins. And they are not responsible for yours. I've been there, Free! I've written a lot of angry posts about FWH wanting to just brush things under the rug, about XOW's cheap shots and the blameshifting, telling me I shouldn't be angry, or hurt, or whatever; justifying, rationalising, whatever. It's taken me 3 years to get to the point where I can say that nobody can tell me what I think or feel, or should think or feel - and I can't do that to/for anybody else either!
Free, you've been hurt over and over for a long time. I only had to deal with one OW, but that was over 15 months, actually over the whole 3 years I've been married to FWH. Her last attempt to weasel back in was only 2 months ago.... so I know what the succession of slaps is like. Eventually even the lightest brush of a finger will have you screaming in agony.
Time for you to heal now.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
623
guests, and
50
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
