I truly do not understand. For the past 2 or 3 months my wife has been completely hands off, no touching or hugging of any kind. However, on Christmas morning we woke up and she rolled over and put her arms around me and we held each other for quite a while. After this we went downstairs to open presents. This Christmas I wrote my W a letter talking about our life together. How it has never been easy but our love for each other has kept us going. I told her that if she was willing to try to work on our M that I had faith that we could get through this trial also. When she read this, tears rolled down her face, she hugged me and said that she “doesn’t know how to fix what she has broken”. These words have stuck in my head and I don’t know how to take them.

Yesterday I checked her voice mail and sure enough there was a message from the OM saying that he got her message wishing him a Merry Christmas. Ugh!!! What is wrong with her……One minute she acts like she wants to stay and the next she is on the phone with him. She tells me that right now she is “looking for a reason to stay” to me our son is reason enough to at least try to save our M. I don’t know who she is anymore she is only thinking of herself.

I just don’t understand……I don’t guess anyone can understand what goes on in the mind of a WS. We have stopped MC. Our counselor said that we have come as far as we can and to proceed farther requires a commitment from both of us to work on the M. I don’t know why she wants to throw away our M and our family so quickly. We have had a good marriage, our problem solving skills weren’t the best but we loved each other. I guess right now I am just a puppet, dangling by the end of her string until she makes her “decision”.

I just needed to vent, it’s been a rough Holiday for me. Somehow I was able to keep up a good front.

Still in plan A, but growing very weary.

Dear Broken Joe,
Only God himself knows what goes on in the mind of a WS, only he can tell what is in that awful fog. I believe the WS's themselves don't know, once they are on that road......
Keep Plan A'ing, many on this board have seen that work, later you may have to plan B, just keep posting and getting the advice of good people here on this board.
I hear your pain, I also feel it. Let God work in you, tell him of your problems, and he will lead you.
KK