Hello,
I've been married for about 7 1/2 years, no kids. My wife and I have been back in forth in good times and bad times. First of all me. I can be considered the "typical husband" at times. Lack of attention to housework, her emotional needs. Tendency to be lazy or selfish. But I can recognize these issues and I try to work on them but sometimes fail. While not ever believing in "New Years Resolutions," I am going to try some this next year to fix my issues.

About my wife, in a nutshell, she could be described as egocentric. All opinions and views needs to be like hers or they are wrong and you get chastised about it. Also, if things go wrong in "everyday life" she tends to not be able to handle it. She doesn't want to work and I don't want her to have to but we are at a point where she has to. We argue more than we just talk. She has little to no interest in intimate or physical moments (average is less than once a month.) She has no interest in having kids. She does have an inability to handle stress and takes it out on me. She holds grudges toward me and she NEVER wants to talk about our issues. If I want to talk about them, she will either say I am being overly dramatic, being a baby (and she will say Boo-Hoo) or she will roll her eyes and say oh brother.

Now mind you, some of my failings lead her to be this way but simply can't be that bad of a husband, can I? She went to counseling once over stress at work and In encouraged her to talk about our problems with the doctor and she refused saying we didn't have problems. We are both Christians and I know divorce is not an answer.

Well, things came to a head again last night. We were at church and we go to a small, informal church. She was to sing a special song but I forgot to tell the pastor and he went into his preaching. She gave me dirty looks the rest of the service and wouldn't even talk to me. This is in CHURCH!!!!! When he was done and prayer was over, I told him that she had a Christmas song and wondered if it would be OK for her to sing. She told me NO (I was sitting in the back of the church since I run the sound and video) but the church clapped for her to come up and as she stood up, she looked at me and flashed a terrible look at me and half of the church saw it and went "whoa" or they laughed and some kidded that I may need a ride home. Well she sang it and people thanked me for speaking up (they are blessed by her singing often) but I didn't bring it up to her the rest of the night because I didn't want to be lectured on how I embarrassed her.

Well this morning, she had to take me to work because I wrecked my truck a few weeks ago. I go in at 7 and her at 10. Well, she was upset that she has to "cart me around" and that I "showed no remorse" for wrecking my car. What does that mean?

I am to the point of not arguing with her anymore because I can never get trough to her. A few other tidbits: she married into and we still have heavy debt (though we are never late on bills), she has "in-law syndrome" with my family, especially with my mother and sister. I am feeling that money is what will make her happy but I don't think that is it. How do I get through to someone who doesn't want to have someone get through to them??!?!? Divorce is not an answer for me so what do I do? Do I just say 'Yes Dear' to a person like her?

B.W. - you two definitely need counseling! You clearly are not meeting each other's emotional needs.

Marriage Builders is an excellent place for you to be. I suggest you read all you can on this site and order the book, His Needs/Her Needs, for starters, available in the bookstore.

But unless you suspect infidelity is part of the picture, you've posted on the wrong forum. Browse some of the other forums, such as Emotional Needs, and repost your story.

Good luck.

B.W.

My H said yes dear to a 4th child. When that child was born (she is now on my lap), he became a different person. He tells me now that he felt irrelevant to his own life. You may think D is not an option and you need to stick it out even if you have such a bad time with your W, but consider that you may not be able to do so.

I am having a hard day today. It is the one year anniversary of surgery for my arm. He broke it when I threatened to call a former co-worker whom he kept saying was calling and he couldn't just hang up. I didn't call the police when he called it, and he continued in his PA until I called OW's H.

Tonight, he told me that he is throwing himself on God's mercy for having had an affair. The broken arm is minor emotionally for both of us. There were years of a build up to what happened last year through May 4 of this year. Not all marriages can last. I wish my H had gone to counseling. It might have woken me up to how unhappy he was.

In the meantime, I have a sister-in-law who tells me that she will never have her H as a confidante, that her M is over in all but name, and she is bitter and resentful and doesn't even tell her H that. Not fair. It is fair to say I'm unhappy and go to counseling. But please don't counsel with another W like my H did.